Bad Marks
by Raphaelfanguy4real
Summary: "The Hamatos never expected to see their father again, but that all changed when they met Oroku Saki and his son Raphael. Nothing is as it seems, and all their lives are changed in one summer." Human AU. Raph-Centric (of course) WARNING! Rated T for child abuse and mentions of other kinds of abuse! Will have specific warnings every chapter! This is very angsty! Hope you enjoy!
1. Prologue

_**Alrighty, Friendos! This is my new Fanfiction! I mean, obviously. Lol. I was surprised at how many of you seemed excited about this… hope I don't disappoint you hehehhhhh. Before we start with this, I need to tell you that there is some really heavy stuff in here. Abuse, mentions of abuse, etc. I just want to be sure I don't surprise anyone and catch them off guard, so I'll try to put warnings in every chapter if needed. Alrighty, that's that. Sorry for the long AN, I'll try to keep my rambling short for this prologue.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT**_

 _ **And now, enjoy!**_

* * *

Leonardo stared at his hands, numb at what he was hearing. This couldn't be true, it couldn't be. Beside him, his baby brother Michelangelo was shaking in silent sobs, while Donnie put a lanky arm around his shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Mrs. Hamato." the man said softly, looking at the grief in the family's eyes. "There was barely anything left...no remains of him...we only found his wallet; which was scorched so that we could barely see the ids. I'm afraid that your husband is dead." Leo looked up at his mom when he finished speaking, she was holding a hand over her mouth in an attempt not to cry, but silent tears still tracked their way down her weary face. After two weeks, two weeks of their father's disappearance, they knew. He was gone. Leo's breathing started to quicken and he clenched his fists. Nothing left of him in a fireball car accident thrown from the road in some canyon, his wallet found fifty yards away… It wasn't fair.

"P-P-Pap-p-p-pa!" Mikey hiccuped, burying his head in his arms. Leo looked over at his nine-year-old brother with a blank expression on his face, what was he supposed to do? How could he help his brother if he was just as broken?

"We express our deepest condolences." the officer said, standing sadly. "It appears to have been an accident, a twist of fate, it could have happened to anyone." Leo clamped his eyes shut. Not anyone, it didn't happen to anyone. It happened to his father, to his dad. He was only eleven, he wasn't supposed to have to deal with this!

"A-are you sure?" Donnie asked. Leo glanced over at his twin brother, who watched the Officer with wide eyes behind his glasses. "M-maybe...maybe he got away...maybe he's still out there…?"

"Donatello, it's been two weeks." The man said softly, pulling on his coat. "I'm sorry. If we do find anything, we'll be sure that we'll alert you to it. I'll leave you…" he walked softly to the door of the house and left, as soon as he did Leo's eyes widened when his mom burst into sobs. He glanced at Mikey and Don, who seemed stricken with grief, and then stood to walk over to her.

"M-mom…" he said softly, sitting next to her and wrapping an arm around her shoulder. To his surprise, she allowed him to hold her as her shoulders shook in sorry. "I…" he trailed off again, what could he say? What could he possibly say to make any of this better in any way? Nothing he said could bring their father back, nothing he said could heal the jagged wounds in their hearts. The family reduced to four sat in silence, if you could count the miserable sobs throughout the room as silent.

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 _ **I'd say I was sorry for this heartbreaking prologue…. But I'm really not. *shrugs* I know I said this is Raph-Centric, just chill. Wait for Friday. Then you'll see. Anyways… yeah. Sorry, the prologue is short, but it gives you plenty of feels for the next two days! Lol 3 Thank you for reading and please review!**_

 _ **Until Friday,**_

 _ **-Jelly**_


	2. Three Years Later

_**Yeah, you read the chapter title right. THREE YEARS LATER. Mwahahahaha. Anyways, yeah. I am in a really good mood today because I've gotten a lot of progress done on a book I'm writing, and the first draft should be ready really soon. Keep in mind, this is a BOOK book. A NOVEL that I'm hopefully gonna publish before I graduate high school! I'm pumPED! Will give you updates if it goes anywhere, lol. Hope I don't have myself excited for nothing!**_

 _ **To Skye7Diamond: heh, I'm glad you loved it!**_

 _ **To Shaymandy: oh, just wait. This chapter is gonna be a doozy for ya.**_

 _ **WARNINGS: Verbal and physical abuse; mentions of death.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own the characters!**_

 _ **And now, enjoy it if you can!**_

* * *

Raphael blinked wearily, lifting his head from his arms. Sunlight streamed onto his face from the window, and a shadow stood over him from the light in the doorway. Crud. the boy was instantly on his feet, eyes wide in worry.

"Why are you still asleep?" Father asked softly, Raph shuffled his feet slightly, not knowing what to say. "It is nearly eight o'clock, Raphael!" Raph cringed.

"Father, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" he ducked a slap just in time, biting his lip. "It was an accident!" the man glared at him, narrowing his eyes. "I'm up now…"

Oroku Saki snorted and turned, Raph followed at a reasonably safe distance.

"You know exactly how to behave while they're over, don't you?" the man asked, glancing back at him. Raph nodded immediately, knowing who his father was talking about. "Good. they're coming by for lunch today, so I want this place cleaned up by then. Alright?" another nod, speaking too much was risky when his father was around. "Good." his father said again, waving a hand on dismissal.

Raph walked to the bathroom and sighed in relief. Then he glanced in the mirror, frowning. He'd be able to pass off the bruises as accidents again, but he'd have to wear a long sleeved shirt while they were here.

'They' were the woman and her kids, who his father had been dating for the past six months. He'd been dating the mother...not the kids. Raph sighed at his scattered thoughts and knelt down, pulling cleaning supplies out of the cabinet beneath the sink.

Why his father had suddenly become interested in dating again after about fourteen years was beyond him, especially since he was the reason Raph's mother had died. The boy cringed and shook his head, brushing his red hair away from his face. He couldn't think about that now, he just had to get the cleaning done.

He and his father, Oroku Saki, lived in a pretty big house outside of New York City. Raph had no idea where his father came up with money for the rent and bills since he apparently trained kids in martial arts every other day, but they hadn't been kicked out yet. Raphael started sweeping the floor of the main room and glanced toward the den, where he heard the television. Of course, instead of getting ready for his girlfriend his father would let Raph do all the work. After all, that's what kids were for in the first place right?

Raphael snorted and turned away, glaring at the floor as if it had personally offended him; which was fairly close to the truth. He grimaced as he remembered the thrashing he'd gotten the day before when father came home drunk. Again. Unfortunately, Tang Shen didn't know her boyfriend had a drinking problem. Or that he abused his only son. Or that he'd killed his last wife. Raph sighed and shook his head, continuing his work. She probably never would, if she saw any warning signs. But Saki was good at hiding them.

"Quit making noises like that!" Father called as Raph snorted in disgust again.

The green-eyed teen rolled his eyes but fell silent, father turned up the volume on the tv. Don't make noise, don't talk when he's talking, don't eat unless your chores are done. Blah blah blah. The boy let out a near silent sigh as he swept the dust underneath a small decorative dresser, then turned to the kitchen. He'd have to clean up the glass from under the table again, his father enjoyed smashing bottles when he wasn't smashing Raph. A small smirk appeared on the boy's face as he thought this, and then he frowned in distaste. Of course, now it was funny.

Then his thoughts turned to the Hamato children, and the frown grew. They acted like he was some kind of hardened criminal; probably because that's what Saki had relayed to them. Maybe that was a bit drastic, but they definitely didn't like him. After all, who would like the pale kid with long hair and a leather jacket? No one, that's who. Raphael scowled even more as he swept up the glass. The twins were annoying as heck, always acting like they were better than him just because they'd been born a year earlier. That had nothing to do with anything, Raph felt sorry for them the most.

They'd known their parent when they died, very well three years ago. Their dad had basically blown up on the highway when a passing oil tanker truck thing exploded, and that sucked. Not that Raph would know what having a good father was like. The boy cast a glare in the general direction of the den. And the only thing he remembered about his mother's death was a lot of screaming, and then silence. He'd been around three or four, and that was his earliest memory. Thanks a lot, dad.

Raphael sighed again as he tipped the glass into a garbage can. He couldn't hate the Hamato kids, no matter how much he wanted to. They didn't know what Saki did to him, they didn't know what it was like to wish that your dad would die. They'd had a good life, and some idiot in the fuel industry had screwed that up for them. Mikey was really annoying, but the problem was that he was the only one of the three that even seemed to want to like Raph. At all. So, the boy had put up with the fourteen-year-old most times. But they'd started coming over more and more often; which Raph felt was a bad omen.

"Gee, Raph, why don't you ever go outside?" Raph whispered, mimicking the younger boy, then sighed. "Because, Mikey, I have a made-up skin condition and I have to stay inside or wear a jacket all the time," he replied to himself in annoyance, putting the broom away. "So that Dad has an excuse to cover my bruises and hide me away."

He was doing it again; talking to himself. Of course, that wasn't what he'd said to the boy, he'd just relayed the fake medical condition Saki had come up with when Raph was younger. That was probably why he was so pale… Raph paused and looked down at his arm. The skin that wasn't bruised was nearly a shocking white; because he almost never went outside in the summertime.

"And what are you doing now?" Raph jumped at the voice behind him. "Inspecting your skin for leprosy?" Raph lowered his arm.

"No, I was about to go wash dishes," he replied softly, glancing to where Saki stood in the doorway. The man nodded slowly, and Raph figured he might still have a hangover. 'Might' was a relative term.

"Good. do that then." he nodded, waving a hand at the sink.

Raph turned on the water and picked up a plate, but keeping half his senses fixed on the man behind him. Just in case he did something 'wrong'. To his relief, his father walked back out of the room. Raphael relaxed just a bit as he heard the television turn on again, and then he focused on cleaning the pot crusted with macaroni and cheese, and two plates along with a bowl that he was pretty sure had been vomited into. Nice.

"Do that then," Raph whispered bitterly, mocking the man who'd just left. "Yeah, Raph, do it, man. Stop talking to yourself, man!" he winced in worry as he accidentally slammed the pot onto the metal sink, but no reaction seemed to come from the other room. The red-haired teen glanced at the clock, a frown on his face. It was eight ten. This was going to be a long day.

"Raphael." Raph jumped in shock as Father spoke from directly behind him, then he turned, eyes wide as he tried not to drop the washcloth he was holding. "Why are you slamming things around, Raphael?"

"I…" Raph looked at the half cleaned pot behind him. "It was an accident, I dropped it." Father narrowed his eyes and grabbed Raph's shoulder tightly. "I...it won't happen again."

"Really," Saki said, obviously not believing him. Raph swallowed nervously and nodded once. He gasped in surprise as his father slapped him across the face. He rarely got that angry about dishes or noise. "What about now?"

"It...it still won't…" Raph said softly, eyes wide as he backed up into the counter. "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry." his father repeated. "Really."

Raph nodded again, eyes trained on the hand that wasn't on his shoulder. While he was distracted, Saki shoved him with the other hand and Raph toppled to the floor, almost immediately getting into a crouching position. "Sorry doesn't clean the dishes, Raphael! Why aren't you just cleaning the dishes like you said you were!" Raph stood again and gingerly walked over to the sink, keeping one eye on his father.

"I...I'll do it now," he said softly, fighting to keep the bitterness out of his facial expression.

Father said nothing, just watched as Raph continued scrubbing the pan. It was a very tense silence; with only the water running to make Raph think this wasn't a dream. He never dreamed in sound, it was worse that way. Once Raphael had finished cleaning the pan and started on a plate, Saki put another hand on his shoulder. Raphael froze for a split second before slowly continuing his work. He knew this game, and he hated it. Father would do things so randomly, so insanely, to keep Raph on his toes at all times. He wouldn't say anything unless Raph lost the game, and then it started over. Raphael fought to keep from shivering as he rinsed suds from the plastic plate's surface. As he placed it in the dish rack, however, Saki's hand tightened and he halted.

"Is that clean, Raphael?" he asked softly, Raph glanced at the plate and then nodded slowly. It was clean...the water was boiling and he'd used soap. Why wouldn't it be clean? "Are you sure?" Raph nodded again after a moment's hesitation. "Then look closer!" Father suddenly snarled, shoving Raph's head closer to the plate. Raph tried not to growl in anger at the humiliation, and he looked at the scratched up yellow surface. It was clean, it was! So what was going on? Another sick game? "Is it clean?"

"Ye-yes...it's clean," Raph said firmly, softly. Saki pushed his face even closer until Raph's nose was touching the plastic. Raphael grimaced.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." to his surprise, his father released him with a nod.

"Good." he said firmly, "then put it in the dish rack, Raphael."

Raph obeyed and then picked up the other plate, hands shaking in confusion. It wasn't common that Saki came up with a completely new way to torment him, so where the heck had he gotten that idea, anyway? It was so weird, not to mention humiliating. Of course, that was probably the idea. Raph glanced slyly to the clock again and let out a silent sigh when he saw it was still not even eight thirty yet. Why was he doing all these chores so early? Oh yeah, because his dad was crazy that's why. Raphael scrubbed a piece of chili off the plate he was holding and then lathered it in soap again before rinsing it, nodding slightly to himself in satisfaction as it washed clean. Again when he went to put it away, his father grabbed him.

"It's clean, father," he said softly, looking down at the plate. "I swear."

"Look closer, Raphael!" Saki snarled, shoving Raph's head toward the plate again. Raphael held back another sigh as he brought the plate up to his eyes, the emerald orbs inspected the surface before he once again stated it's cleanliness. "Then put it in the dish rack," Saki said again as if Raph was an idiot. Raph tried not to let the anger show in his movements as he obeyed and picked up the bowl, grimacing at the smell. Yeah, his assumption had been correct earlier. Raph glanced at the clock and let out a slow breath once more. Either the clock was broken, or time sucked. The boy slowly rinsed and scrubbed the metal bowl before scrubbing it a second time to get the smell out, then rinsing it again. After another nod of satisfaction, Raph found his head smashed into the metal bottom of the bowl, Saki's hand held it there firmly.

"I...it's clean!" he protested softly as the man shoved both the head and the bowl into the sink. "What...what are you doing?" he heard the water turn on and grimaced as it fell onto his head. Oh great, just great. He hated this game, and he hated it when the games were so close together.

"You are not clean, Raphael." the man said softly, and Raph knew he was possibly still a bit drunk.

Raph closed his eyes as his head was held firmly in the rising water. This was a short one, it would be over soon. Probably. Saki pushed Raphael's face harder against the metal bottom of the bowl and Raph grimaced in pain, hearing water slosh over the sides and spill into the sink. Then he was pulled back, and he gasped for air as father grabbed his soaking hair.

"How about now?" Raph blinked water out of his eyes before nodding desperately, his father grimaced in disgust and shoved him to the exit of the kitchen. "Then go wait in your room until I call you!" he snarled, "and wipe that blood off your face!"

Raphael nodded and hurried to his small bedroom, reaching up curiously to feel a wet stream coming from his nose. Oh great, now he had another bloody nose. As soon as Raph closed the door his gaze hardened from the frightened one into a scowl and he grabbed one of the extra pieces of cloth he had for such instances. Stupid dishes, stupid games, stupid dad. One day, he was going to get out of here. Raph glanced to the small window near the ceiling and smiled a bit. He would get out of here, he knew he would. He just had to figure out where he would go and how he'd avoid his father… a loud crash from outside the room made Raph jump, then he sighed. He was getting way too nervous, but summer vacation always did that to him.

"Was that a couch or the tv?" Raph muttered to himself, walking to a box in the corner of his room, one hand still holding the cloth over his nose. "Odds are both."

He fished out a long-sleeved shirt and his favorite jacket from the box, pulling off his pajamas. He was going to have new huge bruises when they came over now. He could hide the one on his forehead with his sweatband, but the one on his cheek would be harder.

"Get out here and clean up the den!" Father yelled from down the hall, Raph sighed and pulled on his shirt, then removed the cloth to find his nose has stopped bleeding.

Well, either it hadn't been bad or he was running out of blood….if that was how blood worked. Raph honestly didn't know. With a final resigned sigh, the boy walked out of his room and replaced the timid expression on his face as he walked to the den. To his surprise, it was the antique dresser that had been thrown to the floor. Good thing he didn't have anyone to bet against, or he'd have lost the money he didn't have.

Raph smirked at this as he lifted the dresser up and then retrieved the drawers that had fallen out, quickly scooping the contents back in. This room needed to be clean because the Hamato kids usually played video games in here while their mom hung out with Saki in the kitchen...the video games Saki said was Raph's but that he actually bought for when they came over here and never let Raph touch. There was conveniently only three controllers, not that Raph cared. He'd probably suck at video games if he tried.

"Hey, Raph, wanna play?" Raph whispered, mimicking Donatello from the last time they'd been over. The nerdy kid had caught Raph looking wistfully over their heads at the screen, and Raph had shaken his head quickly. "No, sorry Don." he whispered now, "if I so much as touch something without permission I'll probably get the beating of a century, you play." again, that wasn't what he'd actually said.

"Are you finished in here?" Raph jumped slightly, nearly dropping the last drawer as Saki came in behind him. He shoved it in and nodded, turning. "Good. go...go wash your face and then...wait in your room until they get here."

Raphael nodded and immediately went to obey, but Saki grabbed his shoulder as he passed. Raph didn't look up, he just stopped walking.

"Raphael, you are a disgrace." Raph barely even blinked at the insult, just nodded slightly, and then Saki released him roughly toward the bathroom. "Get out of my sight."

Raph hurried to the bathroom and looked at the mirror again, grimacing. There was dried blood around his nose and on one of his cheeks, and large bruise was forming there and on the base of his neck by his shoulder. Good thing the jacket had a collar, otherwise he'd have to wear a hoodie instead. Leather was hot enough in the summer.

Raphael splashed the water onto his face and scrubbed the blood off, then hurried to his bedroom and closed the door again, sighing in relief. As he did so, the lock clicked from outside. Saki must be going somewhere, and of course, Raph couldn't go with him. He had a skin condition, remember? Raph smiled bitterly and slid dow- the wall to sit on the floor, looking around his dingy room. There was the window, his box in the corner, and a single mattress on the floor where he usually slept. Living the American dream, right here.

"Hey, why don't you have a dresser Raph?" the boy quoted Leo softly, shaking his head. "You always wear that shirt, how many do you have?" Raph smirked. "I don't have a dresser cuz I don't deserve it, Leo. same with the shirt. I like this shirt, but it used to be white."

He now glanced down at the red shirt he was wearing, grimacing at the truthfulness of the statement. It wasn't blood, of course. Father's red sparring outfit had bled into all of Raphael's things, tinting them the boy's least favorite color. The boy chuckled at this and pulled on his leather jacket, glancing up at the window. He was pretty sure it wasn't even nine in the morning yet, but he wasn't some kind of wizard who could tell the time from the sun he got through a two-foot area. The boy snorted again, shaking his shaggy-haired head in disgust.

"This is what you're reduced to, Raph?" he asked himself softly. "Making jokes about your own pathetic existence?" a small chuckle of derision. "Yeah, sounds about right. Better than letting it make me completely miserable, oh wait, it does." then he sighed. "Stop talking to yourself!"

Raph pulled his knees up to his chest and sighed, closing his eyes. Maybe he could get some much-needed sleep before the Hamato's arrived and he was forced to act like a normal kid, which he had no idea how to do seeing as he never had been one.

"Telling yourself to stop talking to yourself doesn't help," he said softly with a smile, then relaxed against the wall and sighed in relief. With Father out of the house for at least a while, he could safely sleep.

* * *

 _ **Heh, betchy'all hate me now huh? Lol. One thing, this chapter didn't have a lot of dialogue, and mostly just had Raph's thoughts, and that's because there were only two characters in this chapter. The others will all have a lot more dialogue and stuff. Yeah. anyways…. Thoughts?! Hate it? Love it? I don't care just let me know! Thank you for reading and please review!**_

 _ **Until Tuesday,**_

 _ **-Jelly**_


	3. Meet The Hamatos

_**Hey guys! That's right, it's Tuesday! So here I come with another chapter of this fanfiction. : DD I gotta say, I'm really happy you seem to be enjoying it thus far! It makes me happy for people to read my work…**_

 _ **To SKye7Diamond: heh, sorry I made you mad… 0-0 this is gonna be a bumpy ride btw. This entire fic. It's a mess to the end. 3 gives you hope I guess lol**_

 _ **To Dark Impact: I'm glad you love it! I don't think you've reviewed one of my stories before, so welcome to the mess! I update every Tuesday and Friday (unless I forget but I've been better lol)**_

 _ **To StoryAdict: dawww! Thanks, Jordan! It means a lot xoxo**_

 _ **To Shaymandy: Oof. 0-0. I'm glad you're excited for the little switch up but don't put your expectations too high, I'd hate to let you down… ah well. Thank you so much and I'm glad you enjoyed it!**_

 _ **Warnings: Mentions of child abuse, hiding abuse, emotional abuse**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own the characters!**_

 _ **And now, enjoy!**_

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"Why are you sleeping at eleven in the day?" Raphael jerked away at the voice addressing him, and it only took him a moment to see Mikey Hamato standing in his doorway. "And you aren't even on your bed." Raph scowled.

"I thought you weren't allowed in my room," he grumbled, getting to his feet and pulling the headband out of his pocket quickly, slipping it over the painful bruise on his head. Luckily, Mikey had been too busy humming cartoon theme songs to see it.

"Your dad said you were in here, I wanted to see if you could come outside with me," he said with a winning smile. Raph sighed.

"Mikey-"

"It's cloudy!" the boy said before Raphael could give an excuse, "so you can come out, right?" Raph blinked in surprise.

"Oh, uh…" despite Saki's planning for any excuse, Raph had no idea what to say. He coughed into his fist awkwardly, which gave him an idea. "Actually Mikey…" he coughed again for effect. "I'm...sick. I can't go outside right now, I have….allergies…" Mikey's lower lip stuck out in a pout.

"Allergies to what? Why do you have so many things?" he complained, Raph frowned.

"uh...I'm allergic to grass." he invented quickly, nodding. "And pollen. and...I'm just not a healthy kid...I guess…" Mikey didn't seem to hear him after the first statement, his eyes went wide.

"You're allergic to _grass_?" he asked in shock, "that must suck! It means you can't roll down hills or play sports or…." he trailed off. "Go outside...oh yeah."

"Mikey quit bugging him." Leo's irritating voice said from the hall, Raph sighed. "If he wants to be alone let him be alone," he saw Raph. "do you mind if we play the new game you got? It looks cool." Raph nodded immediately; he had a new game? That was news, maybe Saki got it this morning when he left.

"Yeah, knock yourself out," he said, waving a hand. "Just don't scratch the disk." he only asked this, however, because the last time one got scratched too much Saki had broken three of Raph's fingers because he'd been, 'sneaking behind his back and playing them' at night. Which was a lie, Raph had never even touched a video game controller. Leo smiled.

"Okay, thanks Raph." he grabbed Mikey's arm. "Come on Mikey, it's Mega Smash Force Three." Michelangelo, for his part, seemed simply torn between the game or bugging Raph.

"Go on, Mike." the green-eyed teen said lightly, "I don't mind, and you don't want to catch this cold either, it sucks." Mikey frowned in confusion.

"I thought you had allergies?" he asked in confusion, Raph silently cursed himself.

"Uh, I do. And a cold. So I can't go outside." he nodded firmly. "Go play Mega...Smash Force." Mikey frowned, then shrugged.

"Yeah! Donnie, I call the red controller!" he dashed down the hallway and Raph smirked a bit, then blinked when Leo stepped into his room.

"Uh, my room," Raph said firmly, walking over. "And you are over the doorway, Leo." Leo peered at him curiously.

"What happened to your face?" he asked curiously, Raph's hand flew up to his bruised cheek and he thought quickly.

"Uh...the dresser in the den fell over on me this morning." he lied, "I was messing around and made it tip." not a complete lie...except that it was basically a complete lie. Leo nodded, turning to head out.

"Okay, get better, Raph," he said with a smile before disappearing, Raphael's shoulders slumped as he walked away. Why did Leo even care? Or was he just nosy, the latter seemed more likely when Raph thought about it. Once Leo was gone, the boy turned to look out the window. The sky was a cloudy gray, and he was surprised to find himself happy Mikey had thought of him. Raph quickly banished the emotion and adjusted his headband, making sure it covered the large bruise. Raphael's stomach complained slightly about the fact that he hadn't eaten in about twenty-four hours and he sighed. He was going to have to leave his room at some point. Do the boy knelt next to his box again and retrieved the old facemask he'd used last time he was 'sick' as an excuse to leave his room. Hopefully, his father didn't get irritated that he'd told a lie on the spot, not having planned it first. Of course, it was his father's fault he had to lie anyway. Raph sighed and looped the rubber bands around his ears, then pulled up the cloth over his mouth and nose. Now he looked like some goth insane doctor. Great. Raph walked out of his room toward the den, where he could hear sound effect explosions and small arguments already breaking out between the three brothers. He paused in the doorway, watching them play and mess around with each other with a pang of longing. Why did he have to get born into the sucky family and they got great parents? What was even less fair was that their dad was ripped away from them when the youngest of them was only nine years old. That must have been horrible, and Raph wished he could do anything to make their sorrows go away. Unfortunately, he was a bit preoccupied with his own problems.

"Hey, Dr. Raph!" Michelangelo greeted, glancing over his shoulder. "Nice mask! Does it protect you from grass?" Raph rolled his eyes and Donnie chuckled.

"Mikey, he has a cold too. The mask is keeping us from getting sick but letting him not be quarantined. Most grass allergies are actually skin based, so it makes sense that he'd have reactions to grass while he has his skin condition as well." Raph smirked at the brainiac's knowledge and Mikey frowned thoughtfully.

"Oh." the younger boy said, then shrugged. "Neat! Hey Raph, check out this awesome powerup I scored! Now I'm twice as big as Leo and Donnie!" there was a beeping noise and he whined a bit. "Okay, I _was_ bigger than them." Leo chuckled and Raph glanced at the screen, wondering what it meant.

"Do you wanna play, Raph?" Leo asked now, as they ended the level. Raph shook his head immediately.

"No, uh, I don't think so. You guys can play, it's fine. I don't want to uh...get you guys sick somehow." Leo nodded in understanding as Mikey started the next level.

"This game is so cool!" Mikey squealed, Raph smiled at his excitement. "You're so lucky, Raph! You get to play these whenever you want! Unless you're sick, or we're hogging them." he giggled and the screen flashed red as his orange character did something to Leo's blue one.

"Hey!" Leo protested, the screen flashed again and Mikey's character jumped over a streak of light. "Aw man!" Raph shook his head in amusement. If he knew what the heck was going on, he'd probably find the video games fun. But he didn't know what the heck was going on, so he didn't. He did find the Hamato brothers antics entertaining when they were ignoring him.

"Ah, hello Raphael." Raph jumped at Shen's voice as she went to hug him, but he quickly backed up instinctively.

"Uh, I'm sick." he stammered, "I just don't want to infect you...or anything." Shen smiled at this and nodded.

"MOM! They have Mega Smash Force Three!" Mikey called without looking over. "Check it out!" Shen smiled and watched the game for a moment until Saki joined them by the entrance to the den.

"Ah, you are awake Raphael," he said warmly, in the voice he only used when he was around other people. Raph nodded and Saki frowned, inspecting him. "Are you feeling well?"

"Uh, better than this morning," Raph said quickly, then cringed. "I uh...lost my voice because of the cold...remember?"

"Ah, yes." Saki agreed quickly, with a look of confusion at Raph. "your lungs do act up during the summer, don't they." Raph nodded and stuck his hands in the pockets of his jeans, looking at the floor.

"Do you think you feel well enough to go out for lunch?" Shen asked, and Raph looked up in surprise. "We are treating you four boys to Chinese if you are up to going." Raph glanced at his father, who inclined his head barely.

"Yeah, like I said I think it's getting a bit better," Raph said through his mask. "I just didn't want to risk you guys getting sick…" Shen smiled.

"That's very thoughtful of you, Raphael." she stated, "you're such a kind boy." Raph pressed his lips together in a tight smile before remembering that he had a mask on, so he just looked at the floor in mock embarrassment.

"Yeah, Chinese!" Mikey cheered as the screen turned red as he died. "I love Chinese food! The fortune cookies really tell the future!" Leo laughed as he put his own controller away.

"They don't tell the future, Mikey," Donatello said in annoyance, straightening his glasses. "They tell fortunes, and they're usually fake." Mikey seemed to ignore his brother as he skipped over and hugged Shen, beaming.

"Last time we went mine said that a twist of fate was in my future." Mikey stated then, "and Raph just got a new video game. So there you go." Raphael raised his eyebrow and Donnie facepalmed.

"Mikey, we last got Chinese food two months ago," he said in annoyance. "How do you even remember the fortune that long? And I doubt that's what it meant if anything." Mikey just smiled and Raph took a step back.

"Yeah, Uh, I'll just grab my shoes and be right out," he said awkwardly, backing toward his room. He hadn't left the house in a few weeks, his shoes were in his box somewhere. Saki nodded, watching Raphael closely out of the corner of his eye as the teen walked into his room and pulled the worn out sneakers from the box. He hurriedly slipped them on without socks and tied the laces before rejoining the others in the hallway.

"Let's go then," Shen said pleasantly, smiling at Saki. Raph glanced from one to the other with a small frown. Why did he have a small sinking feeling? The group started to the front of the house and Saki placed his hand lightly on Raph's shoulder, the boy held back a wince at his father's subtle statement of control. Raphael looked at the ground when they walked outside, pointedly avoiding the grass that had grown a bit into the cobblestone path. He and his father lived a little way out of town, and it was a very old house. But that was was better, less nosey neighbors and less worry about people hearing screams.

"Come on, Raph!" Mikey skipped over and beamed at him. "You guys are coming in our car! You can have the window seat if you want!" Raph shook his head immediately.

"No...thank you Mikey." he said softly. "but...I don't want a window seat." Mikey frowned at this, but shrugged it off and ran after his brothers toward their car, which was a minivan. Raphael gingerly climbed into the vehicle and sat next to Mikey on the back bench, away from the window. Saki gave him an almost imperceptible nod through the window, and Raphael sighed, leaning his head on the seat in front of him.

"Are you okay?" Mikey asked, leaning over to have his face peering up at Raph's. "Do you need a drink or do you wanna lay down? I'm a great pillow!" Raph shook his head, sitting back up to put his seatbelt on.

"Stop talking our ears off, Mikey." Leo teased from the seat in front of his brother. "Would it kill you to have a moment of silence?" Mikey immediately nodded, bouncing up and down a bit in his seat. Leo snickered and turned back to the front as Shen pulled the car out of the driveway. Raph's stomach lurched a bit; he didn't ride in a car very often, and he also got motion sick easily. This was going to be a long day.

"What restaurant are we going to?" Donatello asked from in front of Raph, "Koala Junction or that one with the actual Chinese name?"

"Koala junction!" Mikey cheered, pumping a fist in the air. "I love that place! Don, you remember that time we went there with dad and he let us get extra fortune cookies?"

"And all of yours contradicted each other." Donnie agreed, adjusting his glasses. "You spent the rest of the day trying to figure out when each one would happen, and none of them did." Mikey scoffed at this.

"Yeah, they did! Remember the one that said my lucky number was seven? Well every week has seven days and my favorite day is Saturday, Saturday happens every seven days. Seven." Raph snorted and Donnie rolled his eyes, Leo laughed.

"Only you can come up with these things, Mikey." Donatello sighed, shaking his head. "So where are we going, Mom?"

"We are going to the other one, sorry Michelangelo," Shen said, looking in the rearview mirror at them. "Maybe we can go to your favorite another time." Mikey pouted and looked out the window, but Donnie smiled.

"I like this one, the fortunes make more sense, at least," he remarked, Leo sighed.

"I like the food, Donnie. Not the fortunes." he pointed out, Donnie shrugged.

"I'm just saying, at Koala they have the lucky numbers and then weird things like 'someday you will be surprised' like yeah duh, everyone is surprised sometimes. At this one, the fortunes are more unique and individual."

"Yeah, sure." Leo shrugged and glanced back at Raphael. "What do you think?" Raph froze momentarily, thoughts rolling around in his head. What was he supposed to say? He didn't usually go out to eat with people like this!

"Uh...I don't know...I guess the food matters more than the fortunes, but the fortunes are an added plus?" he suggested, scratching his head slightly. Donnie nodded in understanding.

"That makes sense, Raph." he agreed. "Right Mikey?"

"I like Koala better because that's what Dad liked," Mikey said with a shrug. "And I have the iron stomach, so I don't care about the food." Leo laughed.

"You're the kid who refuses to eat avocado!" he said, turning around again. Mikey scowled.

"They're infused with alien chemicals that are turning people into vegan zombies so that the aliens can take over the world, Leo. Trust me. We're safer not eating them." he relayed matter of factly, Raph snorted in amusement. "It's true Raph! Eat one and see, or don't and join the rebellion." he folded his arms and Raph smiled slightly.

"I think I'll stay out of this." he decided. "An avocado is a kind of fruit, right?" Donnie opened his mouth to reply with a scientific answer, but his younger brother beat him to it.

"That's what they want you to think, Raph!" he said, doing the 'spooky' fingers at him. "But it's green, so it's a vegetable made in alien labs! They're trying to take over all of our minds! If you cut open someone who's infected, their brain turned into avocado mush!"

"Guacamole?" Leo asked incredulously, Mikey's eyes widened.

"There's Avocado in guacamole?!" he cried in dismay, Raph snorted again. Donnie sighed.

"Michelangelo, an avocado is a single-seeded berry, a fruit. And there are no aliens in labs, and no one is infected with this disease you're talking about! Where did you come up with that, anyway?" Mikey smiled smugly.

"In my amazing imagination!" he declared, tapping the side of his head happily. Raph snorted again and shook his head, glancing out the window at the cloudy day outside.

"Mikey, I was going to tell you not to believe everything you read online." Donnie sighed. "But you didn't even get that on the internet, so what am I supposed to tell you?"

"That you believe me and trust in my genius," Mikey said humbly, putting his hands behind his head with a smug smile. Raph smirked watching the three brothers interact with each other, listening to Mikey's antics and his older brothers responses. A raindrop splashed onto the window and Raph glanced toward the sky, seeing hundreds of others following it. He hadn't been outside for a few weeks, and it was nice to see rain again.

* * *

 _ **Ooooh, what's gonna happen next? YOU MAY NEVER KNOWWW! Just kidding lol I fully intend to finish this fic… unlike the 'unspoken fic' *cough Loneliness cough*. Anyways… angst. I love it. I live it. I'm a teenager. Yeah.**_

 _ **Small note, I may or may not be able to post this Friday because I'm going to Idaho for a lacrosse tournament and we're driving up on Friday. I might post it super early that day, or super late that day, or not at all. It all depends on how crazy my life is. I'll be back by Tuesday next week, so you can at least expect a chapter then for sure.**_

 _ **Thank you for reading and please review!**_

 _ **Until next time,**_

 _ **-Jelly**_


	4. You'll Never Guess

_**Hey guys! Yeah, Friday was really exhausting with my tournament so I didn't end up posting; sorry about that! We won, though! One game was a tie and the other three we dominated! So yeah, I'm pretty happy with this weekend. And here's Chapter three of Bad Marks for ya!**_

 _ **To Skye7Diamond: hmm. Those are good theories! One of those will be proven either right or wrong today! ;)**_

 _ **To CocoKissesTMNT: YAY!**_

 _ **To Shaymandy: I'm glad you liked the chapter! And yeah… it's basically gonna be an emotional roller coaster… :D**_

 _ **To StoryAdict: samesies! Lol. Thank you! 3**_

 _ **To Flora Of The Elementals: I'm glad you love it! Here's another chapter!**_

 _ **Warnings: emotional manipulation/abuse, physical abuse, child abuse, allergic reactions**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT!**_

 _ **And now, the chapter!**_

* * *

By the time Shen pulled into a parking spot at the Chinese restaurant, rain was pouring. Raphael was trying to hide the smile on his face by keeping his mask up, but he was sure they could all tell. The thing was, he liked rain. The rain was good, and he'd always enjoyed it. They piled out of the car and Mikey squealed, dashing to the shelter of the entryway. Leo didn't seem to care, but Donatello reached up and shielded his glasses from the droplets, Raph tilted his head back to watch the rain. It was like the sky was falling, Saki put a hand on his shoulder and Raphael brought his head back to where it usually rested, eyes fixed on the ground.

"Raphael, the rain may affect your cold," the man said, eyes boring into Raph's. "Come, my son." Raph nodded and allowed Saki to steer him into the restaurant, wishing he could just run away and never see the man's face again. Even if he did, though, where would he go?

"Look how hard it's coming down!" Mikey giggled from where he was at a window. "Zeus is up there like, super ticked off at someone! Bam! He hits their house with lightning! Shaboom! There goes their tree-"

"Cut it out, Mikey." Donnie covered his brother's mouth with his hand. "We're in public." after a few moments of silence, Donatello yanked his hand away. "Ew gross! Did you lick me? Real mature, Michel." Raph snorted at this, catching Leo's eye. The older boy also seemed amused, but when he saw Raph glance at him he frowned, Raph looked at the ground.

"Six of you? Right over here." one of the staff led them to a table by the window, Raph sat in a chair beside his father, Mikey on his other side, though not on purpose.

"Guys I just realized something!" Mikey gasped dramatically, everyone couldn't help but look over at him. "Hah, made ya look!" Donnie sighed and rolled his eyes and Leo slugged Mikey playfully in the arm, the freckle-faced kid snickered.

"Michelangelo," Shen said calmly. "Please act respectfully, you were not raised in a stable." Mikey nodded, and Raph was surprised to see him stop jumping in his chair.

"Right, sorry mom." the kid apologized, picking up his menu. Raph raised a brow thoughtfully. He'd thought the kid was ADHD or something, maybe he actually just liked being annoying. Leo snorted.

"Mom, can't you do that all the time?" he asked, Mikey stuck out his tongue at the older boy when he said this. Shen chuckled.

"Leonardo, you know if I overuse my mother authority he ignores it." she pointed out, Raph glanced around at them in curiosity. Donnie was fiddling with one of the legs of his glasses, and Mikey was doodling on the kid's menu with a waxy crayon. Leo sat next to his mother in a relaxed state as well, and Raph couldn't help but wonder. They lived different lives, and Raph would give anything to live theirs as well. There was only one problem with that.

"What would you like to eat, Raphael?" his Father asked from beside him, looking up from his own menu. Raph picked his up and looked at the list of Asian dishes. He had no idea what any of these were.

"Oh, Raph!" Mikey said, looking up from his drawing of a giant two-headed turtle king kong. "Try the sticky rice and orange chicken! It's way good, right Leo?" the older boy nodded in agreement at this.

"Uh, kay…" Raph looked at his menu. "I guess I'll get that, then." after a few moments another staff member walked over and took their orders, and Raph listened to Mikey chatter about some conspiracy theory about time travelers.

"Did you know that archaeologists found a mummy with Adidas sneakers on it?" he asked, adding a pair of nunchucks in one of the turtle mouths he was drawing. "It basically proves time travel is real!" Donnie sighed, shaking his head.

"Mikey, how do you know all of this, but you still got a c in every class last year?" he asked, putting his glasses back on at last. Mikey glanced up from his drawing.

"Uh, let me think on that, Oh I know!" he suddenly knelt on his chair, Leo sighed.

"Here we go again," he mumbled.

"Because school is boring!" Mikey declared. "There's less than a ten percent chance I'll need to use the Pythagorean theorem in my future career, and learning science is basically useless! Not to mention that I don't need to take a PE class since I go to martial arts every Tuesday and Thursday, and if the people in history were so great, why did they die? Huh?" Raph blinked, glancing over at the boy, who was just getting started. "And all their electives suck! Did you know that there's not even a class about only outer space?"

"Astronomy." Donnie sighed, putting his head in his hands. "Mikey, it's called astronomy." Mikey shook his head.

"That's just it, Dee!" he said, waving a crayon at his brother. "Astronomy is about what gali-tea-guy saw hundreds of years ago! It's what we see from earth! I mean real outer space, like aliens and warp speed and giant space explosions!"

"We have tv shows for that," Leo said absently, rolling his eyes slightly. Mikey frowned.

"Space heroes was made like, a hundred years ago Leo. I don't think they got it all right." he folded his arms, and then beamed as an employee placed a dish of sticky rice and orange chicken in front of him. "But enough talk! Let's eat!" Raph pulled the mask off his mouth as he picked up the plastic fork that accompanied his meal, trying not to notice that the Hamato boys all used their chopsticks skillfully.

"We actually had something to tell you, boys," Saki said as they ate, every eye went to him and Shen, who were next to each other. Raph blinked, feeling his heart pump harder. He couldn't mean what Raph thought he meant.

"What?" Donnie asked curiously, looking up from his rice plate. Shen and Saki looked at each other with a smile, Raph felt his stomach drop. Crud, this could not be real. Could it? Raph frowned, watching his father's face.

"Well, Saki and I…" Shen glanced at Saki with another smile. "He has asked me to be engaged to him." Raph felt the last of his hopes plummet as he watched the shock on the Hamato brothers faces.

"To be married?" Leo finally blurted out, eyes darting from Saki to Shen. "like...married married?"

"Yes," Shen said, looking down at her hands.

"Wow!" Mikey gasped, "Raph, now you'll be our brother! That's so cool!" Raph forced a small smile, but his thoughts were whirling. What did this mean? He didn't know how to react to this, at all! It had always just been him and his dad...sometimes some of his father's meaner friends stayed with them, but Saki had never gotten married before! Well, he had like ages ago but that wasn't the point! Was this going to change everything? Or nothing? Saki always treated him better when Shen and her sons were around, but what if he started hurting them too? Raphael grimaced, rubbing his temples as he felt a headache coming on. This was crazy, he didn't know what he was supposed to do.

"We have not worked everything out," Saki said, Raph felt him watching him. "But we are to be married around the fourth of July."

"Mom...you're getting remarried?" Donnie asked, confused. "I didn't know it was that serious yet…" Shen smiled, looking up again.

"Donatello, do not worry," she promised softly. "We are not forgetting your father, we are doing what is best. He would want that." there was a small pause, and then Leo spoke.

"That's cool." he finally said, though he'd put down his chopsticks. "When did you decide this?" Raph glanced up at Saki as he smiled, it was a real smile, something not often on the man's face. Maybe things were actually turning around, maybe he'd stop hurting Raph now…

"We decided a few weeks ago." Shen said softly, "we were waiting until more things were worked out to tell you four." Raph felt his head begin to pound more and he looked down at his food, feeling nauseous. But what if Saki was going to hurt Shen? Or the other boys? Or keep hurting Raph? They'd have to hide it constantly now, everything was going to change. It would be harder for Raph to escape now, it would be harder for Raph to do anything now.

"Raph, are you okay?" Donnie's voice asked, but Raph's vision was swimming and he felt sick. "Raph!" strong hands grasped Raph's shoulders and pulled him up from where he'd been looking at his hands.

"Raphael, are you feeling well?" Saki asked, his eyes bored straight through Raph's cloudy vision into his mind. Raph didn't understand, what was going on?

"Is he allergic to anything?" Shen asked, worried.

"It's the avocado!" Mikey gasped, "disguised as rice!" Raph could see a bit of real worry building up in his father's eyes and tried to open his mouth to say he was alright, but knew if he opened his mouth he'd probably throw up.

"He's allergic to grass, according to Mikey." Donnie said, "but that's a skin allergy, not a food allergy."

"We do not eat out often," Saki said, holding Raph firmly as he almost passed out. "He may have an allergy I do not know of yet."

"Well, what do we do?" Leo asked. Raph felt more hands holding up his back as his vision turned fuzzy. What was going on? He shook his head blearily, forcing his eyes to remain open.

"He's turning red!" Mikey gasped, Raph reached up and rubbed his eyes, trying to find it in him to speak.

"I...don't feel…" he grimaced, "so good…" there was suddenly someone standing next to their table, eyes wide.

"Does this boy have any nut allergies?" they asked, Saki shrugged.

"We rarely eat nuts, I cannot remember the last time he did," he said truthfully, Raph groaned softly, leaning on Mikey as he tried to focus. He felt like he was going to throw up, ugh. Great, in a restaurant. As soon as Shen and the boys weren't around, Raph knew he was going to get the beating of a lifetime.

"Not even peanut butter?" Mikey asked in surprise.

"Raphael gets school lunches," Saki replied, which was a lie. Raph didn't go to school. There was suddenly a strange smell under Raph's nose and he blinked, peering up at the person there. It looked like a staff member of the restaurant, they were holding a small bottle of what must be essential oils or something under his nose.

"You should get him to a doctor," Shen said, eyes wide as Saki lifted Raph gently to his feet. Saki nodded, and Raph could barely believe that. They avoided doctors like the plague.

"I will get a taxi, we should go now." he agreed, Raph knew he was lying. They'd just get in the taxi and then go home, not to a doctor. "I am sorry this happened, Shen. Next time we will be more careful."

"Is Raph gonna be okay?" Mikey asked worriedly as Saki helped Raph toward the door. Raph didn't hear anyone's reply as they walked out and his father flagged down a taxi. But sure enough, when they got in the car the man released the comforting hold on Raph's shoulders and told the driver their home address. Raph leaned his head on his hands, knowing he was going to be in a whole lot of trouble. It seemed like moments later that Saki was pulling him out of the taxi, paying the driver, and then the cab pulled away. It was still raining, and Raph looked up at his father wearily, still feeling very sick. Saki glared at him and pulled Raph's arm roughly, yanking him toward the house.

"Raphael," he said softly, once the door closed. "What are you doing."

"I…" Raph said weakly, "I'm sorry...father...I just feel sick…" before he had finished the sentence Saki slapped him across the face, sending Raph to the floor with a painful thud. The boy's vision swam and he tried to get up again, but then the man kicked him in the stomach, hard. Raph curled up in a ball, groaning in pain. "I'm sorry…" but Saki kicked him again and Raph knew what would happen the moment he did. With a horrible retching sound, Raph felt burning stomach acid push past his lips as he vomited on the floor, half-digested chicken and rice making themselves present with a sickening smell. Saki stepped away in disgust.

"You are filthy, Raphael. You disgust me!" he snarled, "clean up this mess, boy! And then go to your room for the rest of the day!" Raph watched his father walk away with watery eyes, still lying on the floor. He didn't understand this, why couldn't his father just care for once? But Raphael forced himself to his feet and staggered to the bathroom, pulling cleaning supplies from the cabinet for the second time that day. He felt less sick than before, probably because he'd puked up whatever he was allergic to. Raphael grimaced as he mopped up the vomit, stopping to rest his shaking hands every few minutes.

Once he had finally finished the disgusting task, Raph looked at himself in the mirror. His skin still had a red tinge to it, and he looked really sick. Even more than usual. Figures that the day he lied about having an allergy he actually found out he had one, karma probably. Raphael grimaced and walked to his room, nearly collapsing in relief on his bed when he arrived. He should have known the peace was fake. Moments after Raph had closed his eyes, someone grabbed him by the shoulder and forced him into a painful sitting position against the wall. Raph's eyes widened as he stared into his father's furious glare.

"F-father…" he stammered fearfully, "I'm sorry, I didn't-" Saki pulled Raph forward and then slammed him back into the wall again, Raph's head made a loud thud on the wall and he gasped in pain. "P-please!" he still felt sick, why couldn't the man just understand that? Unfortunately, Saki didn't seem to care if he did understand or not. He pulled Raph roughly to his feet and threw him into the center of the room, Raph stumbled but didn't let himself fall.

"You are a failure!" Saki snarled, "a useless lump of trash!" Raph just stared back at him, feeling empty. How was this fair? He was sick and Saki seemed fixed on hurting him even more than he usually did. Why did some people get easy lives, while he lived in this heck-hole? The man strode over and slapped Raph hard across the face, Raph stumbled back again, feeling blood run from a nostril again. So he didn't run out of blood, that was good.

"F-father!" he pleaded as Saki walked to him again. "I-I-" Saki slammed his elbow into Raphael's jaw and the boy cried out in pain, stumbling back. "I didn't mean to!" pain suddenly rippled through Raphael's body as Saki held a finger on his neck, a pressure point. He pressed harder and Raphael's knees buckled, he would have fallen to the floor if his father didn't slam him against the wall again.

"Do not speak to me!" Saki spat, glaring at Raph murderously. Raph let out a small whimpering noise and the man removed his finger, letting Raph fall to his hands and knees. "Do you hear me, Raphael?"

Raph nodded miserably, reaching up to rub the spot Saki had used to inflict such pain. When did he learn about pressure points? The man growled and pulled Raph to his feet, dragging him from the bedroom. Raph struggled weakly, feeling sick even though his stomach was empty. His father grabbed a roll of duct tape and put a strip over Raph's mouth, then layered it several more times.

"You won't speak to me again, will you?"

Raph shook his head miserably, feeling bile rise up in his throat. What if he threw up with the duct tape on his mouth? That would be gross! Saki pulled Raph roughly over to a closet and thrust him inside, slamming the door. Raph slid down the wall to sit on the floor, tears streaming down his face. Why did this have to happen? Why couldn't he just be normal? He heard heavy footfalls walk away, but didn't rise to see if the door was for some reason unlocked. The green-eyed teen pulled his legs to his chest and hugged them tightly, allowing himself to sob for the first time in a very long time.

* * *

 _ **Welp. yeah. Heh. Don't hate me, please! Lol, you knew what you were in for when you opened this story. There are warnings. You can't touch me. I think. 0-0 anyways, yeah! That's that chapter for ya, and I have fall break this weekend so I'll definitely be posting the next chapter on Friday! Thanks for reading and please review!**_

 _ **Until Friday,**_

 _ **-Jelly**_


	5. What A Surprise

_**Heyo! Today was a train wreck and I'm exhausted but I promised to get this chapter out so darn it I'll get this chapter out! Lemme just say, I've been blown away by the response to this fanfiction? I'm so glad you all love it so much?! Like wow?**_

 _ **To Skye7Diamond: yeah, Saki is not a very likable character in this. I do sometimes make him a better guy… but not for this fic. Nope. heh. You'll just have to see what happens to Shen and the Boys, I'm afraid. 3**_

 _ **To Flora Of The Elementals: yeah… He's gonna have a rough time in this one. I'm glad you love it though!**_

 _ **To Shaymandy: would I ever lie to you guys? *cough* don't answer that. Something good…. Uhhhh I'd go to a different fic. Maybe one of my lighthearted one-shots… *looks at all the angst* hm. Good luck, I guess. And here's a cyber hug. *hug***_

 _ **To CocoKissesTMNT: I warned you, did I not? XD**_

 _ **Warnings: Actually none, but this is like the only chapter that will be this way. You'll see.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT!**_

 _ **And now, The chapter!**_

* * *

"It says, 'Do not look at the past, nor the future, but focus on the now. For it is a gift.'" Mikey read from the slip of paper, then looked up at his brothers. "Isn't that from kung fu panda?" Donnie didn't even look up from his computer to reply.

"In that movie, Master Oguey did say something similar, right before he died." the older boy agreed, straightening his glasses. "I believe his exact words were, 'today is a gift, that's why it's called the present' which is very clever, but I'm not exactly sure that's why-"

"Dude," Mikey said, shaking his head with a smile. "It was a simple question, I don't need to hear you review the whole movie." now Donnie looked up.

"I'm not reviewing the whole movie, I'm talking about one line from one of the characters." he said peevishly, "obviously."

"When do you think Mom'll be home?" Leo wondered from where he sat with a book near the window. Mikey shrugged, cracking open another fortune cookie.

"I dunno, where was she going again?" he asked, eating the cookie as he read the fortune.

"Saki told her they were back from the doctor, so she went over," Leo replied. Mikey nodded, then read the next fortune out loud.

"Get ready to be surprised." he read, "huh. I can't wait for that one!"

"Didn't the last one say not to look to the future?" Donnie asked in annoyance, Mikey shrugged.

"Do you think Raph's okay?" he asked, opening the next plastic package of cookies. "He looked really sick." Donnie and Leo both glanced at each other, then Donnie looked at Mikey.

"Well, some nut allergies are very severe, possibly deadly. But if he got the treatment he should be fine, and it really does depend on what nut he was allergic to and how much of it he consumed, but I'd say that-"

"English?" Mikey suggested, biting into a fortune cookie and pulling the paper out gently with his teeth. Donnie made a face.

"He's probably okay." Donnie finished, then went back to his computer. "And what is it with you and your fortune cookie mania?"

"Some of the most beautiful things appear to be plain," Mikey replied, reading from the paper. "Hey, that was actually a great answer to your question! I told you these things worked!" he picked up another and cracked it open. "Are avocados fruit or veggie?" then peered at the paper. "Huh, interesting."

"What does it say?" Donnie asked despite himself, glancing at his brother.

"It says… 'you will find it useful to care more about important things than others' which means...fruit?" Donnie started laughing at this, shaking his head.

"No, it means you asked a stupid question." he chuckled, "whatever Mikey, king of the fortune cookies, I give up. But that was great." Mikey beamed smugly.

"Yeah, I know." he agreed, putting both hands behind his head and leaning back. He glanced out the window and then jumped to his feet, scattering fortune papers and plastic wrappers all over the floor. "She's back! Yeah, boi!" Leo and Donnie looked up as Mikey jumped over the couch and pulled open the door, just as Mom reached for the handle. She smiled and stepped inside, ruffling Mikey's hair.

"How's Raph?" Leo asked, closing his book. Shen pulled off her jacket and put it on the back of a chair before replying.

"Raphael will be alright, he was asleep in his bed when I arrived and I did not want to wake him," she explained, walking into the kitchen. "Saki says they will be more careful about Raphael eating nuts, it is a good thing I can cook for one with allergies."

"Yeah, since Donnie can't eat strawberries," Mikey said with a smirk, Donnie threw a wadded up paper at him and he laughed, skipping into the kitchen after his mom. "So, you're really getting married to his dad?" Shen nodded, smiling slightly as she put a pot on the stove.

"Yes, Michelangelo." she said, "we are getting married. Saki is a good man, isn't he one of your instructors at martial arts?"

"Yeah, that's how you met him." Mikey agreed, nodding his head up and down, then he sat backward on a chair to watch her prepare dinner. "Hey, mom?"

"Yes, Michelangelo?"

"Where are we gonna live after you marry him?" Mikey asked, tilting his head. "We can't live here, we can barely stand sharing a room with each other, not to mention adding in another kid. I think Leo's sick of having bunk beds." Mom chuckled softly, pulling a pack of noodles from the cupboard.

"We would most likely move out to Saki's house, he is going to be fixing it up with Raphael this summer." she explained, "it is very large, and will be pleasant once they repair the roof and attic." Mikey nodded, smashing his face slightly as he hummed to himself. "Why do you ask? Are you worried?" she glanced over at him and Mikey shook his head.

"I was just wondering." he said, "cuz we moved here after Dad died, so I figured we'd go somewhere else now that you're getting married again." Shen smiled, then nodded.

"We won't be moving for a little while." she said, "I have things to finish up here and they must fix up the house a bit. But we will probably be there by the middle of July."

"Cool!" Mikey said, hopping up and down in his chair slightly. "We'll go to a new school, that'll be so fun! Raph can introduce us to all his friends, and we can have video game tournaments on the weekends!" Mom laughed, ruffling Mikey's hair again.

"You'll be good for that boy." she said, "heaven knows he needs more fun. But, he is sick a lot and I can't blame his father for that. You're a good friend to him, Michelangelo." Mikey's face lit up at his mother's praise and he nodded proudly.

"Yeah! We're like, best buds!" he beamed, "did you know Raph's allergic to grass and pollen? That's why he couldn't go outside with me even though it's cloudy, but that's cool! We can do fun things inside too! I bet that house is great for hide and seek and we can make blanket forts in the den!"

"What are you talking about?" Donnie asked, walking into the kitchen and grabbing an apple.

"We're gonna move to Raph's house when Saki and Mom get married!" Mikey declared, kneeling in his chair. "It'll be great!" Donnie took a bite out of his apple, nodding thoughtfully. Once he swallowed, he spoke.

"That does sound fun, but one must wonder how good the foundation of the structure of the house is, after all, I looked it up and found that it was built early in the nineteen hundreds, though it appears solid it may have some faults. Though there are not many earthquakes here in new york, there are hurricanes and floods a lot. And if you think about it, think of the history of that house. Who knows how many people have lived there? It would be fascinating to see all the different things that happened there over time." Mikey blinked.

"I didn't understand a word you said," he said blankly. Donnie sighed.

"Nothing, Mikey, I was just talking about the house." he sighed, shaking his head and taking another bite of his apple. "What are you making for dinner, mom?"

"Just spaghetti." Mom replied, dumping the noodles into her pot of boiling water. "Donatello, can you get the sauce from the pantry, please?"

"Sure." Donnie nodded and squeezed past Mikey and Mom to get to the pantry, Mikey started hopping on his chair again.

"And when we move, we'll have a ton more space!" he declared, "did you see how big their kitchen was?" Mom nodded as Donie fished the can of sauce out of the pantry and put it on the counter next to mom.

"The apartment isn't that small," Donnie said, trying to get past the two of them again. Mikey snickered. "Okay, well, it would feel less small if you'd stop jumping around." Mikey exaggerated his hops more, and Donnie sighed, shaking his head. "Why do I even bother?" he wondered aloud.

"I don't know," Leo said, joining them. "Mikey, why does it look like you're attempting to launch into orbit?" Mikey giggled and Donnie sighed, shaking his head as he gave up and sat on a chair instead of going back to the living room. "Is that spaghetti?"

"It will be." Mom replied, "once it's done."

"Will it ever get done?" Mikey suddenly wondered in an announcer's voice, "will Donnie ever make it to the living room? Will Leo ever find true love? These are the mysteries that no one can solve, but we all know one thing…" he paused for effect as his brothers scowled. "Avocados are not fruit." Donnie sighed, throwing his hands in the air.

"Yes, they are! They're single-seeded berries! They are fruit!" he said, listing them on his fingers. "The definition of fruit according to the University of California Agriculture, is 'the matured ovary of-'"

"We get it." Mikey sighed, "nerd talk. Geez, Donnie. I was kidding." he smirked. "Avocado is an alien fruit." Donnie sighed and lay his head on the table in defeat. Leo laughed, leaning on the doorway.

"Donnie, face it. You'll never get Mikey to accept that he isn't right." Leo said, running a hand through his hair. "Remember the time he thought leprechauns were stealing his socks?"

"They were!" Mikey said loudly. Leo looked meaningfully at Donnie and Mikey narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. "Maybe...the leprechauns are part of the avocado alien invasion!" he gasped. "Avocados are green! Leprechauns are green! They both mind control people and steal socks! Guys this is an awesome breakthrough! I just connected two controversial theories!"

"Yeah no," Leo said, shaking his head. "Sorry Mikey, but avocados, unlike leprechauns, actually exist." Mikey scowled.

"Leprechauns exist!" he said defensively, Leo raised an eyebrow doubtfully while Donnie sighed in resignation. "Have you ever seen one, Leo?"

"Uh, no, thanks for prov-"

"So you can't say they definitely don't exist!" Mikey said firmly, folding his arms. "So ha!"

"Donatello, could you get plates from the cupboard?" Mom asked over her shoulder. Donnie got to his feet and obeyed, setting the four plates on their places at the small square table. "Thank you, and Michelangelo, why don't you save talking about the conspiracy for when we go to visit Raphael and Saki tomorrow? I am sure that Raphael will want to hear about it." Mikey's face lit up and Leo snorted.

"You obviously don't know him." Mikey heard the older boy say under his breath, Mom heard it too and turned, raising her eyebrows at Leo.

"What?"

"Uh, nothing, Mom. I just meant that Raph isn't that into conspiracies, that's all. I think he just likes brooding all the time." he explained, rubbing the back of his neck. Mom hummed and turned back to the stove, where she was stirring the sauce.

"Be polite about Raphael, Leonardo." She advised, "it must be hard for him to not go outside very much, stuck inside all day with only a few things to do. I am sure he wishes he could be like you three."

"I'd trade him!" Mikey volunteered. "I bet he plays video games all day long! That'd be so great! Wouldn't it, Donnie?" he looked over at his brown-eyed brother, who was shaking his head in amusement.

"I don't know, Mikey. I've never done it," he explained, pulling forks out of the dishwasher. "You guys could help, instead of talking all day."

"Well sorree, Mr. grumps." Mikey said, rolling his eyes. "But you seem fully capable and this kitchen is already crowded, do you really want me jumping around?" Donnie sighed.

"Yeah okay nevermind, I can do it by myself." he agreed, Leo laughed.

"Real nice, Mikey. Make threats so you don't have to do things." he joked, Mikey grinned mischievously.

"You got me all figured out! I gotta get a new code now!" he gasped, lying dramatically back onto the table. "The horror!"

"You're getting that plate dirty." Donnie protested, Mikey sat up again with a comical grin. "That's the one you get to use now."

"What if I touch all of them, can I eat all the spaghetti?" Mikey asked curiously, looking at the three other plates. Donnie narrowed his eyes.

"I'd like to see you try." he taunted, Mikey shrugged.

"I don't take dares," he said smugly, folding his arms again.

"Didn't you ride your skateboard down a sewer pipe on a dare once?" Leo asked, getting a few cups from another cupboard, Mikey's eyes widened.

"Dude! You said you wouldn't tell!" he whined, Mom laughed.

"Michelangelo, next time you don't want to be found out I suggest doing your own laundry," she advised. "Or just not get sewage all over your socks."

"Oh," Mikey said, resting his chin on the back of the chair. "That makes sense, but I got five bucks from the dare," he added proudly.

"Which you wasted on a comic book the next day," Donnie stated. Mikey turned to look at him with wide eyes.

"Dude! It was a first edition rise of the sewer squirrels! Do you know how rare those are? That was a great deal! Five bucks for that baby and my life was complete!" Mikey said, beaming happily.

"Sewer squirrels?" Leo asked eyebrow raised. "How fitting you bought that comic with the money you got from what you did." Mikey giggled, tilting his chair back and forth.

"I know, right? It was hilarious!"

"You know what else is hilarious?" Donnie asked. Mikey looked at him. "The fact that you still have that sticky note attached between your shoulder blades."

"What sticky note?" Mikey yelped, twisting around, "who put that there?"

"Donnie!" Leo protested, "if he didn't notice why did you tell him?" Donnie shrugged. Mikey grabbed the yellow paper and pulled it off his shirt with a frown.

"Dude! Is that why some kid kicked me when we were walking out of the restaurant?" he complained, glaring at his brothers, Leo snickered and sat in his chair. Mom put the spaghetti on the table and also sat down. "Not cool dude!"

"It was hilarious, Mikey." Donnie said with a smirk, "I thought you liked hilarious." Mikey rolled his eyes and sat down the right way in his chair, reaching for spaghetti.

"Yeah, I like it when I'm the one being hilarious." he muttered, "not when people kick me," Donnie smirked and Mom shook her head in amusement.

"So why did you do it to us on the last day of school?" Leo asked, raising an eyebrow. Mikey grinned sheepishly.

"How'd you know it was me?" he complained, laughing. "No fair!"

"Well then, you can't complain if we do it to you," Donnie said, punching Mikey lightly. Mom sighed, smiling slightly.

"You three have so much energy." she commented, "I don't know where you get it, but it's not from me." Mikey grinned.

"It's from the avocados!" he declared, "which are apparently in guacamole, which I did not know before today." Donnie sighed.

"Mikey, we've made our own guacamole before, how did you not know avocados are in it? It's the main ingredient!" Mikey frowned, thinking this over.

"Wait, avocados are those green things with the big seed inside?" he realized, "that is not what I thought they were." Donnie sighed, putting his head on the table again. Leo laughed.

"What did you think they were?" the older boy asked, looking at his brother with a grin. Mikey thought for a moment, trying to figure out what he'd been thinking of.

"You know in that movie where the food comes alive on the island?" he suggested, "and the fishing guy sees it and yells 'there's a leak on my boat'? Those things."

"Those are leeks!" Leo cracked up laughing, putting a hand over his eyes.

"Leeks are vegetables though." Donnie sighed, lifting his head up and shaking it in disbelief. "So, you were kind of right."

"See, I told you!" Mikey said triumphantly, folding his arms. "And leeks aren't in guacamole, are they?" he asked, frowning.

"No, they are not." Donnie sighed, shaking his head. Mikey smirked knowingly.

"Well what a surprise, Mikey knew what he was talking about." he said smugly, "guess that fortune cookie came true after all, huh?" Donnie sighed, shaking his head as he ate some spaghetti. Mikey giggled at this and started eating his own dinner.

"Yeah, but you thought leeks were avocados." Leo pointed out. Mikey stuck out his tongue and Leo chuckled, shaking his head.

"You three could drive someone crazy." Mom sighed, smiling. "Good thing I'm not just anyone."

* * *

 _ **That was okay, right? Not to much angst this chapter… except that Y'all know exactly what is going on behind their backs and they don't know a thing and mwahHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Anyways. Thoughts? Complaints? Cruel remarks that will make me cry myself to sleep? Stick 'em in the review!**_

 _ **Thanks for reading and until next time,**_

 _ **-Jelly**_


	6. A New Beginning?

_**First off you guys I'm so SOOO Sorry about missing the update on Tuesday… I really am. I kinda beat myself up about it… but I think you'll like this chapter? Hopefully, it was worth the wait! (SO SSO SORRY) This is a really… interesting chapter. There's actually some bonding between Raph and the guys… then a plot twist with just Raph and Saki! I'm excited to see your reactions to it. :)**_

 _ **To Flora Of The Elementals: I'm so glad the last chapter was just like I wanted it to be! That was exactly the point of having that chapter even EXIST! THANK YOU!**_

 _ **To Skye7Diamond: mwahahahaha I love your guys' reactions to thissss Thanks so much!**_

 _ **To Shaymandy: you are definitely right about Leo, I do tend to make him oblivious when I write. But I try to give him redeeming qualities as well… he's just my least favorite of the guys. 0-0 I'm sorre to any Leo fans out there lol. Tell me if I overdo it?**_

 _ **Warnings: Verbal/emotional abuse, lies, mentions of Child abuse**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT**_

 _ **And now, the chapter!**_

* * *

"I'm glad you feel a little better!" Mikey said, sitting cross-legged next to Raph's mattress. Raphael didn't roll over to acknowledge him, he just kept staring at the wall with his mouth clamped shut. He still felt like crap after what happened yesterday, not to mention he'd only been let out of the closet because the Hamatos were coming to see him. "Did you know that Donnie's allergic to strawberries? If he eats one, he gets all red as you did and his tongue swells up and he can't talk!" the kid continued enthusiastically. "And he gets these itchy spots all over him, they're called hives but I dunno why….are you sleeping or something?" Raph finally rolled over as Mikey knelt higher to see his face, and the kid smiled. "You aren't red anymore, that's good. Man, what happened to your face?" his eyes widened in concern and Raph frowned, wincing as the bruise on his jaw ached. He just shrugged, not replying. "Can you talk? I know you can, why aren't you?"

"Mikey, he's probably just tired," Leo said from the doorway. "Stop bugging him about it, okay?" for once, Raph was relieved to hear the blue-eyed teens voice, he closed his eyes tiredly. Mikey sighed, leaning his head on his hands.

"Well, Raph, I'd like to tell you about the breakthrough I had yesterday about the whole Avocado thing…" Raph groaned, rolling over again. He was not in the mood to deal with this.

"Why don't you tell him later?" Leo said, pulling Mikey to his feet. "You get some rest, Raph, you don't look so good." no duh, Sherlock, he felt like crap because the world hated him. Raph heard the two boys leave and sighed, pushing his head farther into his mattress. To his surprise, a few moments later, softer footsteps entered. Raph glanced up to see Donatello standing there, a worried look on his face as he knelt next to Raph's bed.

"Hey, Raph, are you okay?" he asked, reaching as if to feel Raph's forehead, Raph slapped his hand away reflexively, and Donnie paused, frowning. "You still look sick, and while some allergies do last for a few days after you're exposed, usually if you go to a doctor and receive treatment it eases up a bit, are you sure you're okay?" Raph sighed.

"'M fine, Don…" he mumbled, "just tired, but it's better than yesterday...I threw up in the doctor's office." Donnie wrinkled his nose.

"Well, that's technically a good thing, because it was your body expelling the toxic food you must have eaten." he said matter of factly, "I'm sure you'll feel better soon. Is there anything you want? I'm allergic to strawberries, and it's not much fun." Raph made a face into the mattress. Yeah, he wanted to get out of this house, out of this city, out of this state, and maybe even out of the country if he'd get away from Father. It sucked that other kids cared more about him than his own family, not that he considered Father his family. Not really family, he just wanted this all to stop.

"no...I'm good Don…" he mumbled, "just...tired…" Donnie hummed a bit under his breath, then Raph heard him pull something out.

"I brought you a book I thought you might like, I don't know if you like reading, but since you're sick and can't really do anything else I decided to bring it and see if you liked it." Raph groaned softly, a book? Yeah right, he was horrible at reading and writing, books just annoyed him more than anything. "Oh...not up to reading? I could read it to you...if you want." Raph didn't reply and he heard Donnie open the book. Why were these guys so freaking stubborn? Couldn't he see Raph just wanted to be alone? "The main characters a lot like you, actually. I think you'll like it Raph." Raph sighed, rolling onto his side facing the wall, as Donnie cleared his throat and started to read. Raph was surprised to find himself enjoying the story, as the kid in the book was thrown into a world of mystery and secrecy. Did this guy think he was some kind of detective of what? Raph scowled as he let himself be drawn into the story. That guy was just a kid, did he really think he could figure out what happened? Geez, this book was idiotic...okay not really he liked this. Donnie was good at reading, Raph could read the labels on boxes and that was about it, he didn't need to read anything else.

"Geez, are you _still_ reading?" a voice interrupted a scene where the main character was about to find a clue, Raph could tell that was about to happen. Now Don paused to reply.

"Yeah, I am. Why, is it time to go?" he asked, Raph rolled over, slightly disappointed to see Mikey nod. "Oh, okay, Raph I could leave the book here for you to read on your own if you feel up to it. Would that be okay?" Raph hesitated only a moment before nodding. Donnie smiled and slipped a bookmark into the book, setting it by Raph's mattress.

"You look better, Raph!" Mikey said happily. "I guess Donnie's right that reading helps, either that or he bored you into being healthy." Donnie rolled his eyes, pushing his brother playfully as they walked out.

"Bye, Raph, see you tomorrow," Donnie said, waving goodbye as he and Mikey walked out. Raph watched them leave, surprised to feel a bit disappointed. He usually got super annoyed by these guys...but they were starting to be the only good part of his life. Now Raph glanced down at the book and picked it up, running a finger down the pages. He opened to the first page and scowled, squinting at the letters as he tried to decipher the words.

"I n...never… said…" Raph slowly whispered, tracing his finger under the first line. "that….I wanted...fame…" footsteps came down the hall and Raph's eyes widened. He quickly closed the book and stuffed it underneath his mattress, then lay down again. Moments later, his father stormed into the room.

"Raphael, get on your feet, you pathetic child!" he snarled, Raph hurriedly stood up, grimacing as his head pounded. "We are fixing this house up, the second floor needs to be cleaned." Saki snarled, grabbing Raph's arm and pulling him there. "I have men coming to fix the roof, but you are in charge of getting the upper bedrooms ready for when they move in, understand?" Raph nodded, keeping his mouth clamped tightly shut in worry. "good. Go on, then." Saki roughly pushed Raph at the bathroom closet, and Raphael grimaced as he fell against the door. He pulled open the closet and grabbed the broom and Windex, then a roll of paper towels before heading to the stairs. His father had vanished into the house somewhere, Raph wasn't sure where. He wasn't sure he wanted to know, actually. Saki always got angry when Raph asked questions, so Raph hadn't asked questions for a long time. Raphael walked to the top of the stairs and then to a window in the room at the top, he sprayed Windex onto it and started washing it gently with a paper towel.

"Wonder when they're coming…" Raph wondered softly, almost silently, to himself. He shrugged and kept working. It wasn't until he was sweeping the floors from dust in the hallway that he froze upon hearing his father's voice.

"No it doesn't matter how just keep him alive and where I left him." the man was saying in annoyance, Raphael gingerly walked to a door that was ajar and peeked in, this was Saki's office. The man sat at his desk, his back to the door, talking on the phone. "No, do not do that." a pause. "If you want to keep your job, you'll keep Hamato Yoshi where he is until I can get rid of him, alright?" Raphael's eyes widened, that name sounded familiar, he stepped backward softly into the big room again, mind whirling. What had the man been talking about? Who had he been talking to? And… was he talking about some kind of hostage? Raph shook his head, turning to sweep out a corner. He was still a little loopy from being sick, not to mention that detective book Don had been reading to him. It was probably something else… so where had he heard that name before? Saki never told Raph anything about his work, so who was this Hamato Yoshi guy? The name sounded so familiar!

"Maybe I'm going crazy," Raph mumbled, shaking his red-haired head. But something still nagged at the back of his mind...what was it? Raphael sighed in annoyance as he walked to the unused bedrooms down the hall, past his father's office where he could still hear him arguing with the person on the other end. He pushed open one of the doors and made a face. There was no furniture, but there was a huge spider web in the window and a layer of dust everywhere.

"Raphael." Raph jumped in surprise, almost dropping the broom and he spun around to find himself face to face with his father. Raph lowered his eyes to the floor, trying to act like he normally did. "You...you are doing well." Raphael's eyes widened in surprise. "Once you finish the windows and sweeping up here, I need you to clean the kitchen. Then you may go to your room, I will be gone for a while." Raph nodded, gripping the broom tightly to disguise his shaking hands. Saki nodded and turned on his heel, walking out. Raph stared after him. That was the first time in a while they'd discussed chores without Raph getting hit...maybe this really would change something. Maybe Saki getting remarried to Tang Shen would help Raph too. Raph heard the door downstairs close but was too distracted by what he'd just realized to notice or keep sweeping. He knew where he'd heard the name Hamato Yoshi before. Hamato Yoshi was Tang Shen's first husband, and he was supposed to be dead.

* * *

"It...wasn't...the first…" Raphael scowled, pausing with his finger under the longer word. What the heck was that supposed to mean, how could anyone read something that long and freaking complicated? "In...ci...dent… incident…" oh, that made way more sense. "To end...in death." a shiver ran down the boy's spine. He was trying to distract himself from what he'd realized earlier, first, he'd finished his chores and then he came in here to practice reading. "but...I knew….this...was…" he paused again, "diff...er….ent… different." a small smile appeared on his face. "I knew this time, this time was...uh...this time was spec...ial….special." the door to the house slammed and Raphael's head jerked up, instinctively snapping the book shut and shoving it under the mattress. Moments later, Raphael's bedroom door flew open.

"Raphael." Saki said, "get up." he was definitely in a bad mood, and Raph jumped to his feet, eyes wide. "You need to help me move these beds into the house, to the bedrooms." Raph nodded, Saki must have been out buying furniture for when they moved in. mostly beds, since the only real bed in this house was in the master bedroom. Raph followed his father out into the driveway, squinting slightly against the sun. He was slightly surprised Saki wanted him outside, even though there weren't any close neighbors or visitors at the moment. The boy glanced up at his father before looking back down at his feet a few times, and they arrived at the trailer Raph didn't know they had. "Each of these boxes has a bed." Saki suddenly said Raph nodded, looking at the four large boxes. "One goes to each bedroom upstairs, understand?" Raphael nodded again. Saki nodded as well, and Raph walked to one of the boxes. It was even bigger than he thought, of course, it was if it held a taken apart bed. He didn't know everything, but the beds were pretty big. He reached down and gripped the edge, half carrying and half dragging it toward the house. Then he frowned. There were four of the boxes. Raph hauled the box up the front steps and the cardboard slipped, the box fell with a thump onto the porch. Raphael's eyes widened in fear and he grabbed it again, glancing to his father. Saki was watching him with an unreadable expression, Raph tightened his hold and kept pulling the box to the stairs.

"Raphael," Raph flinched as Saki grabbed his arm, holding him tightly as soon as they were inside the house, Raph looked down, swallowing nervously. "I will carry the boxes, you are too weak. Instead, I would like you to wait in your room for me. Alright?" Raph nodded, clenching his hands to stop them shaking. He knew that voice, it was bad enough when Saki was angry at him, but when he sounded disappointed like this? This was not going to be a very good day. Father patted his shoulders roughly and then gently pushed him toward the room. It was one of the first times Raph remembered him doing anything describable as 'gentle'. What was going on? Raph walked into his bedroom and sat cross-legged on his mattress, chewing on the edge of his lip nervously. He couldn't help but think about what he'd overheard earlier that day. What if Saki knew he heard it? Or what if he was wrong about it? Was he sure that his father had said, 'Hamato Yoshi' and even if he did, could he be sure that was the other boy's father? Raph sighed, rubbing his face wearily. Not to mention that Saki was acting strange today. This morning he hadn't hit Raph once, and just now after Raph dropped the thing? What was going on? Raphael's eyes widened. Was it possible that...it was over?

"Maybe…" Raph whispered softly, staring at his hands through his red-haired bangs. Could that be it? Could his father finally be content with life? He was about to have a new wife, and three other sons. Was it possible that Raphael's personal hell was finally over? He didn't want to think that, but Raph couldn't help but hope it was true. "Oh, please," Raphael said, throat suddenly tight as he hugged his knees. "Please let it be over." Over, Raph didn't even remember when it had started, he'd been so young. A dry sob cracked from his throat and Raph balanced his forehead gently on his bony knees. If it was over...he could finally be happy. He could go a day without wondering if he'd eat, or get hit, or see his father at all… Raph took a shaky breath, then shook his head furiously.

"Don't...don't do this to yourself," he muttered, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "Don't…" Raph sighed, lifting his gaze to scan his small bedroom. It was technically built to be a small office or a large closet...maybe a storage room. Raph sighed, looking down at his pale arms. If, and only if, this all changed. Would he still have to stay inside? He was pretty sure he couldn't just get healed of whatever disease he was supposed to have. Raph snorted at this, shaking his head. He didn't really understand any of this, after all, his Father was right in that he was ignorant. Raphael could hardly fake his way through school, he'd been held back twice now, seeing as he could barely read and only write his own name. The boy sighed, closing his eyes. He wished his life wasn't like this, but how could he change his fate? He leaned against the wall, feeling tired. Why was everything so confusing?

The door opened and Raph's head shot up groggily, had he fallen asleep? Saki stood in the doorway for a moment, then came and sat on the floor in front of Raph. Raph stared at him. What was he doing? The man had never done that before, not for a long time.

"Raphael," Saki said, looking as if he didn't quite know how to speak. "Shen and her boys were evicted from their apartment when they returned home, they have twenty-four hours to leave." Raph's eyes widened. Where would they go? Oh, right, here. That must be why Saki got the beds. "They will be returning here tonight, and I must speak to you about how things will be once they move in." he hesitated, Raph continued to stare at him. Then, to Raphael's complete shock, Saki lowered his head. "I am tired of doing what we have been doing Raphael, I have not been a good father to you." Raph blinked, speechless. "It is done, I am sorry for the pain I inflicted, from now on you will not be hurt." then he lifted his head and looked directly into Raph's eyes. "But you must not tell anyone about our relationship before this day," he warned. Raph nodded, mouth hanging slightly open. "Good. I am sorry, for what I put you through all these years."

"I…" Raph just stared at him, not knowing what to say. Was this really happening? Was he dreaming?

"I love you, Raphael." tears sprung to Raph's eyes. He'd wanted to hear those words for so long, so long he could hardly bear it. Before he could control himself Raph dove forward and embraced his father, tears in his eyes.

"I love you too, Dad," he whispered. Saki seemed like he didn't really know what to do but slowly embraced Raph back.

"You will be moving upstairs with Shen's boys." he finally said, "I have purchased you a bed. If they ask, you were originally in this room temporarily, and things got busy. Understand?" Raph nodded, though he felt slightly confused. There was still secrets, still lies. Still scars, and remaining bruises he had to hide. But it was over, it was finally over.

"I understand." Raph nodded, Saki smiled.

"Good. you may carry your things upstairs and select one of the rooms now, we must prepare to welcome the rest of our family home," he said, getting to his feet. Raph followed suit, nodding. There was a grin on his face that he couldn't erase. It was over, it was all finally over. Saki left the room and Raph turned to survey what he'd called his room until then. He moved as quickly as possible to grab his box and hide his book in the bottom, then lifted it into his arms, looking around. He didn't own anything else, but this was a new beginning. Raph turned and walked out of the room, toward the stairs, still grinning. His life was about to start new, and everything was going to be okay.

* * *

 _ **So, I'm not going to comment on what just happened except that I'm a sucker for Donnie and Raph bonding lol. But that was at the beginning, I won't say a word about this ending. I just want to know what you guys think! And once again, I'm really sorry about missing on Tuesday and I'll do my best to assure you get a chapter next week! Until then, Thanks for reading and please review!**_

 _ **See you Tuesday,**_

 _ **-Jelly**_


	7. I Can't Believe

_**Hey, guys, it's Tuesday and I feel like a piece of crap so this is gonna be a short unhappy authors note. The last chapter was a whirlwind and this one will be the same, though it has more bonding in it. Anyways, yeah.**_

 _ **To Skye7Diamond: sorry there was so much in one chapter. And lol, you're right to be worried.**_

 _ **To Flora Of The Elementals: you're right. And… thanks. Re-reading your review made me feel a bit better.**_

 _ **To SpiritFighter208: pshhh why don't you believe Saki? He's completely trustworthy. Lol, what do you mean 'ok'? Of course He'll be okay.**_

 _ **To Raigon: Thanks! Hope you enjoy this.**_

 _ **To Shaymandy: ah, hope. You're right it won't last… but we'll see. What thoughts do you have? I'm curious.**_

 _ **WARNINGS: getting evicted, lies, mentions of 'death'/losing a loved one**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT**_

 _ **Enjoy the chapter while I have a crisis.**_

* * *

"I can't believe they kicked us out," Leo said moodily, taping a box shut. Mom sighed from where she was wrapping dishes in newspaper.

"We haven't paid the rent for two months, Leonardo. This was our last chance. At least we have a place to go." She added, Leo shrugged, pulling open a new box and putting more books inside.

"You have a ton of books, Don," he said, flipping through the worn out pages of one. Donnie looked up from where he was packing up appliances.

"Well yeah, everyone should have that many books, really. They're good for brain development and-"

"Okay," Leo said, shaking his head with a grin. "I was just saying."

"Dude!" Mikey poked his head out of the bedroom. "Do you know how many shirts fit in one box? A whole lot of shirts!"

"Good." Mom said, smiling slightly. "Are you nearly done, boys?" Leo emptied the rest of the bookshelf into his box and nodded.

"Yeah. we really can't take the furniture?" he asked, looking at his mother. She sighed, shaking her head.

"It came with the house and it stays with the house," she said regretfully, running a hand over the worn out table top. Leo nodded, taping that box shut as well. "Start taking the things out to the van, then. I'll pack mine up and then we can go before it gets too late."

"Sure thing momio!" Mikey said, skipping out of the room with three boxes in his arms. "Whoops!" one fell off, which Leo caught, smirking. "Heh, sorry Leo."

"Don't carry three at once," Donatello suggested, picking up his box. "And if you do, don't skip. I would explain the physics to you but you wouldn't understand so just trust me."

"Right-o!" Mikey sang, walking to the door with his two remaining boxes. "Moving day, come a few months early! Woo woo!" Leo sighed, lifting up a box of books with a grimace.

"Geez, I forgot how heavy books were." he grumbled, "last time we moved them was when we moved here…" after Dad died. Leo shook his head and followed his brother out to the van, Donnie followed him. Mikey was sitting in the trunk with his boxes, looking thoughtful.

"Hey, Leo?" he asked as Leo turned to go back inside, Leo turned. Donnie frowned, looking between them.

"Yeah, Mikey?" Leo asked, leaning on the side of the van. Mikey looked up at him, he looked like he'd been thinking hard. Which was not normal. "You okay?"

"Do you think Mom loves Raph's Dad?" Mikey asked. Leo blinked in surprise. Where had Mikey gotten that question from?

"Well, I guess." he shrugged, "I haven't really thought about it. I mean, she agreed to marry him right?" Mikey nodded, still thoughtful.

"It's not uncommon for people to get remarried after a spouse dies." Donatello said softly, in the voice his brothers called 'scientist mode' when Don wanted to stay detached from the topic. "And they've been dating for a while, pretty seriously. I think she probably does, why do you want to know?" Mikey shrugged.

"Do you think he loves her?"

"He wants to marry her." Leo said again, "Mikey I know it's weird but, where are you getting these questions?" Mikey shrugged.

"Mikey, marriage is a life-changing decision. Mom is smart enough to think it over, and I'm sure Saki is too. They wouldn't agree to it if they didn't." Donnie said, shaking his head. Leo's twin turned and walked back to the house, Leo watched him go. Mikey sighed.

"You okay Mikey?" Leo asked, turning back to his baby brother. Mikey nodded, then shrugged. Leo laughed. "What does that mean?"

"I dunno, I just feel like… we're betraying dad," he said softly, looking at his hands. Leo frowned, sitting next to his brother comfortingly.

"Mikey, Saki isn't replacing Dad. He never will." Leo said firmly, "okay? Dad would want Mom to be happy, and if marrying him would make her happy, then that's what he would want." Mikey thought about this for a moment, then nodded, looking slightly relieved.

"You're right." he agreed, shaking his head. "Sorry, Leo."

"It's fine, Mikey," Leo said, the truth was, he'd been thinking the same questions the night before, which is why he knew what Mikey needed to hear. Leo himself was still slightly confused about the whole situation, how people could love enough to marry more than once and one person. But he wanted their mom to be happy too, Leo smiled and got to his feet. "Come on little brother, we still have a lot of boxes to pack," he said, Mikey walked after him. They passed Don, who was already on his way back with another box. Leo noticed his twin had a calculating expression on his face, and he didn't seem to notice his brothers. Leo sighed, walking into the house. Things were going to change, but they might just change for the better.

* * *

"We're here!" Mikey yelled at the top of his lungs, the other people in the car cringed as he opened the door and jumped out.

"Mikey, we know," Don said sourly, unbuckling himself. "We've been here hundreds of times." the front door opened and Saki walked onto the porch, smiling. To Mikey's surprise and elation, Raph followed, in a sweatshirt hoodie and baseball cap.

"Hey, Raph!" Mikey called, skipping up the path toward him. Raphael offered a small smile in response. "You're feeling better?"

"Yeah, I am," Raph said. He looked better, to Mikey. Not as sad.

"Good," Donnie said, smiling to reveal the gap in his teeth. Then he turned and looked up at the house. "Way bigger than our place."

"You can say that again!" Mikey said, jumping up and down, "we all shared a room before! Do we get our own rooms here?" Saki laughed.

"Yes, Michelangelo. You get your own room. We have been getting things ready for you to get here all day." he replied, Raph smiled.

"Yeah!" Mikey cheered, Leo walked over and ruffled his hair, Mikey grinned.

"Let's get your things inside," Saki said, walking toward the trunk of the car. Mom walked over to him and smiled, leaning her head on his shoulder gently. Mikey watched them uncertainly, then skipped along to the back of the van. Raph walked over next to him, hands stuffed in his pockets as he avoided the grass.

"I'm so pumped for this!" Mikey gasped, throwing his arms around the other boy. Raph stiffened, barely. "Oh right, sorry Raph." he giggled, stepping back. Raph smiled, shaking his head.

"Nah, it's fine Mikey. You just surprised me," he said, halting next to the open trunk to let Saki, who was carrying two large boxes, pass. Mikey nodded and picked up one of his own boxes, Raphael took a smaller one and they walked toward the house.

"I can't believe it!" Mikey squealed, "it's like we're brothers now! Isn't that super awesome!"

"Yeah." Raph agreed, nodding. Mikey started to skip as they walked up the sidewalk, humming to himself. Raph was smiling, he looked happier than Mikey had ever seen him. Probably because he wouldn't be alone all the time, stuck inside. "Come on, I'll show you guys the bedrooms we fixed up!" Raph said suddenly, turning to smile at Leo and Donnie. Mikey blinked in surprise. Raph was hardly ever this happy. He must be excited for them to move it, and to think Leo had used to feel like Raph hated him.

"Sure, why not?" Donnie asked, walking faster to catch up. Leo followed and Raph led them into the house. Mikey had never been upstairs before, but Raph walked up confidently.

"There's still some leaks in the hallway." Raph said, "since the roof guys are coming tomorrow. But we have a tub to catch any water and the bedrooms are okay."

"You seem in a good mood," Leo observed, Raph paused, frowning.

"What are you talking about?"

"You hardly ever talk this much for one thing." Don piped up, "and you're smiling more." Raph shrugged this off as they reached the top of the stairs.

"Whatever. Come on, this first door on the left is my dad's office, the second on the left is mine, but the rest is open."

"I thought your room was downstairs," Mikey said, adjusting his hold on the box he was holding.

"That was temporary, we were meaning to move me up here once we got the roof fixed," Raph replied. Leo nodded, walking to a slightly open door. The room was empty except for a bed, but it was pretty spacious.

"Cool, Donnie this one has built-in shelves." he looked over his shoulder. "You can put your books there, do you want this room?" Donnie walked over and Mikey skipped down the hall to the room across from Raph's, opening the door.

"I call this one!" he sang, walking inside to put his box down. "It's right across from you, Raph!" Raph laughed a bit.

"Nice, where does this go?" he hefted the box, Mikey glanced at it and then grinned.

"Hey, my comics!" he cheered, taking the box from Raph. "sweet! Have you read any of these? Invasion of the Sewer Squirrels, Four Fantastic Food Groups, Megaforce Five?" Raph shook his head, looking suddenly nervous.

"Uh, no." he rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't do much comic book reading." he chuckled nervously. "I'm gonna go help move more stuff, see you Mike." then he was gone. Mikey frowned after him but shrugged and tore open his box of comic books.

"Mikey come on." Leo appeared at the door. "We gotta help mom and Saki unload, you can unpack later." Mikey sighed, putting down the first edition issue he'd just picked up.

"Okay," he whined, following Leo out of the room. They joined Donnie by the stairs and walked back out to the car, Raph was carrying another box inside by then, his hood pulled protectively over his face to shield his skin. Don frowned.

"Do you think he's tried sunscreen?" he wondered. "Like, a really high level of it? Maybe with the right combinations, he wouldn't have to wear that all the time." Mikey frowned watching Raph walk into the house with his box.

"I dunno, maybe his skin condition doesn't like sunscreen?" he shrugged. "Come on let's get this over with Donnie!" Mikey ran to the van and pulled a box out, grunting. "Geez, is this your books?" he complained, Don smirked, taking it from him.

"I thought you were a super strong champion." he teased, shaking his head, Mikey folded his arms moodily.

"Yeah, well no one but you can carry that many books." he grumped, Leo walked past with one of the other boxes full.

"You were saying?" Donnie laughed as Mikey retrieved a box of dishes.

"Whatever," he said, walking past his brother. Donnie laughed.

"Okay, truce," he said, catching up with Mikey. Mikey grinned and nodded, stepping sideways to run into his brother. "Hey!" Donnie elbowed him back.

"What happened to the truce?" Mikey complained, Donnie rolled his eyes.

"You happened," he said, walking up the porch steps.

"Oh." Mikey pouted, following. "Sorry, Dee." Donnie chuckled, walking to the kitchen and putting his box on the table. Mom was unpacking some of them already, she smiled.

"Thank you, boys. We'll have this unpacked in no time, alright?" Donnie nodded, Mikey grinned and folded his arms.

"Only if we stop standing around," Leo said, walking from the stairs to the front door. "Raph's carried in five boxes already, come on!"

"Okay okay, geez." Mikey rolled his eyes as he and Donnie followed. "Touchy touchy." Donnie snickered and Leo rolled his eyes, jumping off the porch.

"Whatever guys, just come on."

* * *

Mikey lay back, hands propped behind his head as he stared at the ceiling. It was weirdly quiet here, outside of the big city. He could hear everything, Leo was snoring and Donnie was mumbling in his sleep. Raph was asleep though, but he was probably used to the quiet. Mikey tapped his fingers on his head, humming slightly to entertain himself. It was gonna be so weird to live here! He had another brother and Saki would be here too, which was almost like having another Dad. even though no one could replace his Dad. Mikey sighed, sitting up in his bed.

"Man, I can't sleep!" he complained, cupping his chin in his hand, eyes skimming the room. "Where's that old nightlight?" he grumbled, sliding out of the bed and kneeling next to a box with his name scrawled on it. He pulled it open and frowned, peering inside. Comics, old underwear, picture frame… Mikey pulled out the picture and smiled, tilting his head as he looked at it. Dad, Leo, Donnie, and Mikey were all in ninja poses, colored masks tied around their faces. Mikey's tongue was sticking out, Leo seemed serious, and Donnie, as always, seemed to be thinking about a hundred things at once. Mikey didn't know how his head could handle that, but it did.

"Hey Dad." he wiped the dust off the frame. "You can sit on the window, right by me!" the boy beamed and propped up the picture frame after pulling aside the curtains. Moonlight streamed in and he smiled, looking at the picture. Then he frowned. "I miss you."

"Mikey?" Michelangelo jumped and spun around, getting into a defensive position, then he saw who it was and relaxed.

"Hey Leo." he sighed, rubbing the back of his head. "I thought you were asleep," he said softly. Leo walked over and put a hand on Mikey's shoulder, looking over at the window.

"I had to go to the bathroom." he replied, "and I heard you up. You okay?" Mikey shrugged.

"Yeah, I guess," he said softly. "Sorry to bug you, bro, I was looking for my nightlight." he knelt next to the box and rifled through it again, "and then I got distracted." Leo chuckled, kneeling next to him.

"Sounds like you." he playfully punched Mikey in the arm, Mikey smiled, then pulled out the light and held it up.

"Found it!" he grinned, walking on his knees to an outlet and pushing it in. Orange stars spread across the ceiling and Mikey beamed, tilting his head back.

"Oh, I remember this one," Leo said, sitting with his back against Mikey's bed. "You got for your eighth birthday, right?" Mikey nodded.

"Yup." he scooted back and sat next to his big brother, sighing sadly.

"What's wrong?"

"I miss Dad…" Mikey said softly, sniffing. Leo wrapped his arms around him and held him tightly, leaning his cheek on the top of Mikey's head.

"I miss him too, little bro." he said softly, "I miss him too."

* * *

 _ **Ooof. welp. Feels. Had enough of those today, to tell the truth. Thoughts? Cruel remarks? Go ahead and leave a review because heaven knows those help me feel better especially when I hate myself. Anyways, thanks for reading and until next time, Happy Halloween!**_

 _ **See you on Friday,**_

 _ **-Jelly**_


	8. I Won't Tell

_**Hey you guys! It's Friday and I'm here to deliver! Another short unhappy AN because my life is still a disaster. My one-year-old brother is in the hospital with an infection and I'm probably gonna fail my AP history class. Awesome.**_

 _ **To AkimIiTheWriter: just responding to all your reviews at once LOL buckle up mother trucker. First off, you're right about how people write Saki. but if you did want to read a Saki redemption kind of fic, I have a four-chapter ficlet called 'The End Result' you may want to check out. That's enough self-promo for now. I don't know anything about FNAF but I'm guessing that wasn't very nice toward Saki, lol. I'd be surprised if it was. I'm glad you seem to be enjoying this and I hope you don't end up hating me XD**_

 _ **To Skye7Diamond: ohhhh you just wait. Those theories in your head are good, butttt mine may end up being better. You'll see. This chapter is a doozy!**_

 _ **To Shaymandy: oh, you have no idea how long it will be until things are 'good'. Mwahahahahahahaha. Just you waittttttt**_

 _ **WARNINGS: physical abuse, violence, yelling, lies, mentions of kidnapping, and threats :D**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT**_

 _ **And now, enjoy it if you can!**_

* * *

"Rise and shine!" the door to Raph's room flew open and he yelped, tumbling off the bed. "It's a brand new day! Aw yeah!" Raph groaned, rubbing his head where it had hit the floor. "Raph? What are you doing on the floor?"

"Nothing." Raph sighed, shaking his head. "What are you doing in here Mikey?"

"Uh, getting you up." Mikey grinned cheesily. "Come on Raphie-boy!"

"Don't call me that," Raph said, getting to his feet.

"Mikey, are you seriously bugging him less than ten minutes after we told you not to?" Leo's voice asked. Footsteps walked down the hall. Mikey giggled nervously.

"Uh, yeah?" he looked sheepishly at Raph. "sorry man."

"Whatever." Raph shrugged, grabbing a baseball cap and sticking it on his head moodily. "What time is it?"

"Almost nine yo! You slept in for like, ever!" Mikey said dramatically, Raph rolled his eyes and followed the kid out, feeling slightly guilty. He'd heard him awake the night before, talking to Leo. he wouldn't usually feel guilty about something like that, but he couldn't help it. After all, he might be the only person other than Father to know their dad was actually alive somewhere… Raph shivered. But what was he supposed to do? Them becoming a family was probably the only reason Father promised to stop hurting Raph, but...still.

"We can do all kinds of fun things today!" Mikey said, jumping down the stairs three at a time. Raph yawned. Leo chuckled.

"Why don't we have breakfast first." the older boy suggested. Raph rubbed his eyes tiredly, not quite understanding why they were here. Then he blinked, oh yeah. A smile crossed the boy's face and he felt less tired. It was over, and everything was going to be okay.

"Yeah!" Mikey cheered, "breakfast is the most important meal of the day! Wahoo!" Raph snorted, running a hand down his face to wake himself up. They walked into the kitchen and Raph glanced around warily. Tang Shen was at the table and so was Donnie, but Father wasn't there. He let himself relax slightly. They wouldn't hurt him.

"Good morning Raphael." Tang Shen said, smiling warmly at him. Raph forced a small smile, trying to listen through the house to find where Father was. "I am sorry Michelangelo woke you."

"It's okay," Raph said, rubbing his arm.

"What do you wanna eat?" Mikey asked, pulling boxes of breakfast cereal, something Raph had no memory of ever eating, out of the pantry that was stocked with extra food because of the added four people.

"I dunno." Raph shrugged.

"Want Reese's puffs?" Mikey suggested, shaking an orange box.

"He can't." Donnie looked up from his book. "Remember Mikey? Nuts." Mikey blinked, then smiled sheepishly. Raph folded his arms over his chest and stood by the counter, biting his lip.

"Oh yeah, sorry Raph." Raph shrugged in response, "so what do you usually have?" Raph blinked, thinking fast.

"Uh…" he glanced around, eyes falling on Donnie's half-eaten breakfast. "Toast." Mikey nodded, then got himself cereal. Raph stood for a moment before realizing he should probably fend for himself, as usual. He grabbed a few slices of bread and placed them in the toaster, hitting the button roughly.

"Good morning." Raphael nearly jumped out of his skin when Father spoke from the doorway, but he managed to stay composed.

"Morning." he greeted, the others all echoed in their various ways.

"Did you sleep well, Raphael?" Father put a hand on Raph's shoulder and he held back a flinch, nodding.

"Yeah." Father nodded, turning away. His acting complete, he seemed like a wonderful father. Raph bit his tongue and took a deep breath. Things were different now, though. Father had promised not to hurt him again, and Raph believed him. The toast popped up with a creak of springs and Raph jumped, Mikey laughed.

"Dude you totally just zoned out there!" he giggled, pointing with his spoon. "That was funny!"

"Be nice Mikey," Leo said, frowning.

"It's fine," Raph said, pulling the bread out of the toaster and staring at it. Butter went on toast. He grabbed the butter dish and spread it on, then took a bite and finally turned to face the kitchen. Father had coffee and was reading something on his tablet, Mikey, Leo, and Donnie was at the table eating, and Tang Shen was doing the crossword in the newspaper. Raph glanced quickly at Father, who wasn't paying attention, then sat down at the table next to Leo, picking at his toast with a frown.

"What are you boys going to do today?" Shen asked. "Get to know the neighborhood?"

"Maybe," Mikey said, stirring the last few pieces of cereal with his spoon. "But it's sunny today, Raph can't go out with us. I thought we could hang out here or something." Raph frowned, looking through his bangs.

"You can go." he said, "I don't mind. I'm used to bein' here…" he trailed off. He could have just screwed up big time, Father was paying attention now, watching with an innocent expression, but his eyes were trained on Raph. "when Dad goes to work." Raph glanced at Father, who smiled thinly. Well, that was a relief.

"But now you don't have to be," Mikey said, stirring vigorously and then letting go, the spoon traveled a bit without his hand guiding it. "We could play video games or hide and seek or something." Raph shrugged.

"You can go out if you want." he said simply, "or you could stay here. I don't care." Leo scowled and Raph looked back at his toast, he didn't feel hungry anymore.

"I'll stay here." Mikey decided, looking at his brothers, "What about you guys? We can look around the place on a cloudy day or something."

"I'll stay," Donnie said, looking up from his book. "I want to organize my stuff."

"Me too." Leo agreed. Shen nodded.

"Very well then," she said, Father suddenly stood and Raph flinched, then took a bite of toast quickly.

"I must be going," he said, smiling thinly around. Raph guessed that the others thought of his smile as warm and loving, but it was hard for him too. "I will see you all this afternoon."

"Goodbye Saki," Shen said cheerfully, writing a few letters.

"Bye Dad,"

"Yeah see you later!" Mikey called, while Leo and Donnie echoed their mother. And then he was gone, the car engine started and Raph listened to it go down the street, feeling himself relax even more. He finished the rest of his toast, then walked to the sink and rinsed it off, focusing intently on getting the butter from one edge.

"Did you sleep in your jeans?" Donnie asked, and Raph turned, glancing at his legs.

"Uh, yes…" he trailed off. "Why? Something wrong with that?"

"No, it just doesn't sound comfortable," Donnie said, closing his book. "I'm going to go upstairs for a bit, see you guys."

"See ya." Raph watched Donnie leave, then shifted awkwardly. "Um...I think I will too. I wanted to do some stuff for a bit…" he slowly backed out and then turned to the stairs, rubbing his arm. The boy walked up to his room and sat on his bed, staring at the small book in his hands. Then with a sigh, Raphael opened to the folded down page and scowled intently, trying to focus on reading. But too much has happened, he didn't really understand. For one thing, the book used larger words than he was used to. For another thing, Michelangelo's cheerful voice carried throughout the entire house. Raphael groaned, squinting harder at the page as he changed position, lying on his back and holding the book above his face.

"Inf-infa- no…" Raph growled, turning the book as if it would make more sense that way. "Intifany…. What the heck does intifany mean?"

"What?" Raph moved the book and saw Donnie standing outside his room, looking confused.

"Intifany," Raph repeated, gesturing to the book. Donnie walked over, frowning.

"Infinity, not intifany," he said, tapping the page. "You don't read much huh?"

"Not really," Raph said softly, looking at the page. "Infinity. Thanks."

"No problem." Donnie said, standing awkwardly then, "do you like the book?"

"Huh?" Raph glanced up from trying to decipher the pages.

"Do you like it?"

"Oh… yeah." Raph nodded, a smile growing on his face. "This guy is smart, putting all the clues and things together and figuring out what happened…" he trailed off, glancing at Don. "it must be cool."

"Yeah." Donnie nodded, smiling a bit. "I want to be like that you know. A forensic detective when I grow up. To help people find out what happened to their loved ones…" Donnie turned. "Well see you later Raph." Raph stared after him, guilt gnawing his stomach into knots. Donnie was thinking about Hamato Yoshi too, which made sense really. Raph guessed he'd be thinking of his mom if he remembered her more and if Father getting married wasn't a good thing for him. Then again… Raph set the book aside and bit his lip. He might be the only one it was good for. This Hamato Yoshi guy, he was probably in danger. But what could Raph do about it? He was just a kid, and he was still afraid of Father hurting him again.

"Uuuuuugh." Raph slumped back drawing out a groan. Why did this have to happen? Why couldn't he just have a normal life? Why couldn't his stupid Father just not be a total jerkface? Raph sat up, scowling. Today was Thursday, so where the heck was Father going? He only taught martial arts on Mondays Wednesdays Fridays and Saturdays. Raph got up, walking quietly to the door of his room, looking around. No one was there. He took a glance back at the book on his bed and smiled, then quickly made his way next door to Father's office, closing the door gently behind him. His nerves were on high alert, mostly because invading Fathers personal space was the one thing he should never do. Raph walked to the computer and juggled the mouse, frowning. To his surprise and confusion, four security camera streams popped up. One of a hallway where a man held a gun, guarding a door. Raph stared, then looked at the others. The last three were different vantage points in a room, where a disheveled man was tied up and gagged. Raph's eyes widened when he saw Father standing there as well, a cruel grin on his face.

"Well Yoshi, it seems that your family has forgotten you." he sneered, Raph stared, shivering at the cruel sound of his voice, even through video. "And you will never see Shen again." Hamato Yoshi just glared at him, brown eyes dark and angry. Father laughed, then slapped the man across the face, Raphael flinched so severely he knocked a can of pencils off the desk. What the heck was father doing? Had he kidnapped Yoshi just to get his family or something? "Though, you may be seeing your sons if I can think up an accident for them as well," Father added, standing back straight. Raph stared with wide eyes, heart thumping wildly. He felt sick. Did that mean….Father was going to… Oh no… Raph put a hand over his eyes, swaying on his feet. He felt dizzy. This was really bad. Raph could keep Yoshi a secret, he could do that to keep himself safe. But the guys? He couldn't just not do something about this! The boy grimaced, thinking.

"Ugh, what would he do…?" he whispered, thinking back to his book. Then he sighed, dropping his hand. He knew exactly what he should do, but he was scared. If he told, Father might be taken away, and Raph might even get in trouble! Not to mention the only people who seemed to like him in this world would hate him and go back to their old lives, living with their own father and not caring that a boy named Raphael lived alone with his. Raph opened his eyes, staring at the screen again. He had to do something… Raph glanced around the desk, eyes falling on a handwritten letter. He picked it up, struggling to read what it said. Once he understood, however, Raphael's eyes widened. This was all the proof he needed that Hamato Yoshi was alive and being held hostage somewhere by Father. With a quick glance to the door, Raph folded it up and shoved the paper deep into the pocket of his sweatshirt, then quickly left the room, feeling nauseous again. What he didn't see was the small black security camera in a corner of the room, red light blinking.

* * *

"Haha, bet you didn't see that coming!" Mikey laughed, hitting buttons on his controller rapidly. Raph was watching the game from his seat on the floor, he hadn't felt up to embarrassing himself at the moment, and he still felt slightly ill. He had hidden the paper under a pried up floorboard under his box in the closet of his room. Hopefully, though, Father didn't notice it was gone or at least didn't think Raph had anything to do with it. That was pushing his small lucky limits, but what else could he do? He heard the car pull up in the driveway and glanced at the clock. Five PM exactly. He tried not to show his anxiousness as Father walked in, said hello briefly before walking up the stairs. After a few minutes, Raph felt himself relax, watching as Michelangelo decimated his brothers in the video game. And then…

"Raphael." Raph froze, then slowly turned his head, eyes lowered. "May I speak to you for a moment?" Raph took a deep breath and nodded, getting to his feet. Father was probably just going to tell him something about the agreement, or something with Shen. Raph kept telling himself that Father couldn't possibly know about the paper, couldn't possibly know what Raphael had found out. Raph walked out of the den and closed the door behind him, slowly raising his head to look at Father, who was glaring at him with narrowed eyes. Raphael shuddered. Father grabbed his arm tightly and pulled him to the stairs, forcing him to follow him upstairs.

"F-father…?" Raph whimpered grimacing in pain. Father ignored him and they reached the top of the stairs, the man pulled him to his room and threw him in, then closed the door. "What is it?"

"Where's the paper, Raphael?" Father asked, voice low and dangerous. Raphael felt a thrill of fear. Crap. Mega crap.

"Uh…"

"What have you done?" Father snarled, grabbing Raph by the shoulders and shaking him. Raph winced, feeling himself retreat inside his shell. Then he froze, staring at his father. He was going to get hurt again, he knew it. But then again… a new small voice in Raphael's head thought, what was something Father didn't want people to know about?

"You have him," Raph said, voice trembling. "You have Hamato Yoshi." Father stared at him, eyes wide and furious, then he slapped Raph across the face, Raphael stumbled, touching his cheek gingerly. But he looked at Father again, the same new voice taking control and overpowering his fear. "You're going to hurt the guys, aren't you."

"Silence!" Father spat, grabbing Raphael's wrists, Raph glared at him.

"If you hurt me, I'll tell," he said softly, and Father's eyes widened in horror and he released Raph, but remained scarily close.

"Raphael," he said, voice tightly controlled but thick with anger. "Where is the paper." Raph narrowed his eyes as well, glancing at the book on his bed, then lifted his chin defiantly.

"I won't tell you."

* * *

 _ **There's the old Raphael spark we love! Gonna get him in some pretty big trouble though! Love cliffhangers! anyway... hope you enjoyed that. Things are gonna pick up reaaaaal soon. Like next chapter. :D Thanks for reading and please review!**_

 _ **Until Tuesday,**_

 _ **-Jelly**_


	9. My Life Sucks

_**Hey guys! You will not believe the weekend I've had. Urgh. Basically, my one-year-old brother had an abscess in his neck and had to get surgery for it, and so he's up at the hospital with my dad and things are craptacular down here. It's nice to get away from it all and post this, though. This is one of my favorite chapters, and I think a lot of you will be surprised.**_

 _ **To Skye7Diamond: oooh, I'm excited to see what your theory was and if it was right or not! You seem to have a good intuition about this, so we'll see!**_

 _ **To Flora Of The Elementals: oh, there's a lot worse than death. Mwahahahha.**_

 _ **To AkimiiTheWriter: lol if only.**_

 _ **To StoryAdict: hey, it's totally cool. I'm glad you're still reading and I'm glad you love it! Don't get too attached to that new side of Raph, though…. *evil laughter***_

 _ **To Shaymandy: yeah, Saki's not very happy lol. Again, don't get TOO attached. He'll be back, but he's in for a bumpy ride!**_

 _ **Warnings: Abuse, mentions of abuse, violence, alcohol, mentions of kidnapping, kidnapping, all the good stuff.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT**_

 _ **And now, the chapter!**_

* * *

" _Pack your things Raphael we are leaving! You will stay here until I return to get you or you will regret the day you were born!"_

 **Dear Donnie**

 **I no I am not a good riter.**

 _Raphael pulled up the floorboard and yanked out the paper, staring at the wrinkled page._

 **But this is importnt. Yor Dad is alive.**

 _He grabbed a stained piece from his old backpack and located a dull pencil._

 **Fathr has him. My fathr. He hurts me. Were leeving, coz he nos I no.**

 _Raphael shuddered, folding the two pieces together and peeking out the door._

 **He woz going to hurt U and yor brothrs. I don't no Y.**

 _The boy crept to Donatello's room and placed the papers on his bed, then hurried to his own room and grabbed the backpack upending it on the floor to empty it._

 **The not with this says were yor Dad is. I didnt no untel today.**

 _He grabbed the few possessions he had, including the book Donatello had given him and stuffed them inside._

 **He iz taking me away now. Coz he dosnt want me to tell.**

" _Raphael." Father stood in the doorway and Raph looked over, hands shaking. "Throw your things out the window, we are leaving."_

 **I will not see you ever agan. I will miss you.**

 _Raphael hurried to obey, still shocked at what he had done._

 **As soon as we are far away, he will hurt me again. Maybe kill me.**

 _After the bags were outside, Father gripped Raphael's shoulder tightly and they left the room, closing the door behind them. Raph cast a glance toward Donatello's bedroom, taking deep breaths._

 **He killd my Mom. wen he got encatched to yor Mom he sayd he wold stop hurting me.**

 _They walked calmly past the closed den and the empty kitchen, out to the car._

 **But then I fond wat he was gonna do to You.**

" _Get in." Father snarled, shoving Raphael into the car and closing the door. Then he walked to where the bags were lying and grabbed them, turning back._

 **Im scard. But U find yor dad. U will be OK.**

 _Father threw the bags into the back seat of his car and got in, turning on the engine. Raph hugged himself miserably in the passenger seat, shaking in fear._

 **Tel Mike and Leo I will mice them.**

 _He pulled out of the driveway, then down the street. The house soon vanished from sight as they drove toward the city._

 **-Raphael**

* * *

Donatello stood with shaking hands, reading the untidy note over and over again. What was this? A prank from Mikey? No, Mikey could never do something like this. Donnie dropped the note and ran out of his room to Raphael's slamming the door open. It was deserted. Old school supplies were scattered around and no clothes were there, neither was the book Donnie had lent him. His heart thumping wildly, Donnie ran back to his room and grabbed the two pieces of paper.

"MOM!" He yelled, almost screamed as he ran down the stairs. "MOM!"

"Don?"

"Donnie?" his brothers looked out of the den in confusion, but Donnie passed them to the bedroom where Mom was reading a book.

"Donatello, what is it?" she asked, looking up in surprise. Donnie felt tears welling up in his eyes and leaving over, flooding down his face. He shoved the papers into her hands and started pacing, gripping his hair in distress. Saki was abusive to Raph. All of Raphael's injuries, the skin condition Donnie had never heard of, the changes in Raph after they moved in. All of it! They could have noticed, they should have noticed. And Dad… he was alive according to Raph.

"Donnie?" Leo appeared at the door. "Mom, what is it?"

"Leonardo…" Mom breathed, eyes wide in horror. "Call the police right now."

"What?" Leo asked in shock.

"Do it!" Donnie snapped, glaring at him with a tear streaked face. Leo stared at him, then turned and ran to the phone.

"Donatello, where is Raphael?"

"He's gone," Donnie said mournfully. "They're both gone, Mom. they left. I don't know where they went or what happened and Raph…." Mom got up and wrapped him in a hug, Donnie shook with sobs in her embrace, burying his face in her shoulder. "I don't understand."

"Shh." Mom soothed sadly, running her hand over his head. "Raphael is obviously strong and brave. It took a lot of courage for him to do what he did."

"He- he-" Donnie shuddered. "He must've known...known that his dad wouldn't b-be happy…"

"He was worried for you, my son." Mom said, sounding on the verge of tears herself. "And he did what he thought was right. We will get Raphael back, I promise."

"Mom what am I supposed to tell them?" Leo called, Mom released Donnie and grabbed the papers, walking out. Donnie stood in the middle of the bedroom, still in shock, then followed.

"Donnie, what's wrong?" Mikey grabbed his arm with wide terrified eyes. "What happened? Why are Leo and Mom calling the police? Donnie? Donnie!" Donatello wrapped his baby brother in a hug and shuddered with sobs, thinking of Dad. Their father was alive. What more, they knew where he was. All thanks to Raph. The secluded angsty kid he thought he had nothing in common with. If only Donnie had seen the signs this could have been prevented!

"Mom?" Leo grabbed Raph's note from her hand as Mom spoke to the police. Donnie saw him go pale and start to shake as well. "Wh-what…?"

"What is it?" Mikey asked, scowling. "Leo let me see!" Leo let go of the paper limply, hands dropping to is sides. Mikey stared at the paper, deciphering the childlike writing in a heartbeat. His own eyes widened and he dropped the paper, staring like it was a bomb. "Mommy…"

"They are sending people to where Yoshi is." Mom said softly, leaning against the wall. "And someone here."

"B-but…" Mikey slumped against Donnie, tears running down his face. "What about Raph? Where is he taking Raph?"

"We do not know." Mom said softly, shoulders shaking as they had three years ago at Dad's memorial. "He is gone, Michelangelo."

"But…"

"We will find him," Mom whispered, closing her eyes against tears. "Do not worry my sons, Raphael will be safe."

* * *

Raphael grimaced in pain, holding back a yelp. He glared at Father, who stood over him with a face red from alcohol and anger.

"I told them." he hissed through the pain, "I told Donnie."

"You insolent child!" Father screamed, grabbing Raph and shoving him against the wall. Raph winced. "Do you understand what you've done? You have ruined me!" Raph just glared at him, wincing in pain again. "You have ruined everything!"

"Whoops," Raph growled, Father threw him onto the cement floor of the warehouse they were in, Raph gasped in pain, picking himself up. Father grabbed his arm, fingers like nails stabbing into the already bruised flesh. Raph grimaced but refused to make a noise of pain. Father dug his fingers into it harder, but Raphael still kept himself silent.

"You will regret ever living." Father hissed, pulling Raph up near his face. "You will wish to never breathe, never live again. But you will, in pain." Raph growled, forcing his knee up into Father's stomach. Father released him in shock and Raph scrambled away. He had to get out of here. Now that Donnie and his brothers were safe, Raph had to get out.

"Going somewhere?" someone grabbed Raph's wrists and picked him up so his short height did not reach the ground. "Saki, is he yours?" Father must have nodded because the man carried Raph back over without a word being spoken and dropped him at Father's feet. "Is it a bad time, Saki?"

"Yes," Father growled. "What do you want Takeshi?"

"SWATT appeared at Yoshi's holding base, we had no choice but to evacuate and leave him." the man growled in annoyance. "How did they find out he was alive?" Father swung, glaring murder at Raph, who looked back in horrified fear.

"You." he hissed, grabbing Raph by his neck and hauling him to his feet. "You little rat!" Raph struggled against him, but Father had always been stronger. "You are nothing!" he spat, "nothing! You may think you are a good person by doing this, but you will regret it! You are worthless to me." he dropped Raph again, and Raph gasped for air, closing his eyes momentarily.

"What are we to do Saki?" Takeshi asked.

"We move," Father growled. "Get out of the city. This may have failed but we have other places to go." he kicked Raph in the ribs and Raph yelped before controlling himself, biting his tongue harder. "Take him out of my sight, Takeshi. But he comes with us. We will have further use for the little cockroach." Raph shivered, pulling away as the large Takeshi grabbed his bruised forearms, gripping tightly. This was bad, really really really really lots of really's, bad. The man pulled him away and Raph glared back at Saki as he went out of sight. Then his hands and legs were bound and tape plastered over his mouth, Takeshi threw Raph into a large metal cage with a grin.

"Lucky we saved this from the animal smuggling," he said, smirking as he spat on Raphael's face. Raph glared at him, trying to maneuver into a sitting position as Takeshi left, closing a door and leaving him in darkness. Raph sighed, leaning his head against the rusted bars of the cage. This was no good, but at least Hamato Yoshi had been rescued. The boy shivered slightly, pulling his knees near his chest and leaning against the bars of his cage. What would Father want him for once they got out of the city?

* * *

Raphael shivered, leaning his head on his knees. He'd seen Father mad. Heck, he'd seen the man absolutely furious. But nothing compared to what he'd made his father into by helping the Hamatos. Every inch of him hurt, and Father had taken his sweatshirt, socks, and shoes away before stowing him in the giant refrigerator room that was in their hideout almost as soon as they arrived. If the lack of circulation hadn't been enough to make his hands and feet numb, the cold certainly did. As he sat there, he was only thinking one thing. Why? Why had he been born into this family, why did Father hurt him all the time since he was a kid, why did Father want to marry Shen so much he kidnapped her husband, why had Raph been such an idiot and tried to be the hero? He'd just landed himself in a whole new pot of trouble and he wasn't going to be able to get out. Not to mention he was hungry as heck.

As if on cue, his bellow growled a loud complaint, Raphael grimaced and glanced at the large locked door. He was cold, hungry, and hurt everywhere. If the door opened, he might get to warm up and eat food, but he'd also get very hurt. If not, he'd most likely either freeze or starve to death, but not get beat up again. Raph couldn't decide which one he wanted more. Not that it mattered, because a few moments later the door swung open and someone stepped inside. Raph grimaced. Takeshi.

"Hello little roach," he growled, squatting down in front of him. Raph glared angrily at him, wishing the tape was gone so he could utter a few choice words to one of the people making his life a living heck. Takeshi laughed, grabbing Raphael's arm and dragging him out of the refrigerator, then dumped him on the floor roughly. Raph sighed in relief. The un-air conditioned rest of the warehouse was a stark contrast to the cold he'd been enduring for who knows how long.

"Raphael." Raph tensed, looking over at Father. "You seem hungry, my son." Raph narrowed his eyes, a shiver running down his spine. Father walked over and whipped out a knife, and he flinched. But the man just cut the tape from around Raph's hands, then peeled it off his mouth. "Why don't you have something to eat." he grabbed Raph's hand and placed into it a small pack of….trail mix. Raph looked at it for a moment, mouthwatering. Father watched him expectantly and Takeshi snarled under his breath.

"Well, you insolent bug?" he taunted, "your father has gotten you something to eat!" Raph swallowed, then ripped open the bag gently, pulling out a raisin. It probably had nut dust all over it, but if he was any kind of smart Raph figured it wouldn't be as bad as eating an actual nut.

"Raphael." Raph lifted his gaze, chewing on the raising. "All of it." Father reached over, dumping a handful of the mix into Raph's palm. Raph stared at it for a moment, then looked directly into Father's eyes and placed the handful in his mouth, chewing rapidly out of hunger.

The effects only took a few moments, just like at the restaurant. Raphael doubled up in pain, grabbing onto his stomach as it heaved, trying to vomit something that wasn't there. Father stood over him unsympathetically as he whimpered, feeling light-headed. He heaved again, managing to spit out a wad of mucus, and Father looked at him in disgust.

"You are one of the most revolting things I have ever seen." he hissed, kicking Raphael in his aching stomach, Raph groaned. Father then rolled Raph onto his side with his shoe, the toe roughly jabbing into his ribcage. Raphael felt something wet against his face, and realized Father had rolled him into the single pool of vomit he'd thrown up a few minutes earlier, half-chewed nuts and raisins mixed with stomach acid smashed against his face. Raph whimpered, trying to push Father's boot off of him so he could move, but Father just pressed is toe harder into Raph's ribs.

"I'm sorry…" Raph whined, trying not to move his head too much in the vile liquid. "please...I'm sorry…"

"Then eat it." Father hissed, Raph froze, unsure of what that meant. "I got you something to eat, so eat it." Raphael's stomach twisted as the smell hit his nostrils again and Father removed his boot. Raphael remained still, shaking in fear. "Did you hear me?"

"Please…" Raph whimpered, tears filling his eyes. "Father, I-"

"Silence!" Father kicked Raph's stomach again and he groaned, grabbing it in pain. "Do not speak to me, Raphael." a pause, footsteps. "Takeshi. I have business to take care of. Please keep an eye on this disgusting little creature for me."

"Of course," Takeshi said. Raph heard father walk away and whimpered again, squinting through his tears at the mess in front of and around him. He just wanted to be as far away from here as possible, but apparently, that was too much to ask.

* * *

 _ **Dun Dun Dun…. DON'T HATE ME! Just wait, alright? Things will work out… maybe…. XD. No spoilers from me! Hate comments, love comments, random comments, just go ahead and stick a review on there! Thanks for reading!**_

 _ **Until Friday,**_

 _ **-Jelly**_


	10. Alive Or Not

_**Hoooo boy…. Okay. First things first, I done a not good and got this all ready to post on Friday and then…. Didn't. I forgot? I thought I did? I'm REALLY SORRY? Second, thanks so much to you guys for sending reviews and stuff! It really helps when I'm having a rough day to go into my inbox and read them! You guys are so cool! Second things second, I gotta say things get really intense here. There are hints of a type of abuse there hasn't been yet, but nothing explicit. There'll be more in the warnings. Also, we get some of Yoshi in this chapter! Oooh, what's gonna happen…?!hehe.**_

 _ **To Skye7Diamond: poor Raph indeed - you don't even know the half of it yet. MWAHAHAHA! I'm really curious! I wanna know this theory so bad! XD I guess I keep you in suspense as well so I deserve this.**_

 _ **To AkimiiTheWriter: Oof, that's graphic. Does it help if I tell you there's a happy ending? Lol probably doesn't. You'll hate him more after this one! XD**_

 _ **To Shaymandy: ah, don't worry. There'll be bonding, just more traumatized than before. XDXD. Sorry, it went a little fast, but how long did you want Yoshi to wait? Three years was a long time…**_

 _ **To StoryAdict: YAY! Thanks so much! I love your face! (even though I've never seen it, I still love it!) And I do, really, enjoy writing all this whump. XDXD**_

 _ **WARNINGS!:**_ _ **Physical violence, gangs, mentions of kidnapping, and !Xmentions of sexual abuseX! Please please please be careful I want you all to be safe!**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT or the characters!**_

* * *

Raphael sat against the wall arms folded over his knees, head rested on them tiredly. It felt like an eternity since they'd come here, he had no clue how long it had been since they left the house. Since he screwed everything up. The boy took a few deep breaths, trying to think. Which was hard when he had never been good at thinking and was now in a situation that required a lot of it. Not to mention that he was being watched constantly. He shivered, trying to block out the memories from the past few days. Raphael closed his eyes, trying to pretend that he was still at home, even before Father got engaged. When everything was just normal. No evil plans, no nosy soon to be step-brothers, nothing. Just him and Father, lying and hiding and living in that house. It didn't work. Raphael felt the shadow of hands on him and whimpered, curling into a smaller ball. He just wanted to be okay, was that so hard? Apparently yes. Raphael had never been okay.

The door opened and Raph flinched, pulling himself smaller. Footsteps approached him and Raph took a deep breath before daring to lift his head and look at who it was. He was slightly relieved that it was Father, but also not.

"Get up." father snarled, grabbing his arm and hauling him upward. Raph glared at him, tugging weakly. "Stop that you insolent child!" he hissed, grabbing Raph's other arm and forcing him to look Father in the eye.

"What do you want?" Raph muttered. Father didn't reply, just dragged Raphael out of the room, Raph looked around warily, a bunch of the leaders of whatever the heck gang this was was standing around, obviously waiting.

"Will he do?" Father snapped, shoving Raph to face them. Raph stood frozen for a moment, then tried to make a break for it, only for one of them to grab him and hold their arm around his throat, keeping him there.

"Let go!" Raph snarled, grabbing their arm. The man narrowed his eyes, tightening his hold on Raph's throat and forcing him to stop, mostly because he couldn't breathe.

"Will he listen?" another man stepped forward, regarding Raph coldly. Raph glared at him. Father folded his arms, eyes narrowed at Raph, who shivered.

"If you make him," he said, Raphael felt a sense of dread creep into is gut. What was going on? Raph grit his teeth, then forced his head back into the nose of whoever was holding him. When they released him in surprise, Raph kicked them where the sun doesn't shine and took off, searching for an exit. "Raphael!" Father snapped, and Raph felt himself freeze for just a moment before dropping and scrambling between one of the men's legs, for once grateful he was so small.

"Get away from me!" he yelled, headbutting someone when he stood, Raph's eyes found a door and he started to run, heart pounding.

"Raphael!" Father yelled, obviously furious. Raph swallowed and then yelped, tripping over his own feet. No! He'd been so close! The man who had been talking to Father reached him and slammed a knee down on Raph's back, making him cry out in pain.

"Get off me!" he howled, "leave me alone!" but the man ignored him, grabbing both of Raphael's wrists and pulling them behind him, Raphael grimaced.

"Yes I can see you have him under control," he said dryly, hauling Raphael up. Raph struggled, but this man was much stronger than the last one. Father looked furious and stalked over, fists clenched. Before Raph could even try to react, the man had driven a fist into his jaw, making dots appear in his vision. Pain wracked through his jaw and head, Raph grimaced and clamped his eyes shut. "We can use him, Saki. don't lose your temper now…" the man chuckled, adjusting his grip on Raph's arms. Raph shivered. "I'm sure we can break him into following orders. You'd be welcome to help in that." Raph cracked his eyes open warily, looking at Father, who was still obviously furious.

"Good," he growled, glaring murder at Raph, who felt himself shrink inside. If only he could run faster. If only he'd been able to reach the door. He just wanted to be away from all of these people, especially father and the man holding him now.

"But for now…" the man said, turning Raphael around to face him. Raph glared at him despite his fear. "We will keep him with us."

"Very well," Father growled, he turned and stalked away, a few of the men followed. The man holding Raph smiled, making shivers run down his spine. As the man dragged him into another room, Raphael was beginning to wonder if going with Father would have been better.

* * *

Raphael sat huddled in a small ball, smashing himself further into the corner of the cinderblock room. He had his eyes clamped shut, trying to forget everything. He was home, or he was with the Hamatos, or he was dead. He didn't really care, as long as he wasn't here and the past few hours hadn't happened. He whimpered slightly, pulling his legs closer together and to his chest. He just wanted to be okay, why couldn't he just be okay? His hands were still tied to the wall behind his back, which made it harder to curl up, but he did it anyway. People had entered the storage room several times since the man left, but no one had come near or spoken to Raphael. Not that he wanted them to. But that didn't stop him from cringing when the door opened again, and heavy footfalls echoed toward him.

"Raphael." Raph didn't open his eyes. He didn't want to talk to Father, or look at Father. He didn't want to be near Father. "Raphael!" the man grabbed his jaw and forced Raph's face upward, Raph instinctively opened his eyes, looking at his father pleadingly. Father smirked at his patheticness, and Raphael felt humiliated. Why did he have to care so much about the Hamatos? Everything would be easier if he just kept his nose out of Father's business! "I heard you had a busy day." Raph whimpered through the tape on his mouth, kicking one of his feet into Father's chest. Father released him and stepped back, eyes narrowed. "But you are still ignorant and impulsive." he hissed. "You will regret what you did, Raphael. You will regret it until the day you die." then he left. Raph hung his head, shoulders shaking. He already regretted what he did, he regretted everything he'd ever done. But he still didn't want Father to be able to control him. The only problem was that he might not have a choice. The door opened again and the man walked in, Raph's eyes widened and he felt like throwing up. The man chuckled, crouching in front of him and pulling out a knife.

"Don't look so worried, little cockroach." he said, forcing Raph's shoulder out of the way so he could cut the ropes. "Your father just thinks we should move the base. And he is probably right." Raph narrowed his eyes as the man hauled him up, forcing him to walk out of the storage room.

"Hun." Father looked at the man and Raph looked at the floor. "Take him ahead, there is a small problem I must take care of first." Raph glanced around, noticing that one of the younger men who was working with them was being held by two larger stronger ones, he had a black eye and a busted lip. He must have done something to make Father angry.

"Very well." Hun said cheerfully, pulling Raph toward a van. "Come, Roach. It would be best if you didn't try to get away." Raph nodded, letting himself be forced inside where his hands were tied to the armrest of a seat inside. The tinted windows would keep anyone from seeing him. He was hungry, but Raph knew that if he ate anything, even if it wasn't nuts, it wouldn't stay down for long. A few of the other men got in and then the van started, pulling out of the building. It was daytime outside. Raphael looked at the window longingly, wishing he could just run and never look back. But he couldn't. Raphael pulled his legs up to his chest again, not looking at any of the men. Instead, he just stared at the tinted window, wishing he could be outside.

* * *

They were all sitting around the bed, not speaking, and it felt like everyone was holding their breath. Leonardo sat with his feet propped up on his chair, arms wrapped around them while they waited for Dad to wake up. Mikey was sitting on the window bench with mom, and wrapped around hers and head on her shoulder. Donnie was standing, right at the end of the bed, eyes trained directly on their fathers face. He'd been stable for nearly a week after being discovered, severely malnourished and injured. Leo felt dread sink into his stomach as he thought of why they'd even found out he was alive… Raph. No one had heard or seen anything about the red headed boy, and Leo worried about him. But they had their father back, and that was only a bit more important in his mind, Leo tried not to feel guilty when he realised this, and instead focused harder on watching his father breathe. In, out. Over and over, a steady rhythm.

"Please wake up…" Leo whispered softly, resting is chin on his knees. "Please Dad." and then it happened. Dad's eyelids flickered, then slid open, and his hand traveled up to a bandage around his head.

"Daddy!" Mikey gasped, sitting upright. He and Mom were both instantly by Dad's side, mom clutching his hand with watery eyes.

"Michelangelo…?" Dad asked, astonished. "Shen."

"Shh, it is alright Yoshi." Mom gently brushed a hand over his grown out hair. "You will be alright."

"Dad we were so worried about you." Donnie said, moving around the end to stand on the other side of him. "We thought we might never talk to you again."

"Donatello…" Dad said, eyes welling up with tears, then he looked around and Leo stood, standing next to his twin.

"We're all here, Dad." he said, smiling brokenly. "We got you back."

"How did you find me?" Dad asked, wincing as he sat up. Mom put a hand on his shoulder, obviously wanting him to lay down. Dad reached up and patted it. They all looked at each other.

"That…" Donnie hung his head. "That was Raph. Raphael…." Dad frowned, confused. Leo cleared his throat.

"Raphael Oroku." he clarified. "Saki's son."

"He had a son…?" Dad asked, rubbing his forehead. "Where is this boy now? I must thank him."

"That's the problem…" Donnie said softly, Leo wrapped an arm around his twin's shoulders as they began to shake. "S-Saki… um…" he blinked away tears. "Saki isn't… isn't a great Dad to have… he hurts Raph."

"Where is he?" Dad asked, more alarmed now. Donnie closed his eyes, Leo wrapped him in his arms, letting Donnie break down on his shoulder. "Leonardo?"

"Saki found out Raph knew." he said, "and he took Raph. We… they haven't found them yet." Dad stared at him, obviously horrified, then moved like he was going to get up.

"Yoshi!" Mom chastised, pushing him back down. "You are not well!"

"Shen…" Dad said, looking up at her. "Saki must be stopped, this boy must be-" the doctor walked in, that fake grin plastered on his face.

"Hamato Yoshi." he said, "you have regained consciousness, But getting out of bed would be unwise at the moment…" he added, seeing that Mom was holding him down.

"When may I get up?" Dad asked, eyes bright with anger. "I must find the boy." the doctor knew exactly what he meant, because he'd been filled in to the whole story by a hyperactive, worried, Michelangelo.

"Based on your vitals," he said, glancing at his paper. "You will receive a check up soon and then once you feel you are ready you may stand up. But we will be keeping you at least another day." Dad scowled, obviously not happy about that, but lay back against his pillows. The doctor smiled, scribbled something down, and walked out.

"Very well." he said, "Shen have you heard anything?" She shook her head, wiping tears away.

"Yoshi you must get well." she said gently. "The police will find Raphael." Dad looked doubtful, but took a deep breath and nodded. Leo knew what he was thinking. That the police hadn't found him in three years, how could they trust them to find Raph before something horrible happened?  
"Where have you been staying since I left?" Dad asked, staring at the ceiling.

"We had an apartment." Mikey spoke after a moment of silence, everyone else was too emotional. "And… then about a week and a half ago, Mommy decided… uh…" he gripped dad's hand tightly. "Th-that she should get married again. Um, no one knew about Saki, what he did to Raph… um…" Mom bowed her head, covering her mouth. "We… we got evicted from the apartment, so we moved in with them. It was only like a day before Raph told us about you, and then they were gone." Dad didn't answer, and Mikey just lay his head on the bed next to him.

"I am so sorry Yoshi." Mom said, wiping tears away.

"Shen, do not cry." Dad said gently, reaching up and caressing her face. "It is alright. If I truly were gone, I would want my sons to have a father figure. You could not have known." then he fell silent, taking Moms hand and looking around at all of them again, eyes full of love. After a moment, someone knocked on the door and it opened moments later. They all turned, and Leo's eyes widened when he saw the detective who was working on finding Raph.

"Mr. Hamato, you are awake." the man said, walking over. He looked terrible, obviously hadn't slept much.

"Did you find anything yet?" Donnie demanded, looking up from Leo's shoulder. Leo had nearly forgotten he was still embracing his brother, but didn't release him yet. The detective sighed, putting a hand over his eyes.

"A man in a local gang, the Purple Dragons, came forward." he said softly, "he said he knew where Saki and Raphael were, and that the boy was in bad condition. But when we went there today, it was deserted. And the man who had reported it was dead." Leo felt his spirits plummet. "We have found DNA evidence, they were there for a few days at least."

"Where is he now?" Mikey asked, blue eyes wide.

"We are searching for him." the detective promised. "The building across the alley from it had security cameras which we are now searching, and we are have every officer in the nearest three states on the lookout for the vans the man described to us."

"Do you think you'll find him?" Dad asked, eyes sharp again. The detective ran a hand through his hair, combing it back.

"I don't know, Mr. Hamato. You must want to help this boy, who without, you would have not been found. But I just don't know."

"I understand." Dad said softly, closing his eyes for a moment. "Thank you for what you are doing." the detective inclined his head, glancing around at all of them.

"I came by because I knew you would want to know." he said softly, "but I need to get back to the office."

"Of course." Mom said. "Please try your best."

"I will." the man said, smiling weakly. "We'll find him, Mrs. Hamato. Whatever state he's in, alive or not, we will find Raphael."

"Thank you." with that, the detective left and a nurse came in, probably to do Dad's checkup. But Leo was staring at the door, feeling like his very bones were rattled.

 _Alive or not._ He thought in terror. They might find Raphael, but they might not be able to thank him.

* * *

Raphael took a deep breath, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the closed door, listening intently. Why? Because he had nothing better to do. That and the fact that Father had wanted to speak to Hun and Takeshi immediately, taking the two men away from their little 'game'. Raph shuddered at the thought, trying to block out the memories. To do this, he listened.

"The betrayal worries me, Saki." Takeshi was saying. "If one man will turn, who else might?"

"After the display? Only stupid ones." Hun scoffed, Raph grimaced at the sound of his voice.

"I should have known." Father growled angrily. "I should have known that self-righteous Hamato would want to find him!" Raph scowled. What were they talking about?

"The boy is traumatized." Takeshi snarled, "do they really want a traumatized child in their care?" Raph blinked. Were they talking about...him?

"Traumatized, yes." Hun said. "But also very entertaining…"

"I am not here for your enjoyment!" Father snapped, Raph cringed. "What I am here for is to ask how we are to keep them away!"

"It has worked so far." Hun said dismissively. "And we have not even broken the boy completely yet, he still carries defiance in his eyes." this made Raphael a little happier, but only on a miniscule scale. So he wasn't completely broken yet… that was probably good. Wait, who were they trying to keep away?

"The little brat is the reason Hamato Yoshi is not dead." Father growled. "I want you to break him so he will not recognise his own reflection."

"We are working on it." Takeshi snarled, Raphael shuddered, hugging himself. He wanted to know what they were talking about, who was looking for him? Then his eyes widened. It couldn't be, could it?

"And what would Yoshi even do with the child, Saki?" Hun asked, confirming what Raph was thinking. "He will never be like a regular child." but Raphael didn't hear the rest, his head was spinning. They wanted him. The Hamato's were looking for him, and that meant Raphael had to find a way out.

* * *

 _ **Lol did I tell you not to get too attached? Almost forgot how freaking brave Raph gets in these chapters lol. Brave, reckless, gryffindor all the way. Lol. Though, this isn't a laughing matter. The mentions of sexual abuse are very minor here, but for the rest of the story there's mentions of it and there's flashbacks. None are very explicit but I just really want you guys to be safe and happy reading my story - even if it's not a happy story. Thanks for reading and please review!**_

 _ **Until Friday,**_

 _ **-Jelly**_


	11. One Week Later

_**BA DA Da DUm DA DA! I'm actually posting on TIME? Lol. anyways, yeah. This chapter is, if you checked out the title, set one week after the end of the last one. This one is….really intense. But don't worry, this is the halfway point of the story! Lol, cool we've reached that point lol.**_

 _ **To Skye7Diamond: lol, You're right. I don't think you'll be too disappointed, either. And don't worry, I'll take care of the bad guys. ;)**_

 _ **To StoryAdict: w-uh-I….. Thank you? Omgosh, you always make me so happy? IDK why you're so nice to me! Really needed this today lol, I'm glad you like the story.**_

 _ **To Raigon: You'll find out eventually.**_

 _ **To AkimiiTheWriter: ikr? I'm the one that wrote them there but I feel the same way XD**_

 _ **To SpiritFighter208: Saved? Sure, you could say that. ;)**_

 _ **To Raphfangirl2708: w-well, thank you! Idk what to say to your other statement other than… he's a guy? In this story at least, Raph's a guy. Sorry, I guess? Thank you again!**_

 _ **To Shaymandy: well, I watch way too many 'Forensic Files' to be healthy so that makes sense XD. lol, curse me all you like friendo. I can take it lol.**_

 _ **WARNINGS: Mentions of sexual abuse, hospitals, mentions of physical abuse and violence, mentions of starvation, PTSD**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT**_

 _ **And now, the chapter!**_

* * *

Raphael lifted his head wearily, counting Hun's footsteps as he walked away after their most recent game. It had been getting worse and worse since Raph 'overheard' the conversation between him and Father. He had been waiting until the best moment, waiting until he knew exactly what would happen. And now, he did. The boy grimaced, digging with his bruised fingers into the mortar around a loose brick, it soon came out in his hand and he held the edge awkwardly against the ropes on his hands, hoping beyond hope that the rough brick was sharp enough. After what felt like an eternity, it was.

The ropes fell off his hands and Raph pulled them in front of him, massaging his wrists before standing. He took a deep breath, pulling on the shirt Hun had left on the floor of the room. Then he crept silently to the wall, eyes narrowed as he looked at all the panels of plywood put there so he didn't know where the window was. After tapping each one for a moment, Raph grinned and wedged his fingertips under the edge, grimacing as splinters stuck into his fingers, but slowly and quietly pulled it. It pried off surprisingly fast, especially for it being in the one room they didn't want it to be. Raph gently lowered the plywood down, then took a deep breath and summoned the last of his reckless abandon to shove himself through the slats on the other side of the window, tumbling to the ground in an alley. Moonlight shone down into the alley and Raph gasped, taking deep breaths of cold air. He was out.

"Thank you," Raph whispered, even though he had gotten out of his own determination, not anyone else's. The boy grabbed a ladder to the roof of another building, quickly climbing up. The warm metal felt good on his bare feet, and he was soon running as fast as he could on a roof, away from Father. Then he reached the edge. Raph paused, staring, then took a deep breath and backed up before taking a running jump. He was shocked when he landed heavily, steadily on the other roof, but then grinned. "YES!" he shouted into the night, then clapped a hand over his mouth, eyes darting to each side. He had to find someone to help him, who could help him find the Hamatos. Raphael ran across a few more rooftops before he saw a payphone below, and smiled. He didn't know many numbers, but he knew how to call the police. Raph found another ladder and started down, feeling self-conscious. Then he froze halfway down the ladder, a white van with tinted windows raced past, he saw the driver scanning the alleys. It was Takeshi. Thankfully, Raphael was still a story or two above the ground and waited until the van passed before continuing.

"Breath, just breath," Raph whispered as he hurried to the payphone, then stared in dismay at the small slot where a coin should go. "Ah crud." without any real hope, Raph picked up the receiver anyway and hit the nine button once, then the one twice. To his surprise and elation, someone answered. He ducked behind the phone as another car passed, heart pounding.

"Nine one one, what is your emergency?" Raph swallowed, then spoke.

"M-my name is Raphael…" he said softly, "I j-just got away from my dad and a gang… I need help…" there was a pause.

"Raphael Oroku." the person clarified.

"Yes." Raph breathed, eyes wide. "They're looking for me, please… please, can someone help me?"

"Do you know where you are?" the person asked urgently. Raph bit his lip.

"Uh… not really…" he admitted. "I didn't think that far ahead, I just… I just wanted to get away and then I found this payphone and-"

"Officers are on their way." the person said. "Sit tight. Do you want me to stay on the phone with you?" Raph blinked, then shrugged.

"Sure."

"Can you tell me anything about the people you escaped from? Other than your father?" Raph grimaced. He didn't really want to think about Hun or Takeshi, but he also really did want them to get sent to jail.

"Um, one was called Hun…" he said, "he had a dragon tattoo on his chest…"

"Alright."

"And another was called Takeshi." he finished, plastering himself against the wall again as another car passed. "Th-they're looking for me… they hate me."

"It will be alright Raphael," they promised gently. "Just hold tight."

"I dunno…" Raph whimpered, feeling utterly exposed in the dark alleyway. "What if they find me? What if they take me again? I don't want them to… they do things to me…"

"Just take deep breaths. The officers are almost there."

"Okay," Raph said, breathing deeply. It didn't help. "Um, do you know if Hamato Yoshi is okay? It was kinda freaky cuz I found out he was alive and then-"

"He has been paying a private detective to search for you. He is alright."

"Oh, okay." Raph felt sick and winced as he heard voices from passerby float past. "Oh man… I think I'm gonna-" he didn't finish the sentence before he jerked away, heaving. There wasn't much in his stomach, but it was gone now.

"Raphael?" the receiver was still dangling and the person on the other end sounded alarmed. "Raphael!"

"Oh geez." Raph groaned, sitting against the wall and grabbing the phone again. "I don't feel so good." sirens met his ears and Raphael flinched, pulling his legs to his chest as lights flooded the alley. "Thanks for talking with me…"

"Raphael, you're going to be okay." the person said as Raphael's head dropped to his knees, vision foggy. "Just hold on."

"Uh huh…" Raph mumbled, voice slurring slightly. He lifted his head wearily, looking at his arm. A small dart had pricked his skin. "Wassat…?" then he looked above and saw Hun standing on the roof above him, face a mask of fury as Police officers rushed over. "Oh man…" Raph let his head drop again and closed his eyes. "Oh man…"

* * *

Leo looked over as Mom's phone rang and she picked it up, hurriedly brushing hair out of her face.

"Hello?" she answered, everyone, looked over from whatever they'd been doing. After Dad got out of the hospital, he'd been working with police officers to find Raph. They had been staying in a hotel because he didn't want them to go back to that house. And Leo didn't want to either. Mom gasped, a hand flying to her mouth.

"Mom?" Donnie walked over, eyes wide in worry. "What is it?"

"They found him," Mom whispered, staring into space. "They found Raphael."

"They found him?" Leo repeated in shock. "Where is he? Is he okay? When can we see him? What-"

"Get in the car." Mom said, grabbing her car keys after hanging up. "We are going to the hospital. Yoshi is with him now." Leo grabbed Mikey's hand and they raced to the car, his heart thumping madly. Raph was okay, he was alive. It almost surprised Leo, because just a few weeks earlier he'd thought very little of Raphael Oroku. But now, everything was different now. Raph was the reason they had Dad back, he had risked his own life just to get them their Dad back. Leo thought much higher of the boy now.

"Do you think Raph is okay?" Mikey asked softly, looking up at Leo as they drove toward the hospital. Leo frowned.

"I… I don't know." he lied. He knew. He knew Raphael was definitely not okay. But he was alive, and he was safe. So that was a start.

"What do you think they did to him?" Mikey asked, obviously terrified.

"I don't know," Leo said again.

"Let's not," Donnie said, looking out the window. Leo nodded, hugging Mikey to his side. Donnie was right, thinking about it might just make the reality worse. Mom pulled into the hospital parking lot and parked haphazardly. They got out and hurried toward the emergency room entrance. They were met by a few of the officers Dad had been working with, who said they were to take them up to see Raph, but only after his examination was complete. That scared Leo because it meant Raphael was hurt. Despite this, they waited anxiously on the bench outside Raphael's room until the same doctor that had treated dad came out, looking upset and slightly disturbed. Mom immediately stood. Leo followed suit. But Mikey and Donnie stayed huddled on the bench because Mikey had started to cry. Leo was a step behind Mom as they walked a bit away.

"What is it like?" she asked, the doctor hesitated. "I was a nurse. You can tell me about this boy, we will be taking care of him after all." the man sighed, looking defeated.

"Raphael was on the brink of starvation when they found him, he won't be feeling well for a while. There are bruises all over… his entire body. And there are signs that he may have been abused sexually."

"What?!" Leo yelped, staring at the doctor, who sighed and lowered his clipboard.

"Raphael should make a full physical recovery," he said softly. "I'm no psychologist, but even I can tell you that he will be traumatized for the rest of his life." Mom nodded, a hand over her mouth and her eyes closed. Leo was still staring as the doctor reported they could go see him, but only two at a time and Dad was already in there. After he left, Leo closed his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath.

"You go." he said to Mom after a moment, she nodded, and was looking at the door like it terrified her. "Dad's in there too Mom."

"Alright." she said softly, walking over and entering gently. Leo went over and sat next to his brothers, still in shock.

"L-Leo…?" Mikey whimpered, clinging to his arm. "W-whats wrong? Is Raph not gonna make it?"

"He'll make it." Leo said softly, hands shaking. "But it was bad, Mikey. Really really bad." Michelangelo seemed to realize the terror Leo was in and let go, Leo covered his face with his hands, taking a few deep breaths that didn't stop him from breaking down. He hardly knew Raph, really. Mikey and Don had been the ones to try and befriend him, Leo had just… not. He'd been too bitter about it, he realized. Bitter that Raph still had his father, and look how great that must have been. Mikey leaned on Leo's shoulder, humming a tune that sounded like a mix between Pop rock and a lullaby. But Leo couldn't stop thinking about it. Raph would be traumatized for his entire life. His entire life had been ruined because of Oroku Saki.

* * *

Raphael grimaced, his head was pounding, and the beeping noises weren't helping. Beeping noises? Where the heck was he? The last thing he remembered was… Hun. He'd been on that rooftop… Raphael felt his entire body tense. Had they gotten him back? No, no they couldn't have. The police had been right there, _right there._ So he must be somewhere else, somewhere safe. After a few minutes of trying to decide if it was worth it, Raphael cracked one eye open, then clamped it shut again. Why was that light so freaking _bright?_ Didn't whoever these people were know he'd been in mostly darkness for a long time?

"Raphael?" The sound of a voice nearby made Raphael flinch, but then he recognised it. It was Shen. "Raphael, it is alright." Raph turned his head, cracking both eyes open this time. He blinked past the brightness and saw her. She'd been crying recently, and was obviously concerned. "Here we are." she said softly, "you are alright."

"Shen…?" Raph whispered, feeling his heart swell. If she was here, he was going to be okay. Then he saw the person next to her, and knew who it was immediately. It was Hamato Yoshi. A lazy smile crossed Raph's face and he closed his eyes again. The guy was okay, and Raph was safe. So why didn't he feel like it? Raphael took a mental tally of all his limbs. Arms, fingers, legs, toes. But nothing felt safe, nothing felt okay.

"Raphael." this voice was definitely Yoshi's. "Thank you." Raph grunted, not feeling like speaking. "You are incredibly strong, young man." Raph sighed, trying to force himself to relax. He knew he wasn't going to get hurt, so why was he still scared? "Would you like to see one of the boys?" that piqued Raphael's interest. He hadn't spoken to someone his age since the day he left, and he opened his eyes again.

"Don…" he mumbled, feeling a twinge of guilt. He'd lost the kid's book, great. Yoshi nodded and stood, walking out. A few minutes later, Donatello walked in. If it was possible to look worse than Shen at that moment, he pulled it off.

"Raph…!" Donnie gasped when he saw Raphael's eyes open. "Oh man, oh man…"

"Hey…" Raph murmured, smiling lazily.

"We were so worried about you!" Donnie whimpered, Raph hummed, looking around the room.

"Lost the book…" he said, looking at Donnie guiltily. "Sorry."

"It's okay." Donnie said gently, "I can get a new one." Raph nodded, then winced as is head pounded.

"Ow…" he grumbled, rolling onto one side to curl his legs toward him. "Headache…"

"Do you want a doctor?" Donnie asked, eyes wide, "Mom do you think we should go get the doctor? Maybe Raph needs-"

"Y'talk too much." Raph grumbled, closing his eyes. Donnie laughed nervously.

"Heh, sorry Raph." he said, "but do you want the doctor? I'm sure he'd want to check on you and stuff." Raphael's eyes suddenly shot open. A doctor? A doctor would check all his injuries, and they'd check other things too.

"No thanks…" he mumbled, avoiding eye contact. Then mumbled softer. "Whadda they know…?" Donnie seemed confused, but Shen gently brushed Raph's bangs away from his eyes.

"It's alright Raphael." she said gently. "It wasn't your fault." Raph just closed his eyes, pulling the hospital blanket up to cover his head.

"Uh…. I'll go get the doctor anyway." Donnie decided aloud, Raph sighed as he heard Donnie walk out. Then someone else walked in and he groaned internally.

"Raph…" Leo knew. Raph could tell by the way he said the word.

"M'tired." he grumbled.

"Oh." Leo said, Raph heard him sit in the chair. "Okay." great. Not only had Raph lied about wanting to sleep, but now Leo was going to watch him sleep, which he didn't want to do. After a few minutes of silence which Raphael greatly appreciated, he heard more footsteps and cringed, mind flashing back to that building. He curled into a tighter ball, tucking the blanket around him.

"Raphael." a man said, Raph cringed and wrapped his arms around his aching head. "Can you please come out and talk to me for a moment?"

"I dunno who you are." Raph grumbled into his knees.

"I'm your doctor." the man said, Raph groaned. "I understand you have a headache, which is probably caused by dehydration."

"Great assumption Doc." Raph grumbled, "can you leave me alone now?" he knew that's why his head hurt. Okay maybe he didn't know for sure, but it made sense considering the amount of liquid he'd been allowed to consume and then not puke out.

"Raph…" Leo said. Raphael sighed, poking his head out of the blanket.

"What."

"Do you want some water?" he asked, holding a paper cup forward. Raph looked at it for a moment, then sighed and pulled an arm out as well, sitting up.

"Thanks," he said grudgingly. Leo smiled sadly as he downed the small amount of water.

"Thank _you,_ Raph," Leo said, Raph looked at him blankly. "You brought our father back to us, thank you."

* * *

 _ **Lol if I wasn't such a bad person, that would be the ending. But there's plenty of craptastic stuff to come! The next half of this is the recovery - but also some more trauma crap. So keep your seatbelts ON and your hands and legs and tongues inside the vehicle at all times. Lol, I'm such a dork, sorry. Anyways, yeah.**_

 _ **I may not be able to post on Tuesday because I'm going to Vegas for a Lacrosse camp thing idk. I'm bringing my computer, but I may not have time. It depends on what my sisters are planning for our free time lol. I'll most likely post next Friday, especially if I didn't on Tuesday. Thank you for reading and please review!**_

 _ **Until (maybe) Tuesday,**_

 _ **-Jelly**_


	12. Didn't Mean It

_**Hey you guys! I didn't have time to post on Tuesday, so sorry about that but I did warn you. And today I'm sick and nearly forgot, cuz I've just been binge watching Youtube all day. Honestly. Dan and Phil, Thomas Sanders, these are the things I do in my free time. Lol, I'm tireedddddd.**_

 _ **To Skye7Diamond: you're definitely right about that. Yoshi is like the father of all fathers, he's great. You'll see.**_

 _ **To StoryAdict: gosh, you're way too nice. Lmao, I got an umbrella last spring and then stepped on it and broke it the same day. Thanks so much! I love you! *hug***_

 _ **To meowelina: heh, thanks! I'm glad you like how I write the characters. Here's an update for ya!**_

 _ **To AkimiTheWriter: GEEZ hold your horses there's still gonna be TIME for people to die. Lol. Not getting anything else from me ;D**_

 _ **To TheHomieKnownAsB: I'm glad you're enjoying it! Welcome to the angst train! WOO WOO!**_

 _ **To Shaymandy: yeah… it is pretty heavy. Hopefully, it doesn't get too intense!**_

 _ **WARNINGS: Mentions physical, emotional, and sexual abuse, Hospital, doctors, trauma. The good stuff.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT**_

 _ **And now, enjoy!**_

* * *

Raphael sat cross-legged on the bed, Michelangelo across from him. Both held cards in their hand, but only one was utterly confused by them. That one was Raphael.

"This game sucks," he grumbled moodily, Mikey looked at him with a frown.

"But you're winning." he pointed out. Raph blinked in surprise.

"I am?" he asked incredulously, "but I can't even- how do I win again?"

"Whoever has none first." Mikey replied, "you have two less than I do because of your match last turn. Remember?"

"Oh yeah." Raph tilted his head, squinting at the cards. "I forgot."

"Let me think…" Mikey tapped his chin. "Do you have any salmon?"

"I have no idea what that means." Raph sighed, turning a card over to see if it made more sense. "These all look like fish."

"They have the names," Mikey said, Raph scowled, looking at the three cards. How the heck was he supposed to read all these crazy made up words? They made even less sense than the book Donnie had given him. Probably because there was no context of normal words.

"What do the salmon look like?" he finally asked.

"They're the red ones," Mikey said, holding up his card. "Like this."

"Okay…" Raph looked at his cards again. "Yeah, I have two of those why?" Mikey sighed, facepalming.

"Did you even explain the rules?" Leo asked from next to Donnie, who was asleep. Mikey scoffed.

"Everyone knows how to play go fish, Leo," he said. Raph scowled, dropping his cards.

"I don't," he growled in annoyance. "I don't even know what the heck a salmon is, Mikey! Go play with someone else!" he flopped down onto his pillows, the scowl still stuck on his face. Mikey didn't say anything, and Raph didn't really care. He understood they were trying to make him feel better about being stuck in this stupid room, he understood that the kid just wanted to have fun, but Raph had never played a card game in his life until now.

"I'm sorry Raph," Mikey said softly, sniffing. Raph groaned, pulling a pillow over his face. "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"Why don't you put the cards away for a while?" Leo suggested. "You could go find Mom and Dad, they went to get something to eat a little bit ago."

"Okay." Mikey let out a long sigh, gathering up the cards. "I'll go. I know when I'm not wanted." Raph frowned, lifting the pillow.

"Mike that's not what he means!" he said, alarmed, "Leo was just trying ta help it don't mean he doesn't want you!" Mikey looked at him for a second, then smiled.

"Oh, thanks Raph," he said, then set the cards on a shelf and walked out. Raph sighed, feeling like he'd done something wrong. Why had Mikey looked at him like that? He dropped the pillow back onto his face, closing his eyes. He'd been stuck in here for a week, and he absolutely hated it.

"What's up Raph?" Leo lifted the pillow.

"Your ego," Raph replied, pulling it back. Leo snorted.

"I mean it, what's wrong?" he asked. Raph sighed.

"I hate this place," he grumbled, sliding the pillow to rest on his abdomen. "I wanna leave." Leo frowned sympathetically.

"You will eventually Raph, but it takes time," he said softly. Raph snorted.

"What takes time, Leo?" he complained. "I don't know what the heck they're waiting for! It's not like I broke my leg or anything, why can't I just leave?" Leo sighed.

"Another reason is that… Dad wants you to stay with us. But that takes time, and if you leave the hospital now you'll probably get dumped into the system and put with a random family that doesn't even know you. That's why." Raph lay there looking at the ceiling for a moment.

"Why does he want me to stay with you?" he grumbled, Leo frowned.

"Raph, where would you go other than with us? We care about you, and you saved Dad, and you deserve to be taken care of by people who love you." Raph turned his head, looking at Leo with a blank expression.

"And you're saying you love me," he said. Leo looked at the floor, eyes darting from side to side. "Uh huh."

"Raph…" Leo finally said, "you deserve to be loved." Raph hummed, putting his hands under his head. "You do," Leo said firmly. "Mikey loves you like a brother, he always has. And Mom and Dad care about you a lot."

"Cuz I saved Yoshi." Raph finished bitterly. "Yeah, I get it, Leo, okay?"

"That's not the only reason," Leo said softly. Raph chose to ignore this and remain silent. Of course, it was the only reason, why would they care about him for any other one? Mikey liked him, but that was because he liked everyone in the whole world. But Yoshi? The guy had only known him for a week. How could he care for any reason other than the fact that Raph instigated his rescue? He couldn't, that's how. Leo took a deep breath, and Raph knew the guy was about to keep talking.

"Whatever you think," he said gently, "we do care about you. Dad wants to take care of you, and so do we."

"I don't need a babysitter," Raph said moodily, hugging the pillow to his chest. "Or parents. I can do fine on my own Leo."

"I bet," Leo said sarcastically, Raph scowled. "Raph, can't you just accept help? You were like this before, too! We'd try to help you with your chores or whatever, but no, strong lone wolf Raph had to do it on his own!" Raph felt like he'd been slapped in the face. Is that really what Leo thought? He clamped his eyes shut again, curling into a ball around the pillow. Leo seemed to realize what he'd said. "Oh man, Raph I didn't mean it like that." Raph ignored him. "Raph I'm sorry. I know that wasn't the reason, I was just…" he trailed off and Raph sighed internally. He knew it. Leo was still just the perfect son, perfect brother, and was always right the first time. He didn't care, of course, he didn't.

"What is going on in here?" Yoshi walked in and the sound of the grown man's voice made Raphael squeak in surprise and terror, curling up tighter. Leo sighed.

"Dad…" he trailed off yet again. Of course, he couldn't own up to his mistake.

"Raphael?" Yoshi asked gently, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Can you tell me what is wrong?"

"No," Raph mumbled, eyes still closed. "Leo can." no one spoke, and Raph imagined that Yoshi was looking at his son expectantly. Then Leo sighed.

"I said some things I shouldn't have." he said softly, "things that aren't true."

"I see," Yoshi said softly. "Raphael, you know you are safe, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Leonardo can sometimes be slow to think and quick to speak," Yoshi said, Raph could hear he was smiling. "He did not mean anything by what he said."

"Yes," Raph said firmly. "He did." everyone fell silent and Raph tensed in fear for a moment, wondering if they were mad at him.

"And what did he say?" Yoshi finally asked. Raph opened his eyes, looking up at the man.

"He said that I'm just like before. And he said I'm always gonna be like this. That I'll always be so afraid of Father that I won't let people help me!" he spat, glaring murder at Leo, who was staring at the floor. Raph closed his eyes again and lay back down, shoulders quivering.

"Leonardo?"

"I…" Leo swallowed. "I didn't mean it Raph."

"But you said it," Raph grumbled. "Doesn't matter if you meant it cuz you said it anyway."

"Leonardo would you please step out with your mother and brother for a moment," Yoshi said, Raph opened his eyes and watched Leo leave, then looked at Yoshi with hostile eyes. "Raphael…" he paused. "May I ask how that conversation came to be?"

"I don't want help," he grumbled. "I don't want you to deal with me just cuz you think you owe me. I don't need anyone."

"I see," Yoshi said, getting up. "Raphael, I must say that part of the reason I am taking care of you is that you saved me and my family." Raph looked away. "But Shen has cared for you like a son since she first met you before any of that happened. Michelangelo speaks of you as a brother, and Donatello and Leonardo are close to realizing that you do belong in our family. Why do you think otherwise?"

"Because I don't," Raph said, shrugging. "I'm not your son, or hers, and I'm not their brother. You hardly know me, Mr. Hamato. I don't want you to have to deal with me."

"I think you misunderstand," Yoshi said softly. "I do not plan on simply 'dealing' with you. I wish to adopt you and take care of you like a son. Do you not want to be loved?" Raph shrugged, glaring at the floor.

"I dunno."

"Raphael-"

"Can't everyone just leave me alone?" Raph asked angrily, suddenly feeling furious. Yoshi looked hurt but nodded.

"Very well then, I need to speak to Leonardo anyway," he said, walking out. "Please rest, Raphael." Raph watched him go, frowning. He wasn't going to be mad at Leo, was he? The green-eyed boy slid out of the bed and crept to the door, peeking out. Leo was standing in front of Yoshi, head down. "I am disappointed in you Leonardo."

"I'm sorry," Leo said, looking away. "I didn't think of what I was saying, I didn't mean it, Dad."

"Yet you said it, and you have damaged Raphael's self-esteem further," Yoshi said sternly, Raph winced. "I am not happy about this."

"Neither am I…" Leo mumbled, rubbing his arm, Yoshi reached toward him and Raph flinched violently, stepping back. But Yoshi wrapped his son in a hug, gently rubbing Leo's back. Raph frowned in curiosity, stepping back to his place at the door where no one was able to see him. Yoshi was mad, wasn't he? Raph sighed softly. This just proved that they had different lives. Some people got good parents and some didn't, Raphael had just happened to draw the wrong lot and end up with a hecking crappy dad. Leo hadn't. Raph turned and walked back to the bed, sitting on the edge. Raph frowned, tracing a tile with his toe. He hated Father, he really did. But now he had a chance, a chance he'd never even imagined, to get a new one. One who had never and would never hurt him. So why wasn't he taking it? Raph knew why; he was scared. It was pathetic to be scared of this, but he was. Raph had never had a life other than the one he knew, and he was scared of what might happen. Yoshi walked back in, Leo followed.

"I really am sorry, Raphael," he said softly, Raph looked over at him and shrugged.

"You didn't mean it," he mumbled, picking at the blanket.

"Raphael," Yoshi said, voice gentle. "You should be resting." Raph nodded, pulling his legs onto the bed and the blanket over himself, covering everything but his head.

"Kay…" he said softly, still thinking. Yoshi smiled and turned to leave, probably to go back with Shen. just before he left Raphael spoke again. "Thanks." Yoshi paused, glancing back at him, smiling slightly. Raphael sighed, closing his eyes as he shoved his head under the pillows on his bed.

* * *

They were coming for him. Raphael sprinted through the darkness, eyes wide in terror. They were going to get him back, he didn't want them to get him back! Hands grabbed at his clothes as he ran past but Raphael yanked away heart thumping. He had to get out of here, he had to get away!

"Raphael." Raph flinched, running faster. It was him, they were coming!

"No no no no!" Raph gasped as he ran into an invisible wall. No! He had to get away he had to get away from them!

"Raphael." they were getting closer, Raph spun around, eyes wide in terror as the shadows melted off of Father's figure. He whimpered now, sliding down the wall to sit. He couldn't get away. He was trapped, he was trapped all over again.

"Raphael!" Raph's eyes snapped open and he stared at Leo for a moment. Wait, Leo? Why was Leo here? He blinked and looked around the dark hospital room. If he was here… that must have been a dream… Raph let out a shaky breath, burying his face in the pillows. "Raph are you okay?"

"'M fine," Raph mumbled. "Just a dream, it was just a dream."

"Oh." Leo seemed to relax for a moment. "Do you wanna talk about it?" Raphael didn't reply. He didn't want to talk about it, his heart was still thumping wildly and he was embarrassed, but he did anyway.

"Th-they were gonna get me again…." he murmured, turning so one eye could see Leo above the pillow. "I don't want them to…" Leo smiled sadly.

"They won't, Raph. We won't let them," he promised gently. Raph nodded against the pillows, pulling the blanket up around his ears.

"Kay…" he mumbled, man was he tired. But Raph forced his eyes to stay open, he didn't want to have another nightmare. Instead, he just watched as Leo sat back down in the chair he'd been in and pick up a book, Raphael squinted at the cover, trying to see what it said. The second word was too hard and he sighed softly. Leo glanced up.

"What's wrong?" he asked worriedly, "you should be sleeping."

"What book are you reading?" Raph asked, ignoring the other boys' statement. He propped himself up on his elbows, and Leo glanced at the book.

"This is The Lord Of The Rings," he said. Raph scowled.

"That's not what the cover says, I can read 'lord'." Leo blinked for a moment, then looked at the cover.

"Oh, this is just the first book, which is The Fellowship of the Ring." he clarified, then looked back at Raph. "and you need to rest, Raphael."

"Nah." Raph sat up, pulling his legs underneath him and sitting on them. "Not tired." that was a lie. He was exhausted. But he didn't want to see Father anywhere, nightmares included. Leo looked skeptical, but set his book aside and looked at the clock.

"It's one in the morning." he pointed out.

"You're awake." Raph retorted. Leo smiled.

"Okay, you got me," he said, raising his hands. "Insomniac at your service." Raph nodded, then brushed hair out of his face.

"You know when we're getting outta this place yet?" he grumbled, "it's boring. And I wanna go outside." Leo frowned.

"I don't know when Raphael," he said. "Soon, though." Raph nodded, glancing at Leo and then away from him. Leo knew what happened, he had to know. Raph could just tell from the way Leo looked at him. "But as soon as you can, we'll go outside." Raph smiled.

"You promise?"

"Promise," Leo said with a grin. "Now go to sleep. I'll wake you up if you start having another nightmare." Raph frowned, then sighed and lay back down on his side, legs pulled up to his chest. He yanked the blanket up to his jaw again but didn't close his eyes. Leo smirked. "Sleeping usually requires closed eyes." he pointed out. Raph made a face at him, but closed his eyes, taking a few deep breaths. Just before he drifted off, Raph wondered how on earth Leo had talked him into sleeping right after that nightmare. Maybe he trusted Leo more than he wanted to.

* * *

 _ **Oof, I hope I'm writing PTSD correctly. *crosses fingers* let me know on anything I can do better? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this and I'll probably be back on Tuesday (unless I die from this illness my brother gave me) and thank you for reading and please review!**_

 _ **Until Tuesday,**_

 _ **-Jelly**_


	13. It'll Be Okay

_**It's Tuesday, everyone! Hoooooray! I've spent the majority of my free time in the past week binge watching Dan and Phil youtube videos. I highly recommend, they're very funny and I love them. Anyway! Sorry about that! Anyway, I think you guys will all like this chapter a lot! :D**_

 _ **To Flora Of The Elementals: Thanks! There'll be a whole lot more chapters like that for the rest of this book, so get ready! ;D**_

 _ **To StoryAdict: yep. For some reason, I like making Leo an insomniac and I like him and Raph bonding toooo. I like too many things lol. Get some sleep tonight, though! *hugs***_

 _ **To Skye7Diamond: ooooh you don't even know half of it. Raph's about to realize a lot of things! :D I'm glad you guys all liked this chapter?!**_

 _ **To Only Hope No Fear: I'm glad you love the story and welcome to the madhouse! Lol. Thanks for the PM, feel free to message me whenever!**_

 _ **To AkimiiTheWriter: Thank you! I try hard to make emotions as realistic as possible… but it's hard sometimes lol. And don't worry about Hun, he'll get what's coming to him but he still has an important place in the story! ;) mwahahahaha!**_

 _ **To Shaymandy: uuuuuh I mean Leo was reading Lord Of The Rings… is that what you meant? *confession* I've actually never read it, but if I referenced it anyway then that's just splendid! And yess! This story has eight more chapters (not counting this one) AH! SO CLOSE! :DD**_

 _ **WARNINGS: PTSD, Panic attack, mentions of physical, mental, emotional, and sexual abuse, mentions of violence, yelling screaming and crying.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT**_

 _ **And now, the chapter!**_

* * *

"You coming?"

"Yeah," Raph said, but still didn't move to get out of the car. Instead, he just looked out the window. The government had gotten the Hamatos a house, in a town a few hours away from New York City, where apparently Father would not be able to find them. And apparently, Raphael was coming as well. So that's where they were now, everyone else was out of the car and waiting on the sidewalk. Leo walked over and pulled open Raphs door. He still didn't move.

"Raph, you okay?"

"Yeah," Raph said again. "You guys don't have to wait for me." Leo raised a brow. "What?"

"You're planning on running," Leo said, folding his arms. Raph scowled, looking up at him. How the heck did Leo know what he was thinking?

"So what if I am?" he said defiantly. Leo sighed, running a hand down his face.

"Just give it a chance Raph." he said, "we might surprise you." Raph scowled, glancing past Leo to the others, who were watching with slightly confused faces. As he watched, Yoshi came back.

"Is everything alright?" he asked, Raph bit his lip and looked at his hands.

"Yeah," he muttered, getting out of the car. "I'm coming." Leo blinked in surprise, but Raph just walked past him and folded his arms, joining Donnie and Mikey. "Let's just go." despite his annoyance, Raphael wasn't mad at Leo for trying to get him to come. Especially now that he was standing in the sunlight without a jacket for the first time he could remember. The boy looked up at the sky, face flat.

"Let's go!" Mikey cheered, running to the door once Yoshi rejoined them. Raph followed, walking next to Donnie. Yoshi pulled out a key he'd received and opened the door to the dark house. Raph paused at the steps to the porch, Donnie halted beside him.

"This is gonna be weird," he muttered, Raph looked at him. "Moving all the time. I'm kinda tired of it." Raph looked over at him with a frown.

"How often do you move?" he wondered.

"After Dad disappeared, we went from apartment to apartment for a while," Donnie replied as Mikey thundered into the empty building. "When we got evicted from the last one, we moved in with you, and now we're moving here."

"I'm sorry," Raph muttered, shoulders hunching up slightly. Donnie shrugged.

"It's not your fault," he said softly, Raph could feel him staring. The fading bruises up and down his arms, his otherwise pale skin, long hair. He was so different, he didn't belong with them. The others had turned on the lights inside, and the house looked much less foreboding now. He and Donnie were alone out in the sunshine. "Wanna go in?" Donnie finally asked. Raph nodded.

"Yeah." he breathed out slowly and walked in without looking at the other boy. He heard Donnie follow him though. Mikey had already thundered up the stairs, which stood at the end of the hallway. The only way to get to the rest of the house was to go through one of two doorways on either side of the hall, which led to rooms that had archways to the kitchen. Raphael followed the sound of Leo's voice, he was standing by large french doors leading outside.

"This place is cool." he was saying as Raphael and Donnie walked in. "and there's like three stories!" Michelangelo ran down the stairs and a moment later appeared racing through a doorway to Raph's left. The boy jumped in surprise as Mikey ran past, through the doorway, Raph had come through, and back up the stairs.

"Holy…" Raph muttered, rubbing his arm. Leo laughed.

"That's Mikey for you. He only didn't do it last time because we weren't the only family…"

"Right," Raph said, ducking his head, then stuffed his hands in his pockets to keep them from shaking.

"Come on Raph let's go look at bedrooms." Donnie suddenly said, putting a gentle hand on Raph's shoulder, Raph looked over at him and nodded. They walked back to the front hall and started up the stairs just as Mikey jumped down them two at a time.

"Hi, guys! Bye guys!" he said, waving as he ran around the corner again. Raph snorted, following Donnie up.

"I think our rooms are on the third story." Donnie said with a grin, "you aren't afraid of heights are you?" Raph scoffed.

"No," he said as they walked around a corner to the other staircase. "This house is a freaking maze." Donnie nodded, glancing at him.

"That's because it's old. A long time ago, open-concept buildings weren't really the aesthetic, now they are. Hallways used to be normal, now they're an unfortunate requirement that some builders try to avoid entirely." he rattled off as they climbed the second set of creaking stairs. Raph blinked. He had no idea what Donnie was talking about.

"Uh...sure." he agreed anyway. They got to the top of the stairs and Raph looked around. The hallway had one window and two doors before turning a corner. Around it were two more bedrooms and a bathroom. "Who's room is whos?" Donnie shrugged, opening one.

"The movers brought stuff since the government is protecting us until they find your dad, they got the basics. Bed, dresser, desk, you know."

"Uh huh." Raph thought that was a bit more than the basics, but that was probably for a reason. "So we just pick one."

"Yeah, I guess." Donnie shrugged as Mikey came running up the stairs.

"THIS IS MINE!" He hollered, running into the door closest to the top, Raph grimaced, shoulders hunching a bit.

"Mikey don't yell," Donnie said in irritation. "Pick one other than that one, I guess. Whichever one we don't pick Leo gets." Raph nodded, peaking into each of them. All but one was on the outside edge to the house, with two windows. Raph walked into the one next to Mikeys, looking around. It was smaller than the other two and only had one window. But it felt secure.

"I got this one." he decided, Donnie nodded, walking off to the other two. Raph walked over to the bed, running a hand over the red and black quilt. It was softer than he expected it to be.

"Heya we're neighbors!" Mikey said, voice still loud, bouncing in. Raphael hunched his shoulders, feeling like it would be rude to cover his ears with his hands.

"Can you please not?" he growled, taking a deep breath. Mikey gave him a thumbs up before running out and down the stairs again. Raph sighed, rubbing the back of his head. He walked over to the window and looked down. "Oh holy…" he stepped back, closing his eyes. He was high up. Raph slowly stepped toward the window again, taking deep breaths as he ignored the height and looked at the backyard. There were two trees with a hammock strung between them and a brown wooden fence nearly six feet high. But he was on the third story and could see into the neighbor's yards. One had a trampoline, playhouse, and swing set. The other had a large shed, and the open door told Raphael whoever lived there really liked taking cars apart. He turned away from the window now, looking around the room.

"I'm going downstairs," Donnie told him, slowing as he walked past. "Okay?"

"Do whatever you want," Raph said, shrugging. Donnie nodded and walked away, Raph pulled the chair back from the desk and spun it around a few times, taking a strange amount of pleasure from the action. Then he sighed in resignation. "Guess I'm staying," he muttered to himself, unable to fight a smile. "Could be worse." oh yeah, it could be worse alright. Raphael shivered, feeling nauseous, and then sat on the floor, back leaning against the side of the desk. The shadow of an iron grip on his arms made Raph whimper slightly and he hugged his knees, burying his face in them. It could be much much worse.

* * *

"Where's Raph?" Leo asked from where he was unpacking a grocery bag. Donnie looked over from the fridge.

"He's still upstairs in the room he chose." the brown-eyed boy replied, "why?"

"Because he's been up there for an hour," Leo said, putting a jar of peanut butter on the table. Donnie looked at the clock like he hadn't noticed, and Leo immediately felt worried. He turned, abandoning his chore, and walked around to the stairs, climbing up.

"Raph?" he called, no answer. Leo tried to tell himself to stop worrying. It was nothing. Raph was probably tired, he'd just fallen asleep. Leo ignored himself and went up to the bedrooms. "Raphael?" he paused, listening. Soft sobs were coming from the second door down. Leo walked over and peeked inside, but at first, didn't see the other boy. "Raph?"

"L-leave me alone please…" Raph said, then hiccuped. His voice was coming from the other side of the desk, and Leo walked over, eyes wide in concern. Raph was curled in a ball, hugging his legs tightly to his chest.

"Raph, what's wrong?" he dropped to his knees, "what happened?"

"You know what happened!" Raph said, suddenly angry. "So just leave me alone Leonardo!" Leo sat back, biting his lip. Of course, he knew what happened, it had been a stupid thing to ask.

"Can I help?"

"Go away."

"Raph…" Leo sighed, rubbing his arms. "I'm worried about you, can I please do something to help?"

"Yeah, go away!" Raph growled, angrily wiping tears from his cheeks. "I don't want you in here, this is my room y'know." he seemed slightly...proud…of this fact. Leo felt even worse now for coming in without asking. But he couldn't just leave Raph to cry alone, could he?

"Do you want to come downstairs?" he suggested, "we were making lunch."

"No," Raph said moodily. Leo sighed, looking at him. Raphael had always been much shorter than him and his brothers, and skinnier. Now that they knew why though, he seemed even smaller. Especially curled up like this.

"You need to eat," Leo said softly. Raph snorted. "Raph please?"

"Why can't you just take no for an answer!" Raph said, voice rising in volume. "I said I'm not hungry! I said to get out of my room! Can't you just leave me alone!?" Leo stared at him for a moment, then got to his feet, feeling even worse.

"Sorry," he said softly, walking out. Raph growled in annoyance after he left, and Leo heard him start to sob again before he went down the stairs. Poor Raph… Leo blinked back his own tears and took a deep breath, walking back down to his family. Mikey had come in from sprinting around the yard and had taken Leo's place at the kitchen island.

"Hey bro."

"Raph okay?" Donnie asked.

"No." Leo sighed heavily. "He's not." his brothers looked at each other, then at him. "Where's Mom and Dad?"

"They're still gone…" Donnie said, "getting light bulbs. The second floor didn't have any, and we need soap and shower curtains too."

"Great." Leo sighed, flopping into a dining room chair. "Just great."

"What's wrong with him?" Donnie asked, walking over. Leo sighed, putting his face in his hands. How was he supposed to explain this to Mikey and Donnie? Raph obviously didn't even want him to know what happened, and probably didn't even want anyone to. "Leo?"

"He…" Leo took a deep breath. "He's adjusting. We'll talk to him later."

"Are you sure?" Leo looked up at his twin brothers concerned face and hated himself for nodding.

"He wants to be alone." he said, "but once Mom and Dad get back I think he'll be okay." Donnie looked skeptical but nodded.

"If you say so." he finally agreed, walking to the fridge and putting a jug of milk inside. Leo sighed, staring out the back doors when a blood-curdling scream ripped through the house. He was immediately on his feet, staring at the ceiling.

"Raph!" Mikey cried, dashing to the stairs. Leo chased after him, grabbing Mikey's arm and pulling him back so he could pass. It was rude, but Leo wanted to get to Raph before his baby brother did. When Leo reached Raph's bedroom, he was shocked to see that the desk had been overturned, lying awkwardly on one side against the desk chair. Raph was standing with his back to the wall, hitting his head against it every few seconds.

"Raph what are you doing?" Donnie asked, pushing past Leo. "Raph!" he climbed carefully over the desk to get to his brother's side. Raph didn't seem to notice he was there. "Oh, crap...Leo, he's having a panic attack or something!" Raph cracked his eyes open, then one arm flew out and he shoved Donnie away.

"I said to leave me alone!" he screamed.

"Uh... I'm gonna call mom." Mikey said from the doorway before running down the stairs. Leo worked his way over to Raphael as Donnie slowly approached him again.

"Raph, Raph please talk to me," Donnie said gently. Raph whimpered, eyes screwed shut.

"He-he's coming… DONNIE HE'S COMING!"

"No, he's not," Donnie said softly. "The only people here are me and Leo, okay?"

"No no no no no!" Raph grabbed his head, slamming it against the wall a final time. "He's going to come, Donnie! They're going to kill me!"

"No one will hurt you," Donnie said, gently taking Raph's arms and lowering them. Leo watched with wide eyes, wondering how Donnie could be so calm.

"They are...Donnie I'm going to die!" Raph whimpered. Donatello just wrapped Raph slowly in a hug.

"Raph it's okay," he said, Leo saw in one instant how actually terrified his twin was. "Take a deep breath, like this. Do what I'm doing." Donatello slowly breathed in, then breathed out even slower. Raph copied him, head still leaned against the wall. "Good, Raph you're doing good." slowly, Leo watched as Raphael relaxed in Donnie's arms, slumping down in defeat. "There we go. See?" footsteps thundered up the stairs, but by the time Dad entered the room, Donnie had lowered Raph to his knees, kneeling with him.

"H-he…" but Raphael trailed off, looking so utterly lost and confused Leo wondered how he could transition so quickly. Raph just closed his eyes, leaning his head on Donnie's shoulder.

"You're okay." Donnie said gently, stretching out the word. "See? Everything is going to be fine." it was such a strange feeling, the silence in contrast to Raphael's panicked babbling moments earlier, that Leo could only stand and stare at his brother and their adopted one. Dad took a shaky breath, putting a hand over his eyes. "Everything will be okay."

* * *

 _ **Oof, wasn't a great chapter for Raph, was it? Or the others, actually. Don't worry! There's a lot more brother fluff coming, and even a mini-arc in here for Mikey! Ooooh! What on earth could that be? *evil laughter* Thanks for reading and please review!**_

 _ **Until Friday,**_

 _ **-Jelly**_


	14. The Big Brother

_**Hey guys! It's Friday, and I'm back with another chapter! This one has a lot… mostly fluff but also PLENTY of angst! We've got some Raph and Shen bonding, which there hasn't been a lot of. Then Some Raph and Mikey… and then Mikey and the other two! You'll see, it's a doozy!**_

 _ **To Skye7Diamond: Lol, Raph really could use a cuddle huh? Not that he'd want one.**_

 _ **To Only Hope No Fear: yeah, I torture him a lot. Heh… HERE'S SOME MORE FLUFF FOR YOU**_

 _ **To AkimiiTheWriter: yeah, I do like making Raph and Donnie best friends. But I try to do that with all of them (but especially them) You really don't like Hun… do you?**_

 _ **To Raigon: I'm glad you liked it! Sorry, it was kinda intense…**_

 _ **To Shaymandy: OMG I literally know nothing about actors or voice actors (I'm pathetic like that) But that is REALLY REALLY funny to me now! Don't be sorry, that's just excellent! You're right about the trust exercises, but I'm afraid not many happen this chapter…**_

 _ **WARNINGS: Panic attacks, flashbacks to sexual abuse (not really explicit, just flashes of voices and things), yelling, self-deprecation**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT**_

 _ **And now, enjoy!**_

* * *

Raphael stared at the floor of the living room, listening intently to the people talking in the kitchen. He had a blanket draped over his shoulders and his knees pulled up to his chest, but Raphael still felt horribly exposed.

"And then he just screamed." Leo finished, Raph closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. "We ran up and he was freaking out, but Donnie just...knew what to do."

"Last year I took a psychology class, and we talked about panic attacks," Donatello remarked, Raph flinched, hugging himself into a tighter ball.

"And then you got here," Leo said after a moment. "And yeah."

"You must understand that this is a hard time for Raphael," Yoshi said, softly. Raph had to strain his ears to hear it. They didn't know he could hear them. "He went through some very traumatizing things."

"But so did you," Mikey said softly. "You were gone for way longer Dad, and you seem okay-er than Raph does. Why is it different?" Raphael felt stinging guilt and buried his face in his arms, trying not to cry. Yoshi didn't answer right away.

"Oroku Saki wanted Raphael with him for a different reason than he wanted me." he finally said, and Raph shuddered. "But we are both home and safe, understood? You are not to ask Raphael any questions about what happened unless he brings it up." a pause. "Do you understand Michelangelo?"

"Yeah." Raph lifted his head and propped his chin on his arms instead, staring out the front window at the street. Two kids on bikes rode past, they were probably siblings. A girl and her little brother. Raph smiled a bit as they passed out of sight, staring at the horizon. The sunset was barely visible between the houses, but the sky was tinged with red and pinks. A few minutes later, someone walked in. Raph glanced over at Shen before looking back out the window.

"Are you feeling better?" she asked softly, sitting next to him. Raph shrugged. She held a cup of something in front of him and Raph frowned, looking at it. "It is tea, to calm your mind." Raph untangled a hand from the blanket and accepted the cup, sniffing it in curiosity before taking a small sip.

"Thanks." he finally said. She smiled, looking down at her own cup.

"You are strong, Raphael." she finally said. Raph looked over at her but said nothing. Instead, he took another, slightly bigger, sip of his tea. It was different than anything he'd tasted before, and he was trying to decide if he liked it or not. Then he fidgeted, feeling slightly awkward. Fortunately, she continued talking. "What do you think of the house?"

"It's big," Raph said, swirling his cup a little bit, trying to seem fascinated by it. "I like it."

"I am glad." she fell silent, and Raph realized she probably felt as awkward as he did. So instead of ignoring her as much as possible, he took a deep breath and turned his head to look at her, and felt the pressing question he'd had re-enter his head. For lack of anything better to do, he asked it.

"Why did you want to take care of me?" Shen lifted her head, obviously surprised. Raph just looked at her, waiting for an answer.

"Raphael…" she began slowly. "Do you remember the first time I met you? Not what happened before or after, just right then?" Raph nodded slowly, trying to banish the memories from before it from his mind. "Do you remember what I said to you?" Raph nodded again.

"Y'said that…" he paused to think. "That you could tell I was a good kid. And then you said that I was handsome." he glanced at his hands. He was pale, skinny, and currently very bruised.

"That is right," Shen said with a small smile. "You are a good boy, Raphael. And you deserve a family who loves you."

"But why you?" Raph murmured, "you already have so much to deal with." Shen hummed a bit, thinking.

"You could have gone to strangers," she said. "Strangers that have more experience than I do. But I wanted to take care of you, as a way to say sorry." Raph looked at her like she was crazy.

"Sorry for what?" he asked, "you were the first person to actually…" he trailed off, resting his chin on his knees. Shen brushed hair out of her face.

"I didn't notice that Saki was an evil man," she said softly. "There were many signs, on you as well as other places. I might have noticed, but I did not."

"Oh." Raph looked at the tea, now cold in his hand, and tilted his head back to chug it down. Once he did, he glanced at Shen and then away again. "It ain't your fault."

"Isn't." Shen corrected gently. Raph shrugged, balancing the cup on the arm of the couch. "Why? Do you not want to be with us?" Raph immediately shook his head, eyes wide.

"Of course I wanna be here!" he said in surprise. "I just… well… didn't think you actually wanted me…" he mumbled the last bit, looking at the floor. Shen gently cupped his chin in her hand and Raphael held back a shudder of terror, feeling father's large hand gripping his jaw instead.

"Raphael, you are loved," she promised gently. Raph shrugged. "I promise no harm will come to you here."

"Kay…" Raph mumbled softly, hunching his shoulders and gently making Shen let go of him. She stood, taking his cup from the arm of the couch and smiling at him before walking into the kitchen. Raph heard a murmur of voices but didn't bother to listen this time. A few minutes later, he looked up as soft footsteps crept down the stairs. Mikey peeked around the wall, meeting Raph's eyes, and smiled winningly. Raph couldn't help but half smile back, this kid was contagious. Mikey skipped over and sat where Shen had been for a moment. Raph felt slightly self-conscious and lowered his legs into a regular seating position, pulling the blanket around his shoulders again.

"Hey, Raphie," Mikey said, Raph flinched, trying to forget. _Raphie don't you like me?_

"Hey," he mumbled, pulling the blanket tighter around himself.

"Are you feeling better?" Mikey asked sheepishly. "I was worried about you earlier when you freaked out."

"Yeah," Raph answered vaguely. Mikey looked around, bouncing slightly on the couch. The kid was hyperactive or something, seriously.

"Do you wanna go play video games?" he suggested after a moment. Raph smiled a bit, Mikey was trying to make him feel better.

"No thanks Mike," he said softly, looking away. "Maybe another time." after he'd gotten Donnie or Leo to teach him how. He knew they all knew he was different, but he felt more embarrassed about Mikey knowing than anyone else. Raph had never played a video game before, he couldn't read or write well, and he never made any friends. How pathetic could you get?

"Oh, okay." Mikey ran a hand through his hair, obviously trying to strike up a conversation. "Are you hungry or something? We could make sandwiches! I'd suggest a sunset picnic in the backyard but since you're allergic to grass I guess we can't…" Raph sighed, closing his eyes.

"I'm not allergic to grass, Mikey," he said.

"But I thought-"

"Father made me lie because I wasn't allowed." Raph finished, interrupting him. Mikey fell silent.

"Oh…" he said awkwardly. "Sorry. So you wanna have a picnic?"

"Not hungry." Raph shrugged, leaning his head back on the couch. Michelangelo suddenly started jumping a bit again, grinning.

"I have an idea!" he said, turning and leaning with his hands on Raph's leg, "we could-" but Raph didn't hear what he said. Instead, he froze, mind flashing back in time. No, no no no no not now not right with Mikey not now! But he couldn't help it when he screamed, pushing the boy away from him. Mikey fell off the couch, looking hurt and confused. Raph pulled his legs up again, curling into a ball, trying to stop hyperventilating. No no no no no! Raphael grabbed his hair and closed his eyes. But that only made it worse. People were touching him, holding him down, doing things that shouldn't be done.

"NO!" Raph screamed, tears running down his face. "G-Go away!"

"Dad!" Mikey yelled, "Dad he's doing it again!" Raphael whimpered, slashing his hand out toward an imaginary person. Hun or Takeshi, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Stop it! J-just stop it!"

"Raphael." a large hand rested on his shoulder and Raph's eyes snapped open, he kicked Yoshi in the chest and sent the man stumbling back. The man seemed shocked and winded, leaning on the wall to regain his breath. Shen knelt in front of Raph, eyes wide.

"P-please make it stop…" Raph begged her, feeling exposed and violated all over again. "Please…"

"Raphael, shhh." she gently wrapped her arms around his torso and Raph shuddered, but didn't fight her. "It will be alright." Raph saw Mikey standing behind her, eyes wide in horror and filling with tears. Oh crud, crud crud crud this was bad. Leo and Donnie ran down the stairs, probably shocked to see Raph having a panic attack again in the same day.

"Th-they're gonna do it again…" Raph whimpered, closing his eyes. Shen just hummed a song in his ear, running her fingers over his hair. "I'm scared…"

"It will be alright Raphael." Shen said gently, "it will be alright." Raph dimly heard Yoshi telling his sons to leave the room and footsteps. But he kept his eyes firmly shut, letting Shen hum to him and rock gently, and felt himself relax again.

* * *

"Mikey what did you do?!" Leo asked angrily once they got upstairs. Mikey looked up at him desperately.

"I didn't do anything!" he protested, breathing quickly. "We were just talking and then he freaked out and pushed me, Leo. it wasn't my fault!"

"Yeah, Leo calm down-"

"I don't believe this!" Leo said over Donnie's voice. "Mikey, you were the only one in there with him and he had a panic attack. And he was obviously having flashbacks to-" Leo broke off, obviously infuriated. Mikey ducked his head, blinking away tears.

"I'm sorry Leo I didn't mean it!" he held up his hands. "It was an accident! I didn't want Raph to have another panic attack, honest!"

"Yeah Leo, just calm down," Donnie said. Leo glared at him.

"Calm down? You want me to calm down?" he yelled, "well that's kind of hard to do, Donnie!"

"I said I was sorry." Mikey pouted. "What else am I supposed to do Leo? It's not like Raph wants to talk to me right now, for some reason!"

"Why don't you just tell us exactly what happened," Donnie said in a soothing voice. "So that we won't let it happen again." Mikey wiped tears out of his eyes and took a deep breath, thinking.

"Okay. well, we were on the couch," he began. "And I asked Raph if he wanted a sandwich. But he said he wasn't hungry." then he frowned, tapping his chin. "He didn't freak out until I got an idea of what we could do, but he didn't even wait to hear it. I just grabbed his leg cuz I was so excited and then he-"

"You grabbed," Leo said, holding up a hand. "Raph's leg?"

"Um, yes…?" Mikey shrugged, "and he just froze up, then screamed and pushed me off the couch. I didn't think the bruises were that bad anymore, but apparently-" Leo took a deep breath, covering his eyes and obviously trying not to explode. "Leo?"

"Leo, what is it?" Donnie asked, looking worried.

"Mikey…" Leo didn't uncover his eyes when he spoke. "Please don't do that again."

"Do what?" Mikey asked, irritated. "Try and cheer the guy up?"

"I think…" Donnie said, looking at Leo like the guy was the center of a supernova. "I think Leo means don't touch Raph's leg again." Mikey looked at them like they were crazy.

"Why the heck would he mean that?" Mikey asked, folding his arms. "That seems kinda crazy to me, Leo." Leo didn't answer, just turned and rubbed his head, obviously still upset. "Leo?" Mikey stepped closer, then stopped. He could feel anger, no, fury, radiating off his older brother. "What did I do?"

"Mike-" but Mikey shook his head, backpedaling toward the stairs.

"Leo why are you so mad at me?" he asked, tears welling up in his eyes. "I didn't mean it!" Leo took a deep breath, but Mikey was already running up the stairs to his room, eyes wide in horror. Leo had never been this mad at him before!

"Mikey- Mikey wait!" Michelangelo slammed the door to his room shut and fell onto the bed, hugging a pillow. Tears dribbled down his face and onto it, soaking into the pillowcase. "Mikey…" Mikey heard the door open and turned, Leo stood in the doorway, shoulders slumped. "I'm not mad at you, Mikey…"

"Sure seemed like it," Mikey muttered, looking at the floor. Leo sighed, rubbing his arm.

"Can I come in?" he asked softly. Mikey shrugged, and Leo came in and sat backward on the spinny chair, turning to look at Mikey.

"Michelangelo, I know you didn't mean it," he said softly. "And it wasn't really your fault. And I'm not mad at you." Mikey didn't answer. "I'm just… I'm mad at the people who hurt Raph. okay, little brother?" Mikey nodded, even though he still felt horrible.

"Is Raph gonna be okay?" he asked softly.

"Donnie went down to see if he calmed down yet," Leo replied, resting his chin on the back of the chair. "But I think he will be eventually."

"I didn't mean to hurt him," Mikey said, picking at a bandaid on his knee. "I was just trying to cheer him up because he must have been kinda down after what happened earlier. But then I just ended up making everything worse." tears filled his eyes again and Mikey hugged his pillow tighter.

"I told you it isn't your fault," Leo said firmly, looking right in Mikey's eyes. "Okay? You couldn't have known Raph would react like that. You were trying to help, and we all know that."

"But I still-"

"Mikey," Leo got up and sat next to Mikey on the bed, hugging him tightly. "Guilt tripping is my job, remember? I'm the big brother." Mikey sniffled but still smiled.

"Yeah."

"And it's your job," Leo said, poking Mikey's tummy. "To be our happy little guy."

"Yeah," Mikey said, cheering up slightly. "And it's Donnie's job to be the big nerd," he added when Donnie passed the doorway, Donnie scowled.

"Hey!" he protested. Mikey giggled.

"And it's Mom's job to make tea." he continued. "And it's Dad's job to make bad jokes." Leo grinned, ruffling his hair. "And it's Raph's job to get better."

"That's right little brother." Leo said, "I knew you were smart."

"Hey!" Donnie said again, Mikey laughed, beaming up at them. Donnie walked over and sat on Mikey's other side. "Raph's going to be okay, he just got kinda freaked out," he said, they nodded. "Mom and Dad said to stay up here for a bit while they finish calming him down."

"Sure thing, big brother," Mikey said, snuggling closer to the two older boys. He still felt bad about hurting Raph, but at least he was going to be okay.

* * *

 _ **Oof, Mikey done messed up. Too bad no one will tell him anything…. ;) mwahahahaha. He'll make it up, in his own special Mikey kinda way. Raph and Mikey have plenty of bonding next time, so look forward to that! Thank you for reading and please review!**_

 _ **Until Tuesday,**_

 _ **-Jelly**_


	15. A Good Day

_**Hey Guys! Would you look at that chapter? Is Raph really gonna have a good day? (yes, don't worry I'm not a liar unless it's about my sexuality) Anyway, yeah! HERE COMES THE FLUFF**_

 _ **To Skye7Diamond: Yeah, Raph's had it pretty rough. Lol. But don't get ahead of me! Saki and the others have a role to play yet! *evil laugh***_

 _ **To AkimiiTheWriter: lol, I'm not saying you're wrong. Good luck with the occult, let me know how it goes!**_

 _ **To Raigon: Thank you for the advice! And I'm super glad you loved it!**_

 _ **To Only Hope No Fear: lol the ultimate insult. Not capitalizing. Oof. At least you still capitalized my name, I'm still in the green. YAY**_

 _ **To StoryAdict: YAY I'M GLAD YOU LIKED IT**_

 _ **To Shaymandy: oh….**_ **/.\\\\\\\\\** _ **Thanks, I guess? Heh!**_

 _ **WARNINGS: slight flashbacks, mentions of abuse, paranoia, trees.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN TMNT**_

 _ **And now, enjoy!**_

* * *

"Trust me, you will not regret eating this," Mikey said as he piled different lunch meats and condiments on a piece of bread. Raph watched, wondering how on earth the kid had talked him into this. "I call it," he paused dramatically and put the second slice of bread on top, "the Michelangelo Supreme! Tada!"

"How am I supposed to eat that?" Raph asked, holding his hand next to the sandwich and frowning when the top piece of bread was a few centimeters above it. "It's ginormous."

"Smash it," Mikey explained, pulling out two more slices and spreading mayonnaise on them. "That's what I do."

"Right…" Raph said. "I mean it's a lot."

"You don't have to eat it all at once," Leo said, Raph looked over at him, still frowning. "I never do whenever he makes me one."

"You guys just have small stomachs," Mikey said dismissively, piling tomatoes and lettuce on his sandwich, then meat. "I have a stomach of steel, watch." he slammed another slice of bread on his own Michelangelo Supreme and smashed it flat, Raph grimaced in disgust as the younger boy picked up the thing and took a bite, and soon he was finished.

"Oh my gosh," Leo said, gagging. "That was disgusting." Mikey let out a loud burp, smacking his lips.

"Delicious!" he said, "you try Raph!" Raphael turned to his own sandwich, brow raised.

"There are no nuts in this right?" he asked, hoping for an excuse to not eat it.

"Nope!" Mikey said happily. "Completely Raphael-Safe! That's a promise from Mikey, the bona fried chef!"

"The what?"

"He's crazy," Donnie said, rolling his eyes. "Just eat it Raph, so he stops bugging you." Raph sighed, putting his hand on top of the sandwich and flattening it slowly. Mikey leaned closer to him, breathing in Raph's ear.

"Eaaaat itttttt…." he whispered, Raph shoved him away with a scowl. _I got you something to eat, so eat it._

"Leave me alone Mikey."

"Kay…" Mikey said, Raph looked at him in slight surprise, but Mikey had already gone to the fridge and was putting things away. Raph picked up the sandwich, taking a deep breath, and took a bite. It was surprisingly good, even though he didn't know what half of the things Mikey put on it were.

"He likes it," Donnie reported to his little brother. Mikey turned, grinning.

"I told you!" he said triumphantly. Raph rolled his eyes, swallowing without chewing very much. "Bet you can't eat it all!"

"Bet I can't." Raph agreed, putting it back on the plate. "Thanks, Mikey."

"Oh come on," Mikey pouted. "That was a challenge? You backing down from a challenge?"

"Yep."

"Party pooper." Mikey pouted. Raph shrugged. "You know what we should do today?"

"What," Leo replied, getting up and carrying his cereal bowl to the sink.

"We should…" Mikey hit the counter in a drumroll. "Find a skate park! There's gotta be a good skate spot near here, and it would be super fun to just go hang all day long! Whaddya say?" Raph didn't say anything, mostly because he had no idea what Mikey was talking about.

"I dunno Mike," Donnie said, frowning. "We don't know the streets very well, and-"

"So we get to know them," Mikey said, rolling his eyes. "Raph agrees with me, right dude?" Raph blinked.

"Uh, sure," he said, shrugging. "Whatever."

"And we don't have our boards with us," Leo added. Raph frowned. This was getting more and more confusing the more they talked.

"Oh yeah." Mikey's shoulders slumped. "We could… walk…?"

"To a skatepark?" Donnie asked incredulously. Raph sighed in resignation. He didn't know what they were talking about, that was a fact of life.

"Maybe just to a regular park." Mikey said, "we could just have fun, you guys!"

"Okay, Mikey," Leo said with a small smile. "If you and Raph both wanna go, I guess we can." Mikey pumped his fist in the air.

"Yes! Raph go grab your shoes let's go!" he ran out of the room and Raph watched after him.

"Okay…?" he got up, then glanced at the sandwich.

"Just stick the plate in the fridge," Donnie suggested. Raphael nodded and did that, then went to the stairs. Mikey came running down them as he went up.

"I got your shoes for you!" he said, waving them in the air. Raph frowned, then turned and followed the kid back into the kitchen.

"Don't go in my room," he said shortly but accepted the shoes.

"Okay." Mikey bobbed his head up and down, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Come on guys let's go!" Donnie sighed, getting out of his chair.

"Right now?"

"Yeah right now!" Mikey cheered. "We're off to see the wizard!"

"What are you talking about?" Raph asked, scowling.

"The wonderful wizard of Oz!" Mikey continued singing as he skipped to the front door. Raph had no clue what that was.

"O-kay then," Raph said, walking next to Donnie as they followed Michelangelo out into the sunshine. Raphael grinned, tilting his head back to look at the blue sky.

"I choose….this way!" Mikey declared on the sidewalk, pointing to the left.

"Then let's go," Raph said, energized by the fresh air and sunlight. He sped up, running past Mikey. "Bet I find it before you do!"

"Now we're talking!" Mikey cheered, running after him. Raphael grinned as he ran around the corner, feet thudding on the sidewalk.

"Guys wait up!" Leo called, but Raph ignored him. There was something great about just running, not knowing where he was going or when he was going to stop.

"Dude, you're too fast!" Mikey panted, but Raph kept going, a grin on his face as the wind whipped past. He didn't even stop when he crossed an empty street into a park, trees higher than the surrounding houses and pathways widening between. "Raph wait!" Raphael suddenly toppled over, and so did the person he'd run into.

"Dude what the heck?" the person said, irritated. Raph blinked, looking at him. He had black hair, freckles, and missing teeth. "You can't just run into people like that yo!"

"Uh, sorry…" Raph said, shoulders hunching slightly as the kid stood up, revealing he was taller than Donnie. "I didn't see you."

"I'm sure." the kid snorted, folding his arms. "Who the heck are you?" Raph got slowly to his feet, eyes darting in case he needed an escape.

"Um, I'm Raphael…" he said, rubbing his neck. "I was just running I didn't see you I'm really sorry… are you okay?" the kid rolled his eyes, turning to leave.

"Whatever man, I don't have time for a kid like you," he said, walking off. Raph watched him leave, mouth hanging open.

"Yo dude," Mikey said, catching up. "What the heck was that for? You just left us in the dust, we asked you to stop!"

"Sorry," Raph mumbled, looking at the ground. Leo and Donnie jogged up, looking around.

"This park is huge." Leo commented, "just look at this place. I mean, it's no Central Park, but I like it."

"Yeah," Raph said, sticking his hands in his pockets and looking around, spotting the kid he'd run into a little ways away, near the playground.

"Hey cool let's go see who that guy is!" Mikey said, grabbing Raph's arm. Raph grimaced yanking away. Before he could speak, however, Michelangelo had already skipped over and started talking to the kid. Whatever he could do whatever he wanted. But then Mikey gestured back at Raph, grinning, and he groaned, turning away.

"What's wrong Raph?" Donnie asked. Raph sighed, rubbing his head.

"I was running and ran into that guy," he grumbled. "Like, full on. Tipped him over too, and he acted really ticked off."

"Oh." Donnie frowned, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Well, he's coming over here."

"What?!" Raphael's head shot around and he groaned, ducking behind Donnie. "Pretend you don't know me."

"Raph, calm down," Leo said, putting a hand on Raph's shoulder. He winced. "Donnie and I are right here, besides. He was probably just annoyed." Raph looked at him, expression flat.

"That's the whole point, Leo," he grumbled under his breath.

"Guys, meet Casey!" Mikey exclaimed.

"Hey." the guy, Casey, said. "You guys just moved in right?" Raph folded his arms moodily and didn't answer.

"Yeah, we did," Leo said, stepping slightly closer to Raph. "I'm Leo. this is Raph."

"Donnie," Donnie said for himself. Casey nodded.

"Yeah, I met the little guy," he said, Raph scowled and Leo frowned.

"What are you talking about?" he said defensively, Raph looked at him in surprise. "Raph is-" he paused. "How old are you, Raph?"

"Fourteen," Raph said, glaring at Casey. "Same as Mike."

"Well, you're small for it." Casey retorted. Raph glared at him. "Whoa, geez. Calm down, man. I'm just kidding around."

"Yeah, whatever," Raph grumbled, brushing hair out of his eyes.

"You guys live in the big house a few blocks over, right?" Casey asked, opting to ignore Raph, which was fine with him.

"Yeah." Donnie nodded, "just moved in two days ago, actually. Haven't quite gotten used to the change. We came from NYC…" Raph looked at the ground. What Donnie meant was that he and his brothers came from the city, not Raph.

"No way dude!" Casey grinned his gap-toothed grin. "Same! Brooklyn!"

"We moved around a lot," Mikey said, skipping around them. "Because our dad-" Leo grabbed him and placed a hand over Mikey's mouth, looking irritated.

"Nice to meet you," he said, pulling Mikey away. Raph and Donnie followed, leaving a confused Casey behind them.

"What was that for?" Mikey pouted once Leo let go.

"We got moved here _because_ Dad and Raph were held captive!" Leo hissed. "And in case you hadn't realized, Saki and those freaks are still out there! So it probably would be a bad idea to tell everyone we meet what happened!" Raphael flinched at Father's name, but nodded, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"Oh yeah…" Mikey remembered. "Sorry, Leo. but Casey seems cool." Raph snorted.

"Why don't we just do something?" Donnie suggested.

"Like what?" Raph asked, looking around. "I don't wanna be near that kid, and the only other things around are trees." Mikey's face lit up.

"I know! We can have a tree climbing contest! Come on!" he grabbed Raph's arm and before he could protest, had pulled him a few yards away to a huge pine tree. "There's enough room for all of us and plenty of branches." he declared, letting go. Raph rubbed his arm, scowling. "Race you to the top!" Raph blinked as Mikey clambered onto the lower branch, then grinned and followed, going a little way around the large trunk to a different path up.

"I don't think that's a very good idea!" Leo said from below, Raphael ignored him again. "Guys, come on!"

"Hey they're trying the big tree!" someone else yelled from below, Raph glanced down and swallowed, reminding himself not to do that again.

"What the- what are you doing?" Leo asked the group of people gathering below.

"If they reach the red ribbon, they untie it and go as high as they can." someone said matter of factly. "It's the game. No one's reached the ribbon since the Richards family moved out." Raphael tilted his head back, peering up past the hundreds of branches to where he could see a glimmer of scarlet.

"Bet I can do it!" Mikey called loudly, Raph laughed and started climbing faster, ignoring the sticky substance on his hands.

"Bet I do it first!" he called back, Mikey laughed, already ahead of him.

"Guys, I don't think that's a good idea!" Leo called up after them. "What if you fall?"

"We won't!" Mikey sang, looking around the trunk at Raph, who was scowling in concentration as he tried to keep hold of the slick bark. "Right Raph?"

"Uh… yeah… we'll be fine!" Raph agreed quickly, halting with two feet on a large branch, gripping two others tightly with his hands. Well, this was a dead end, how was he supposed to get any higher? And more importantly, how was he supposed to get down? A beat, then two.

"Um, Raph you okay?" Mikey was back, and Raphael glanced at him, feeling slightly sick. "Take that as a no?"

"Um…" Raphael glanced down at the group of spectators, it had grown smaller but was still there. Of all the trees they had to pick. "How am I supposed to get down? Fly?"

"Oh…," Mikey said, cringing a bit. "I forgot, um… Just do what I do," he suggested, then took his foot off a branch and dropped it down, Raph watched warily as Mikey carefully started down the tree, much slower than he'd gone up.

"Thanks." Raph breathed out softly. "Um… don't tell anyone about this…"

"No problemo," Mikey replied with a cheesy grin. Raph started down after him, carefully stepping on each branch.

"Are you giving up already?" one kid called up.

"I moved the ribbon!" Mikey called back. Silence. Raph grinned.

"How far didja move it?" he asked as they worked their way down.

"Two branches up," Mikey replied. "Then I realized you were stuck and came down."

"I wasn't stuck," Raph said defensively. "I was resting." Mikey just grinned as they approached the bottom, then jumped out of the tree and did a somersault on the grass. Raph smirked, dropping down next to him.

"Toldja I could do it!" Mikey boasted happily, folding his arms.

"Yeah yeah, you're great." Leo laughed, holding up his phone. "But we gotta head home, guys. Mom and Dad want to talk to us."

"Alright." Mikey got to his feet, beaming happily. They started home and Raphael followed, a small smile on his face. The day so far had been somewhat surreal, because it was the first day in a while that had actually been good.

* * *

 _ **What'd you think? An okay fluff chapter? When will it all go wrong? COME TO SEE US NEXT TIME AT JELLY IS A MESS**_

 _ **I'll probably have a chapter out on Friday, but I also have a concert then so no promises. Sorry :(**_

 _ **Thanks for reading and please review!**_

 _ **Until next time,**_

 _ **-Jelly**_


	16. If You Can

_**F-F-Friday! It's Friday, you guys! I haven't been to school for two days because of a mental breakdown, but it's all good because I've been watching Dan and Phil videos all day. ANYWAY *laughs nervously* This chapter gets intense again… DUN DUN DUN Also it's gonna have a cliffhanger so get READY.**_

 _ **To Only Hope No Fear: yes, *evil laughter* that comes to an end soooooon MWAHAHAHA**_

 _ **To AkimiiTheWriter: your first statement confuses me and is also offensive and I'm not sure how you meant it. *laughs nervously* April? Oh yes, the side character that is FOR SURE in this fic! Hahahahaha (I'm really sorry I don't think she's incorporated here… she just didn't have a place in the plot… I'm sorry…)**_

 _ **To Raigon: I feel like you are so suspicious but you should be lol. Thanks!**_

 _ **WARNINGS: reckless Mikey, mentions of abuse, self-deprecation, cliffhanger**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT**_

 _ **And now, enjoy!**_

* * *

"And I call _this_ one the super jump!" Michelangelo said, flipping his skateboard around under his feet, flying from the homemade jump he'd gotten from the storage unit. Raph was watching from the porch, eyes wide. How the heck? Leo saw his expression and grinned.

"He's a maniac." he agreed. "Right Mikey?"

"Booyakasha!" Mikey yelled, pumping a fist in the air. Raph raised a brow, leaning forward slightly.

"What did he just say?" he questioned softly. Leo laughed.

"That's Mikey for ya, he's been yelling it since we were kids. Like he's some kind of superhero," he explained, leaning back on his hands as they watched Mikey skate around the street. Raph sighed absently, one leg jumping up and down.

"This one…" Mikey called as he readied in front of the jump again. "I was working on for two years,"

"Here we go," Leo said under his breath.

"And through hardship and injury," Mikey continued like he was making a grand speech. "I give you…" he started forward, flying off the jump. "The death dragonnnnnn!" about two seconds later, he biffed it and tumbled across the asphalt. Leo stood up quickly.

"You okay Mikey?" he asked, walking toward his brother. Mikey sat up, rubbing his elbow.

"Yeah," he said, getting to his feet with a grin. "Guess I'm outta practice."

"No kidding." Leo retrieved his brother's skateboard from where it had rolled and handed it back. "How bad is it _this_ time?" Michelangelo already had several cartoon character band-aids on his knees and hands, not to mention a large one across his chin. Part of Raphael admired the fact that the kid kept going, and going, and _going_. He understood that, though in a completely different circumstance. Another part of him wanted to grab Mikey and shove him on the couch, wrap him in blankets and turn on tv shows so that he never had to get hurt. Now, _that_ was a strange feeling. Mostly because it was new, different. Just like almost everything else. Like wearing clean clothes every single day, and 'free time'. Not to mention brushing his teeth morning and night and eating three times, at the very least, every day. But all of that just seemed so normal to the others… Raph couldn't say he wasn't a bit jealous.

"I'm fine, brah!" Mikey sang, skipping around. "Not even bleeding, lemme try again!"

"I don't think so," Leo said, to Raphael's slight relief. If he had to watch Mikey hurt himself one more time, he might just take himself up on that earlier idea. "You've had enough for one day."

"You say that like it's candy." Mikey protested but followed Leo to the porch anyway.

"Any more tries and you'll be a walking band-aid." Leo elaborated. Raph grinned. Mikey, for his part, didn't really seem all that put out.

"Alright, let's go for gold!" he yelled suddenly, grabbing his board and high tailing it around toward the jump. Raph laughed as Leo spun, trying to grab his brother's arm.

"Hey, Mikey!"

"Booyakasha!" Mikey hollered, jumping onto his board and riding around, then going off the jump again. "Can't stop the hero!"

"Mikey!" Leo said, walking over. "Michelangelo, come on!"

"I'll be careful!" Mikey yelled. Raph watched him go off the jump again, wobbling dangerously but not falling.

"I mean it, Mikey!" Leo said, holding out his hands. "And it's almost time for lunch." Mikey ignored this, skating up to the end of the block and back. Leo sighed, standing in the street and watching him. Raph tilted his head back, staring up at the sky as long as he could without getting blinded by the sun. Then he glanced down at his arms, wondering when they'd changed from pale and bruised to a deep healthy tan. It was so weird, almost surreal. Raph knew for a fact he'd last been yelled at about a month ago, same with being struck or hurt in any way. A month, a whole month. That was a long time. A year ago, he'd worry about being alive in a month.

"Lunchtime!" Mikey yelled, running up the steps past Raph, who stared out at the street with a blank smile. Someone called a social worker had been coming once a week for the past four, checking up on him and talking. It was interesting, and kind of nice he had to admit. The social worker never brought up anything bad or scary, just asked him how he was doing and if he liked it here.

"You coming?" Leo asked, pausing in the doorway.

"Yeah," Raphael said, staring at the horizon for a moment longer. "Be there in a sec, save me some?"

"You bet." Leo went inside. Raph sat out in the sun for a bit, looking around the yard. This was the weirdest feeling, even weirder that he knew what it was and it was still odd even after a month. Raph felt safe. A grin broke over the teen's face and he stood, brushing off his hands on his pant legs as he walked inside. Donnie and Yoshi were on the couch, watching the TV. Raph nodded awkwardly when Donnie waved brightly, then walked past them into the kitchen where Shen, Mikey, and Leo were making sandwiches.

"Do you want salami?" Leo asked, spreading mayonnaise on a piece of bread. Raph blinked, then shrugged.

"Sure, thanks." he agreed, walking to the cupboard and pulling out a few cups. "Do we have juice?" of all the new things he'd gotten to try foodwise, juice was a favorite. Leo laughed.

"Yes, we do Raphael." Shen said softly, "in the fridge."

"Alright." Raph walked to the fridge and quickly retrieved the juice, walking to the counter next to the others just as Shen started talking.

"I was thinking that sometime this week we would go back to school shopping." Raph wasn't overly concerned about that, seeing as he didn't go to school anymore. "The four of you need new clothes and backpacks." now Raph frowned slightly. Maybe they didn't know about him and school.

"You don't need to worry about me," he said quickly, pouring juice in a few cups, careful not to spill. They all looked at him. "What?"

"Well, Raph you do need a backpack," Leo said, frowning. Raph shook his head.

"I don't go to school," he explained. Their surprise and Shen's sadness made him worry. What did he do?

"Why not?" Mikey asked, then took a big bite of his Michelangelo Supreme. Raph shrugged.

"I dunno… I'm too dumb for school I guess," he said, hoping they'd stop asking. After all, they had all been smart enough to stay in this long hadn't they? Especially Donnie.

"You are not too 'dumb' for school." Leo shook his head. "No one's too dumb for school, that's the whole point of school."

"But Father-" Raphael stopped himself, feeling like the floor had fallen from beneath him. Of course. That had just been another lie. "I gotta go." he turned, trying not to let them see his face.

"Raph, wait!" Leo called, but Raph just hurried up the stairs, trying to figure out how long he'd actually believed that he was simply so stupid the school kicked him out. Since he was six. Eight years. Raph clamped his eyes shut when he reached the top of the stairs. Leo was behind him, not saying anything as he walked up after Raphael. Ugh, this was embarrassing. Raph knew the last time he'd talked about Father had been weeks ago… had it really? How could he move past everything when he still believed an eight-year-old lie. "...Raph?"

"I don't…" Raph shook his head slightly. "I don't get it, Leo." there was a pause, and Leo gently put a hand on Raph's shoulder. Raphael opened his eyes, looking over at him.

"What don't you get?" Leo asked softly. Raph looked away now, wanting to do anything but talk about his past.

"I don't… I don't understand why he always lied to me," he said softly. Leo remained silent for a moment, and Raph sighed, leaning against the wall. "I don't understand why he did _anything_."

"Raph…" Leo took a deep breath, and Raph was sure he was upset. That was something he noticed about the Hamatos, they got upset about these things easily.

"And he's still out there." Raph continued, voice softer. "I don't get it."

"I'm sorry." Leo said, "I really am Raph."

"It's not your fault," Raph said in annoyance.

"I know, I'm just sorry it all happened," Leo explained, smiling sadly. Raph shook his head, looking anywhere but at the other boy. "Do you wanna talk about school?"

"Not particularly." Raph sighed, running a hand through his hair. Leo nodded in understanding, and they stood there in silence for a moment. "It's just that… I used to go to school. I was like six when I stopped. I thought... Well, _he_ told me that only smart kids got to go." Raph sighed softly, rubbing his face tiredly. "He said they kicked me out because I was too stupid." Leo didn't say anything. "That's why I can't read and write very well. I just kinda assumed that you guys were really smart, to make it this far and not get kicked out." he covered his face in his hands. "I'm such a flipping idiot."

"Raph…" Leo took a breath. "Raph, no you're not. It's not your fault, he lied to you. He… that… he did a lot of things to you, that I really don't understand." Raph snorted. "I mean it, Raphael. But you… you were smart enough to figure out what was wrong with the whole situation, you were brave enough to stand up to him, and… and you're still going." Raph looked over at him, searching Leo's face. He'd gotten to know the Hamatos pretty good recently, and he knew Leo meant everything he'd just said.

"Thanks," Raph said softly, still watching Leo.

"Do you want lunch?" Leo asked, obviously uncomfortable. That made sense, he wasn't used to Raphael making eye contact with him. That was one thing Raph was supposed to be 'working on'.

"Yeah." Raph turned away, walking down the stairs.

"Um, alright." Leo followed, and Raph tried to avoid looking at anyone as he sat at the table where his sandwich was.

"Don't wanna talk about it," he mumbled at Shen's questioning look.

"Alright," she said, smiling sadly as he picked at the food. Raph sighed, closing his eyes. He could tell they were staring at him, and it was starting to tick him off, just a bit. But if there was one thing that he didn't want to do at the moment, it was get mad about something so stupid.

* * *

"Do you ever wonder…" Raph paused, glancing over at Mikey, who had looked up from his comic in curiosity. "Why we do things?" now he just looked confused.

"What are you talking about? What things?"

"Like…" Raph mulled it over in his head. "What people tell us to do. Like you and the guys, you just… do what your parents want." Mikey frowned.

"Yeah, cause they're our parents," he said blankly. "What are you talking about Raph?"

"I dunno," Raph said, sighing heavily. "I was just thinking… how I always did what he said, but that was because of different reasons… you don't have that reason."

"I guess not," Mikey said, seeming baffled. "...why do I do what they tell me?"

"Ah, forget I said anything," Raph said quickly, realizing how disastrous Mikey thinking it through could be. "I'm probably just delusional." a beat.

"Okay." Mikey looked back down at his comic, humming a bit as he turned the page. Raph looked back at where he'd been staring at the ceiling, frowning slightly. After a moment Mikey spoke again. "But why _do_ we-"

"Oh great." Raph put a hand over his face. "Mike… don't think about what I was talking about like I said, I'm crazy remember?"

"But-"

"You do it because you're a good kid, alright?"

"Oh, I guess," Mikey said, then took a breath. "But why-"

"Mike!"

"Well, sorree you're making me think deeply!" Mikey said waspishly, folding his arms. "It's not like I chose to!"

"Whatever." Raph sighed, shaking his head. "Just forget I said anything."

"I can't!" Mikey whined, Raph shrugged.

"Tough." he chuckled. Mikey sighed and tossed his comic aside.

"Raph, I'm bored!" he declared. "Do you wanna go to the park or something? I could show you my skateboard!" Raph hesitated. He was sorely tempted to accept that invitation because he really did want to learn how to use those things. Then again, did he want Mikey to teach him? That would be kinda embarrassing.

"Um…"

"Come on bro, we can go to the park!" Mikey batted his eyelashes and Raph laughed, getting to his feet.

"Yeah okay." he agreed. Mikey cheered, jumping to his feet.

"Yes! Let's go, you can borrow Leo's skateboard he won't mind!" the kid said, running down the stairs. Raph grinned and followed him.

"Shouldn't we tell your Mom where we're going?" Raph asked as Mikey grabbed the two boards from the hall closet. Mikey frowned, glancing to the kitchen.

"Oh yeah, I guess so." then he tilted his head back and took a deep breath. Raph covered is ears, knowing what was coming. "MOM WE'RE GOING TO THE PARK SEE YA LATER BYE!"

"Ow," he said pointedly as Mikey flung the door open. Mikey giggled, stuffing Leo's skateboard into Raph's hands. Raph grinned and jumped down the steps after him. "Alright, let's go."

"Watch me, my student!" Mikey said, throwing down his skateboard and putting one foot on. "You wanna start off slow, watch."

"I am," Raph said, watching as Mikey pushed off with one foot, then put both on the skateboard. "That looks easy." Mikey just laughed, and Raph rolled his eyes.

"It just depends on your sense of balance!" he said, skating circles in the street. "Try it out and then we can go to the park!"

"Alright." Raph dropped the board gently, then put a foot on, scowling. This seemed so natural for Mikey, what if it wasn't for him? Well, only one way to find out. "Here goes, I guess."

"Dude you got this!" Mikey said, giving him a thumbs up. Raph grinned and mimicked Mikey's movements. His eyes widened in wonder, then he grinned.

"Hah! I told you I could do this!" he boasted, Mikey grinned and skated off toward the park. Raph followed. He couldn't remember a time he was grinning this much, and he loved it. Raph let out a whoop as he caught up to Mikey near the park, Mikey laughed.

"You sure you never did this before?" he asked.

"Yeah," Raph said. His cheeks were starting to ache, but he didn't care. This was a lot of fun, more even than climbing the tree. The two boys skated onto the pathway in the park, and Raph glanced at the large tree. He could see the red ribbon fluttering in the breeze. Mikey skated ahead of him and went around the corner of a hedge.

"Catch me if you can!" Mikey yelled. Raph grinned wider, but it fell immediately from his face when he heard Mikey scream.

* * *

 _ **HAHA, you thought you'd get some fluff? Maybe some bonding? YOU DIDN'T SEE THIS COMING AND JUST WAIT 'TILL THE NEXT CHAPTER. MWAHAHAHA. ANyway, yeah! That's it for this week, I'll be back on Tuesday! Thanks for reading and Please review!**_

 _ **Until Tuesday,**_

 _ **-Jelly**_


	17. I Was Scared

_**This chapter…. Ooooof this chapter. Yikes. This is really intense, and I think a certain reviewer with a grudge against a certain villain (AkimiiTheWriter I'm looking at you lol) is gonna freak out so I should brace myself for that lol. Anyway, yeah. BRACE YOURSELVES!**_

 _ **To Flora Of The Elementals: what happened to Mikey you ask? You'll see. You'll probably be horrified. You'll probably hate me, Oh well.**_

 _ **To Only Hope No Fear: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Here's that update you so desperately begged for! Don't hate me pLEASE!**_

 _ **To Shaymandy: ah yes…. Kittens…. *looks at chapter* that is definitely exactly what happened. Of course. You're psychic. *evil laughter***_

 _ **WARNINGS! BIG WARNINGS!: screaming (caps lock), Violence, Guns, Threats of violence, !Sexual Assault! mentions of sexual assault, violence, abuse, and paranoia**_

 _ **PLEASE BE CAREFUL STAY SAFE YOU GUYS I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO GET HURT READING THIS**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I Don't own TMNT**_

 _ **And now… TRY to enjoy this….**_

* * *

"MIKEY!" Raphael felt a burst of terrified protectiveness and he stumbled off the skateboard before running to the corner. When he turned it, Mikey wasn't there. "MIKEY!" where was he? Was he playing some kind of sick prank? What had happened? Raphael felt himself begin to hyperventilate and clamped his eyes shut. "Mikey, get out here now please!" his voice cracked, and then he heard the terrified whimper off to his left. Raphael's eyes shot open and he plunged into the bushes. "MIKE!"

"Well hey, there cockroach." Raphael froze, eyes wide. No way. They weren't supposed to find him here! They couldn't! Tears burned into Raph's eyes as he turned slowly. His eyes widened.

"You." he choked out. Hun laughed from where he was holding Mikey to his chest, an arm across his mouth to keep him from screaming again. Mikey's bright blue eyes were wide in terror and filled with tears. "L-le-let him go!"

"Aw, but I like him," Hun smirked, Raphael felt a thrill of terror. No. Not Mikey. No way was he going to let this sick monster do that to Mikey.

"Let." Raph felt a stir of fury in him and clenched his fists. "Him." he took a step forward, eyes cold. "GO!" Hun's eyes widened slightly in surprise, then he backed up and Raph stared in terror as he fumbled with Mikey's jeans. "NO!"

"Come and stop me then." Hun taunted. Raphael surged forward, feeling all fear leave him as he rammed into the man. He released Mikey in surprise, and Raph thrust himself between them, eyes narrowed.

"Never touch him again!" he hissed, then gasped as Hun grabbed him and forced a kiss on his mouth. Mikey screamed. Raph struggled, mind flashing back. No no no no no!

"HELP HELP HELP!" Mikey was screaming, and sobbing uncontrollably. Raph brought his leg up and kicked Hun in the chest. He tripped backward, wiping off his mouth. Hun laughed, pulling out a gun. Mikey screamed again.

"Little cockroach, your father's looking for you," he said, a sadistic grin on his face. "He didn't say anything about this other boy, maybe I'll be allowed to keep him." his eyes glinted. "As a little pet." Raphael shuddered, putting himself between Hun and Mikey.

"Never!" he snarled. Mikey was sobbing into the back of his shirt, and Raphael felt horrible. He'd agreed to come. Mikey wouldn't have been hurt if he'd just not wanted to come. "Stay away from us!"

"I could kill him instead," Hun said, aiming the weapon carefully. Raphael felt a thrill of terror. He was smaller than Mikey was.

"N-n-no!" Raph choked out. The anger and rush of recklessness he'd felt were all but gone now, and Mikey sobbed pitifully into the back of his shoulder. "P-please don't!"

"Well, since you said please," Hun smirked.

"R-Raph…. I wanna go home…" Mikey whimpered. Raph didn't answer, he couldn't tear his gaze away from Hun's horrifyingly hungry one. "R-Raph…!"

"M-Mike…" Raph just shook his head. What was he supposed to do? Hun laughed cruelly, holding his gun toward them as he stepped forward. Raph shrunk back against Mikey.

"Both of you will live if you do exactly what I tell you," he said, slightly sarcastically. Raph narrowed his eyes.

"We supposed to believe you?" he snapped. Whatever this feeling was, in his chest, he liked it. Hun laughed, then suddenly darted forward like a snake and grabbed Mikey's arm again. "MIKEY!" Hun chuckled and held the gun near Mikey's head. Mikey quivered in terror, unable to make any noise.

"Now little cockroach, you just sit there so that this one doesn't get hurt." he scolded. "Once I'm done with him we can go see your father." Raph's eyes widened in horror, but he didn't dare move as Hun stepped back, lowering Mikey down. Mikey squeaked in terror, eyes wide. Raph grimaced. He had to do something!

"HELP!" he screamed, louder than he'd ever screamed before. "HELP!" Hun turned to glare at him and Raphael's voice died in his throat. But he could hear faint footsteps on the sidewalk. Faint voices. Someone heard him. Hun, for his part, didn't hear those.

"You stay quiet, little roach." he snarled.

"That's Mikey's board…" someone was saying beyond the hedge. Mikey sobbed loudly. "Mikey!" Hun's eyes widened and he glared at Raph. Before he could say anything, someone was crashing through the bushes. Raph watched with wide terrified eyes as Yoshi rammed into Hun, slamming him against a tree.

"You stay away from my sons!" he snarled. Mikey sobbed and scrambled over to Raph, hugging him tightly. Raph returned the embrace, choking back sobs of his own.

"Raph, Mikey!" Leo was on his knees in front of them, eyes wide. "Oh my… oh my gosh… Mikey…"

"Who the heck is that?" Donnie was asking. Raph hugged Mikey tighter. The younger boy was shaking and sobbing in terror even as they heard sirens. "Dad, who is that?"

"I do not know," Yoshi said from where he was holding the man in an immobilizing headlock. "But he was harming your brothers."

"H-H-Hun…" Raph breathed out. "H-he-he's the one…" Leo's eyes widened in indignant horror and Raph was sure he stopped breathing for a moment as he looked between Raph and Mikey. Mikey was still sobbing.

"No… _no_!" Leo choked out. Raph clamped his eyes shut.

"He didn't do anything… I don't think…" he softly breathed. Mikey sobbed.

"Oh my gosh." Leo hugged them both tightly. Raph opened his eyes. Yoshi was pulling a grumbling Hun out of the bushes and Raph shivered in terror.

"How did he find us…?" Donnie whispered. Raph's eyes widened. How _did_ Hun find them? How did they know? Mikey was still sobbing, and it didn't seem like he'd stop anytime soon.

"Mikey…" Donnie gently rubbed Mikey's back. "Mikey hey…. It's okay now."

"D-Dee…" Mikey whimpered. "H-he was gonna… he tried to… I…"

"I know little brother," Donnie said, voice thick with fear. "I know." then Tang Shen was there, helping the four boys back to their feet. Raphael didn't question her loving embrace, he just leaned into it and closed his eyes. This was all his fault. He wasn't sure how, but it was.

"My sons," Shen said softly. "Let us go home."

"M-m-mom…" Mikey sobbed. Raph moved away so that he could hug his Mother, and Shen sniffed back tears. "Mom… I…"

"Shh, it is alright Michelangelo," she said softly. Raph backed away, hugging himself miserably. Donnie put a hand on his shoulder, eyes haunted. Raph met his gaze, chin trembling.

"Raph…" Donnie took a breath before opening his arms. Raph hesitated but flung himself into the older boys embrace, finally letting tears spill from his eyes.

"I… I didn't know what to do…" he choked out. "H-he had a gun… I tried to stop him… I tried… I swear I tried…" He had to explain. He had to let them know he hated the idea of Mikey being hurt.

"I know." relief flooded into Raphael's heart as he heard Donatello's honest voice. "I know Raph."

"My family." Yoshi was back, sounding exhausted and terrified. Raph opened his eyes warily. "The man is gone, we must return home."

"H-he's gone…?" Mikey whimpered softly.

"He'll never get near us again Mikey," Leo said from near his younger brother. "I promise he won't." Mikey just whimpered slightly. Donnie wrapped his arms around Raphael's shoulders, which was slightly awkward seeing as Raph was a whole head shorter than him.

"Come on guys, let's go home."

* * *

Mikey was huddling close to Raph on the couch, and for once the redheaded teen didn't mind. He draped an arm over Mikey's shoulders as the younger boy snuffled in his sleep, he was avoiding everyone's eyes. A policeman had accompanied them home and was talking to Yoshi and Shen in the kitchen. Leo and Donnie were on the other couch. Raphael looked toward them now, wincing at their shocked and concerned faces.

"...I'm sorry guys." he finally whispered, looking away again.

"For what?" Leo asked, Raph shrugged a bit and looked at Mikey's troubled face. "Raph, what do you have to be sorry for? Mikey said… he said you stopped him."

"I…" Raph clamped his eyes shut. "If you guys didn't come… I… I couldn't have… I froze up… I…" his voice broke. "He was gonna kill Mikey…" Raph buried his face in his hands, trying to hold back sobs. "He pointed a gun at him…. I… I couldn't do anything…"

"Raph, it wasn't your fault," Donnie said softly. "You… you stopped him from hurting Mikey. From what you told us earlier, you only froze up at the end. You were there for him when we weren't."

"But I-"

"Raph, no one blames you," Leo said firmly. "Alright?"

Raph didn't answer, he just looked over at Mikey. After they got home and relayed what had happened - with some major breakdowns on both their parts - to the police and the adults, he'd cuddled up next to Raph and fallen asleep almost instantly. Raph suspected that sleep was some kind of defense mechanism Mikey used, to avoid his problems. Raph wasn't looking forward to when Mikey was forced to wake up and face them again. Something inside Raph told him that even when that happened, Mikey wouldn't blame him either.

"Alright." he breathed out, clamping his eyes shut. After a few seconds, Leo took a deep breath.

"What about you, Raphael? Are you okay?"

"I…" Raph opened his eyes and looked over at them, shaking his head. "I don't… I don't know." Leo got up and walked over, Raph watched him warily.

"Raph…" Leo just looked at him. Raph buried his face in his arms. Leo let out a slow breath and put a hand on his shoulder. "You saved Dad, you protected Mikey, heck, you've saved us again and again. You know you're basically family, right?" Raph hiccuped slightly, lifting his gaze to look at Leo, then he shook his head. Leo's face fell. "What do you mean?"

"I…" Raph clamped his eyes shut and shook his head. "You aren't… I dunno." he blew out a slow breath. He couldn't explain it, but whatever this was was way better than any family he'd ever had. Maybe that was the problem. "Guess I just wouldn't know."

"Oh…" Leo immediately looked awkward, and Raph felt a twinge of guilt. So he turned to watch Mikey, who was burrowing his head into Raph's side.

"But I guess…." Raph smiled a bit. "If this is Family then it's awesome." Leo's face lit up when he said this, and Raph sighed softly, feeling like a weight was taken from his shoulders.

"That's cheesy," Donnie said with a grin. Raph made a face at him. Then he looked over as Yoshi and Shen walked in. He winced at the weariness in their features, unable to fend off his guilt.

"He fell asleep," Leo said, looking over as well. Yoshi sighed wearily and ran a hand down his face, then he looked at Raph. Raph stared at the floor, shoulders hunched slightly.

"Raphael, I again thank you." the man said softly, Raph closed his eyes. "You have helped our family many times." How could they say that? It was Raph's fault that Hun had found them at all! If Raph hadn't come to live with them, the Hamatos would be safe. He'd only helped the Hamatos once before being taken, which was when he found out what Father had done. Anything after that, he caused all those disasters. "Raphael." the man gently lifted Raph's chin and he opened his eyes, searching Yoshi's face for any kind of blame. There was none. "Everything will be alright." Raph sniffed, then shook his head.

"H-he's looking for me…" he choked out. "He wants me back…" Yoshi's gaze hardened.

"He will not get you back, Raphael," he promised firmly. "I will not allow it."

"Although," the officer spoke up from the kitchen doorway. They all looked over. "There is the fact that Hun found you." Raph felt a thrill of fear and hugged his knees tightly. Leo bit his lip.

"Do we have to move, again?" the question hung in the air for a bit and Raph buried his face in his arms.

"That's to be determined." the officer stated. "I just got off the phone with my colleagues, they have the man in questioning. It's possible that Oroku Saki doesn't know where you are, that Hun hadn't passed that information along yet. If that's true, you should be alright. Until we know for sure, we will have surveillance around your house and in the neighborhood."

"What if he does know?" Raph choked out.

"Hopefully…" The officer paused. "Hopefully we can get his whereabouts from Hun in questioning. And if he tries anything, we'll know."

"Alright," Yoshi said. Raph kept his eyes clamped shut unhappily. "Thank you, officer."

"We'll also be searching for how Hun located you." The officer continued. "But he won't ever get out of prison, he has a lot of federal charges against him." Raphael felt slight relief at that, knowing that one of his tormentors was out of the picture. Then again, Father and Takeshi were still out there.

"Thank you, a hundred times over," Yoshi said. Raph could feel his tiredness and relief, his fear. "What must we do now?"

"Well my partner and I will be outside in our cruiser, doing some surveillance." the officer stated, resting a hand on his belt. "It's important, especially just now, to make sure you and your family stay safe. We suggest staying indoors for the rest of today."

"That won't be a problem," Yoshi said. Raph knew he was looking at him and Mikey. "Very well then, I'll see you to the door." Raph heard footsteps, and he breathed deeply as he heard the front door open and then shut. The silence hung in the air then, thick and heavy. Beside Raph, Mikey rolled over.

"What day is it?" the kid mumbled softly. Leo snorted.

"It's the same day, little brother."

"Haha, goodnight." Mikey burrowed his face into Raph's side again. "Wake me up tomorrow please."

"Mikey…" Donnie sighed. Raph opened his eyes and looked over at the younger boy, whose face was screwed up tightly as he tried and forced himself to sleep. "Alright, little brother."

"I will bring him upstairs," Dad said, gently lifting Mikey from the couch. Mikey wrapped his arms around the man's neck, and Raph was slightly impressed that Yoshi could lift the younger boy. Shen took Mikey's place on the couch almost instantly, wrapping one gentle arm around his shoulders.

"Raphael." she said softly, "how are you feeling, my son?" her son. Raph sighed and shrugged a bit.

"I dunno…" he mumbled softly. "I just… I was scared." Shen gently stroked his hair back over his ear, humming a bit.

"I know. You are very brave, Raphael," she said softly. Raph just buried his face in his arms, choking back sobs.

"I… I was _really_ scared," he whispered. "More scared than I've ever been in my entire life."

* * *

… _**I mean, I warned you…. 0_0. How many death threats will I (or characters in this book) receive in the reviews? Oof, I'm worried about my safety now lol kidding. I have a special bunker for times like this to keep me safe from you guys! ANYWAY…. Hope I didn't traumatize anyone! Thanks for reading and please review!**_

 _ **Until Friday,**_

 _ **-Jelly**_


	18. Had To Believe

_**Death threats to Hun: 3.**_

 _ **Death threats to me: 1**_

 _ **Whew. At least you still hate him more XD. Yep! I'm back, it's Friday, and I kinda wanna die and/or kill something right now but whatever. This chappie's full of fluff and angst! YAY.**_

 _ **To AkimiiTheWriter: first off…. Wowwwie. I love your emotions lol. Second, it's totally alright. I know some people have a different sense of humor, no hard feelings! 3**_

 _ **To Only Hope No Fear: Lol, peaceful? Suuuuure! Jk he gets a happy ending I promise. I'll be watching, running when you come to kill me. Good luck.**_

 _ **To Skye7Diamond: lol it's totally alright. I'm just happy you're reading! Thanks for the review!**_

 _ **To Shaymandy: I try not to write too graphically, but I have done in other fics. Glad you weren't too scarred by this lol, I just wanted to be safe with all those warnings**_

 _ **WARNINGS: PTSD, mentions of violence, mentions of sexual assault/abuse, food mentions (recently saw this as a warning so figured I may as well), all the good stuff you already know about.**_

 _ **DIsclaimer: I don't own TMNT**_

 _ **And now, enjoy!**_

* * *

Mikey kept his eyes closed, even though he knew he wasn't going to be able to fall back asleep again. He wasn't sure what time it was, but the last time he woke up it was night outside. Now he felt sunlight on his face, so it must be the next day. The boy groaned and rolled over, pressing his face into the pillow. He couldn't stop thinking about what happened, which is why he wanted to go back to sleep. Unfortunately, he'd probably gotten the world record of forced sleep without chloroform by now. Hmm, where could he get some chloroform? Ugh, Mikey screwed his eyes shut.

He didn't want to think about what happened. He didn't want to think about Hun, or Raph, or anything that happened. Mostly because now he knew what had happened to Raph that no one would tell him. Why couldn't they just tell him? Mikey shuffled his legs slightly, scowling deeply. If he'd known, he could have been just a little more sensitive to his brothers' problems. Gosh… if Mikey felt this horrible now - after almost nothing had even happened - how must Raph feel?

Mikey sighed and opened his eyes. He was facing the wall, but he could tell it was late morning, maybe even afternoon. The boy yawned widely and sat up. His stomach rumbled and Mikey smirked a bit. Classic, that the first thing he wants is food. Mikey sighed and got to his feet, rubbing his eyes. He could dimly hear voices downstairs, everyone else was already awake. Mikey opened his door and stared tiredly as Leo jerked upward, looking around.

"Wha…?" Mikey giggled at his brothers' confusion. Scratch that, now everyone else was already awake.

"Did you sleep there all night?" Mikey asked, tilting his head to one side. Leo rubbed his eyes and nodded. Mikey grinned and pulled his older brother to his feet, then embraced him. Leo stood there for a second, then hugged Mikey tightly.

"Mikey…" he took a shuddering breath. "Mikey, you okay?"

"A little hungry," Mikey said with a grin, ducking under Leo's arm and heading to the stairs. Leo laughed.

"Of course you are," he said, following Mikey closely. Mikey skipped down the stairs and into the kitchen. Almost immediately, Dad was in front of him, gently cupping his face in his hands.

"Hey, Dad," Mikey said, closing his eyes for a moment. "That's my face." Dad chuckled, resting his hands instead on Mikey's shoulders.

"How are you feeling, my son?"

"Hungry." he and Leo spoke in unison, and he heard Donnie let out a snort of laughter. Dad smiled thinly, patting his shoulders. Mikey smirked and turned to the fridge. He grabbed a jug of milk and walked to the table, trying not to look at everyone even though he knew they were all watching him in the corner of their eyes. Everything felt so weird and wrong and normal all at once like it shouldn't be normal. He just felt so weird, ugh. Mikey lifted his head and suddenly realized that two people were missing from the room.

"Hey, where's Mom and Raph?" he asked curiously, suddenly worried. "Is he okay?" a pause. "Dad?"

"Raphael was very upset about what happened." Dad finally answered. "He is outside, on the balcony." Mikey nodded, guessing that Mom was up there with Raph. He rubbed the milk handle with his thumb, frowning thoughtfully.

"...but is he okay?" he finally repeated the question. "Should I go see him? I was kinda avoiding talking to everyone yesterday, maybe I-"

"Mikey, it's okay." Leo put a hand on his shoulder, smiling sympathetically. Mikey frowned deeper.

"But I-"

"Raph's okay," Donnie stated. "Mom's with him anyway, he'll be fine."

"But…" Mikey sighed and poured himself a bowl of cereal. "Fine." Mikey glanced at the clock, surprised to see it was one in the afternoon. "...why did you guys leave the cereal out this long?"

"Because we knew you'd want some when you woke up, dork." Leo elbowed him and Mikey grinned.

"Haha." he stuck out his tongue, then sat down and started eating. It felt like everything he did was so weird and carefully done, like it took hard thinking to move every single muscle.

"So how are you really feeling?" Donnie asked. Mikey glanced at him and put a mouthful of cereal in his mouth to avoid answering, then shrugged. "C'mon, Mike." Mikey swallowed the mouthful, wincing. Then moodily stabbed at the bowl with his spoon.

"I dunno… fine I guess." that was a lie, he was anything but fine right now. But he didn't want them to worry about him, they already had so much to worry about. Mikey had heard the conversation with the police officer when he was waking up a bit on the couch. Then he took a deep breath and looked up at them, eyes searching each of their faces. "Why didn't you _tell_ me?" no one spoke and Mikey sighed softly, staring down at his cereal.

"Mikey, you don't-"

"What?" Mikey asked, wringing his hands. "Don't understand? Well, of course, I don't, I thought there was something wrong with me because I kept giving Raph panic attacks! If you'd have told me I would have known, and I just-"

"There's nothing wrong with you," Leo said, putting a hand on Mikey's shoulder again. He squeezed it comfortingly and Mikey shook his head.

"Yeah, well everyone else knew and they didn't give him panic attacks!" he muttered, folding his arms. "Raph and I are the same age, guys. I'm not stupid, if you'd have just told me _something_ then I could have been, I dunno, a little more sensitive to how he felt?"

"Michelangelo," Dad said gently, walking over. "I am sorry you were left in the dark. Raphael did not want anyone to know, not even us. I assumed it would be better to not tell you two. But Donatello figured it out on his own." Mikey looked to his brainiac brother, who was intently staring at the tabletop.

"Okay." he finally said. "But why didn't you, I dunno, tell me after I made him freak out? I felt really bad," he mumbled the last part, staring down at his hands.

"I am sorry, my son," Dad said again, voice soft. "We should not have kept this from you." Mikey sighed, then forced himself to shrug casually and start eating again.

"Well," he said after swallowing another bite. "At least now I know." In retrospect, that was not a great thing to say, his brothers and father flinched, and Mikey ducked his head. Why did he say that? Ugh, he was such an idiot sometimes! Mikey put down his spoon, feeling tired all over again and not hungry at all. He actually felt like throwing up, to tell the truth.

"Mikey…" Leo hugged him gently. "I'm sorry." Mikey sniffled, looking away.

"It's alright," he said softly, wringing his hands.

"No, you're right," Leo said, stepping back. "We have been treating you like a little kid, and that's not okay." Mikey rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, maybe because I like being a little kid." he poked his brother in the forehead. Leo smiled. "Just… not that little." not anymore, at least. Mikey bit his lip, stirring his cereal.

"You gonna be okay?" Leo asked softly. Mikey shrugged.

"I guess so," he mumbled, feeling tears prick his eyes. Oh great, he was gonna break down right after he said he wasn't such a little kid. Real convincing, Mike. He'd cried enough yesterday, why couldn't everything just be okay now?

"Oh, Mikey…" Leo let Mikey wrap his arms around him as tears started flowing. "I'm here, little buddy." Mikey sniffled, clamping his eyes shut. He shuddered, remembering every detail of what had happened. He hated it, he hated all of it. It was hard for Mikey to hate things, but he hated it with all of his heart. Why did he have to think about it, now of all times? Every word, every touch, every sensation.

"Leo…" Mikey whimpered as he sobbed into his brothers' shirt. Leo hugged him tightly, and Mikey felt horrible. He was trying, he was trying so hard.

* * *

Raph leaned against the railing with his arms folded on top of it. He'd been staring at the backyard for so long he had basically memorized it. He memorized the pattern and colors of the stripes on the hammock, and he knew how many branches each of the two trees had. He could tell that one of the boards on the back fence was loose, but he still wasn't distracted enough. Shen was next to him, but he knew she was watching him, and not the backyard. He let out a slow breath, closing his eyes. He couldn't stop thinking about Mikey, but he didn't want to go see him. He knew the kid was awake, they'd heard him and Leo go downstairs. Raph just felt so guilty, and he didn't know why. He just knew it was his fault, somehow.

"Raphael."

"Yeah?" Raph didn't look over at Shen when she spoke to him, he couldn't look her in the eye.

"What happened was not your fault." Raph sighed and closed his eyes, hanging his head. How did she know what he was feeling? It was like she was psychic, only Raph knew she wasn't.

"I guess." he lied evasively. Shen gently reached over and put a hand on his shoulder. Raph forced himself to look at her, but not in the eyes.

"Raphael."

"Mrs. Hamato…" Raph sighed and closed his eyes again. "Mikey wouldn't have gone to the park if I didn't go with him. Hun wouldn't have been there if I wasn't staying with you. I just don't understand how it couldn't be my fault." Shen didn't say anything for a moment.

"It is not your fault," she said softly. Raph sighed. "It is Saki's fault." Raph rested his head on his arms.

"Yeah, but-"

"Raphael, please listen to me," Shen said firmly. "When I say listen, I mean I want you to really understand. Can you do that?"

"Yeah."

"You did not want Michelangelo to be hurt," she said softly. "You did not want any of this to happen, did you?"

"No." Raph breathed softly, holding back sobs. "But I still-"

"Raphael, listen," she emphasized the word, and Raph nodded. "It is not your fault, because you were not the one to instigate these events. Do you understand?"

"...what does instigate mean?" Raph asked softly. He felt like such a flipping idiot, ugh.

"It means you did not tell anyone or do anything to make this happen," Shen explained gently. "That was all other people, who wanted to hurt you."

"Oh," Raph said, resting his chin thoughtfully on the railing. He stared out at the yard again, recounting the branches.

"Do you understand, now?"

"I think so," Raph whispered softly, feeling relief sweep through him. Maybe, just maybe, Tang Shen was right. Maybe it wasn't his fault at all. "Thank you." Raph took a shuddering breath and turned back to the house as if he could stare through the solid walls and floor into the kitchen, where Mikey was probably eating cereal by now. He wanted to see Mikey, but at the same time, he didn't. Because Mikey knew, now. He knew what happened, and Raph didn't want people to know. Even his - dare he called Mikey a little brother - knew now. That was basically everyone Raph cared about. Yoshi, Shen, Leo, Donnie, and Mikey. A small smile crossed his face.

"Would you like to go inside now?" Shen asked gently, once again reading his mind.

"I…" Raph swallowed thickly. "Kinda…" he looked at the ground, but Shen wrapped a gentle arm around his shoulders and they started toward the balcony doors anyway. Raph took a deep breath before they stepped inside. When they reached the top of the stairs he grimaced. Mikey was in the kitchen alright, he was crying. She squeezed Raph's shoulders gently and he nodded, starting down next to her.

They entered the kitchen and Raph felt tears start to well up in his eyes. Mikey was clinging to Leo desperately, sobbing into his shirt. Leo looked completely lost and upset. Yoshi and Donnie hovered near them, obviously unsure. When they entered, Yoshi looked over. Raph blinked away tears and lowered his head. He stuffed his hands into his pockets and tried to compose himself. He knew what he wanted to do, what he should do, but he was scared to. He wanted to go hug Mikey, tell him everything was going to be okay. But even though he felt more at home here than he ever had anywhere else, he knew he wasn't really Mikey's brother.

"Raphael, my son." Yoshi breathed softly, making Raph choke up a bit. Wasn't he? Wasn't he Mikey's brother, if he was Yoshi's son? Raph stepped forward and gently hugged Mikey, and Leo since Mikey was basically being held up by the older boy at that point. Mikey gasped, then turned and clung to Raph the same way, still crying softly. Raphael had no idea what to do, so he just hugged Mikey back, trying not to cry as well.

"R-Raph…!"

"Hey, Mikey," Raph said softly, clamping his eyes shut. "I'm okay." why he felt like he had to say that, he didn't know. "We'll both be okay. Okay?" Mikey giggled through his tears.

"Heh… okay…" he whispered, taking deep breaths. "Thanks, Raph." Raph just took a deep breath, hugging Mikey tightly. Mikey's sobs were winding down now, into large hiccuping breaths.

"It was nothing." Raph finally replied, ruffling Mikey's hair. Mikey sighed softly, burying his face into Raph's shoulder, but not crying anymore. Raph let a small smile cross his face and gently rubbed the younger boy's back. Everything was going to be okay, he had to believe that.

* * *

"Yeah, but why X?" Raph asked, staring at the controller with a scowl. It went from A and B to X! How did that make sense? Just because he was stupid didn't mean he didn't know the alphabet.

"I dunno, that's just the way it is," Mikey said, rolling his eyes. "Why does it matter?"

"Well is there a C?" Raph asked, raising a brow. "No, there's not! These things are stupid!"

"Hey, Video Games are the best!" Mikey pointed a controller at him, playfully scowling. Raph groaned.

"Yeah, but the controllers are stupid!"

"I think they have X because it's like… X marks the spot." Leo offered from where he was reading. Raph looked at him.

"Well what the heck does _that_ mean?" he said loudly, staring at the controller. "Why would X mark anything?" no one said anything and Raph looked up. Of course, that was something everyone knew except him. Why not. "Well?"

"Y'see, in Pirate stories," Donnie said from behind his computer. "The pirates leave clues to where they bury their treasure. And X on a map is classically the end, the treasure."

"But why X?" Raph grumbled.

"I don't know." Donnie finally replied. Mikey gasped.

"Whoa, even Donnie doesn't know!" he giggled. "You broke the system!"

"Ugh." Raph slumped back into the couch, closing his eyes. "I'm never going to understand anything. This sucks."

"Hey," Mikey elbowed Raph gently. "Don't be like that! You still have your whole life to figure this stuff out!" Raph grunted unhappily. "You aren't a quitter, are ya?"

"No, I'm just taking a break," Raph said, opening his eyes. "My brain hurts."

"Yeah well, you asked." Leo pointed out. Raph rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, because it doesn't make any sense!"

"Here." Mikey grabbed the controller from Raph's lap and got up. Raph sat up and watched him run upstairs, brow raised.

"What is he doing?" he asked. Both Donnie and Leo shrugged. A few minutes later Mikey returned, beaming happily, and handed Raphael a newly vandalized controller. Raph looked at the sharpied on letters and smirked.

"Oh yeah, that helps," he said sarcastically. "Thanks, Mikey."

"No problem!" Mikey sang, un-pausing the game. "To select, press 'C'." Donnie facepalmed, but Raph snickered and hit the button.

"You two are crazy," Leo grumbled.

"You can think that," Raph said as he scowled at the screen. For years he'd wanted to know how to play, maybe he should have just left this specific desire untouched for a while.

* * *

 _ **There, a fluffy happy ending. I feel like shit so I'm not gonna say much here. Hope you enjoyed, thanks for reading, please review.**_

 _ **Until Tuesday,**_

 _ **-Jelly**_


	19. Lie To Me

_**OMG. HOW ARE WE SO CLOSE TO THE END? WE'VE GOT THIS CHAPPIE, NEXT CHAPPIE, THEN THE EPILOGUE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! That's insane! I love this fic, I really do. This chappie gets pretty intense, just to Y'all know. Still gonna put the warnings in a minute.**_

 _ **To Raigon: lol, unfortunately it's not gonna be continuing for much longer. SORRY! *hug* I feel alright…**_

 _ **To StoryAdict: k. Take a breath. It's all good! I love you no matter what, and I'm glad you're okay! I'm glad you're still reading, too lol. You never have to apologize for missing an update or being busy. Okay? *hug***_

 _ **To AkimiiTheWriter: to be honest… your review confused me. But if you must know, I have a mental illness you probably have heard of called Clinical Depression. I'm working through it but Friday was just an off day for me…but thank you so much for saying I'm a good writer? That did help a lot! I think your writing will be amazing if you stick with it, trust me. Reading old stuff I wrote is like death by cringe lol. Would be cool to meet some of you guys in real life though! 0-0**_

 _ **To Only Hope No Fear: ah yes… peace… for sure….;D**_

 _ **To Skye7Diamond: you'd be right, here comes the STORM MWAHAHAHAHAHA**_

 _ **WARNINGS: Flashback to sexual assault (a bit more graphic but like not really… I think…) mentions of sexual assault, vomiting, self-deprecation, yelling (one bit where there are caps lock on but only for a sec)**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT**_

 _ **And now, enjoy my lovelies!**_

* * *

 _Michelangelo screamed when a hand caught his arm and pulled him off his skateboard, into the bushes. What the heck was going on? Someone slapped their arm over his mouth, and Mikey whimpered in terror. Then a hand shoved down his pants and Mikey tried to scream again, thrashing around._

" _Hey there blondie." a cold terrifying voice hissed. "You're really cute."_

" _MIKEY!" Raph was there, he was so close. Mikey was dragged farther away from the bushes as the man groped him. Mikey whimpered in terror and tried to wiggle away. "MIKE!" Mikey whimpered again, but he knew that any moment Raph would crash through the bushes and save him, he had to. But he didn't. The man dragged Mikey back into darkness, and Mikey screamed past the flesh on his arm, trying to stop what was happening. What was happening?_

" _Just stay still would ya?" Mikey screamed, knowing what the man was going to do to him, but unable to stop it. Where was Raph? He should be here by now! Mikey struggled against the mans hold as he was pushed down onto the dirt, tears streaming from his eyes. No, no no no! Make it stop, please make it stop! Mikey felt the man start to pull off his jeans and screamed again, then his eyes shot open._

Mikey sat upright, eyes wide as he grabbed the covers. His eyes filled with tears and Mikey clamped them shut as if it would help stop his sobbing. He drew his legs up to his chest and hugged them tightly. He told them nothing had happened, after all, nothing _had_ happened. Not… not really. Michelangelo shuddered and let go of his knees long enough to pull his comforter tightly around him, over his head. Ugh, he felt like he was gonna throw up.

Mikey threw the blanket off of him and stumbled to the door, clamping a hand over his mouth. How he made it past Raph's room and around the corner to the bathroom, Mikey had no idea. But at least he didn't puke right in the middle of the hallway.

"Mike- Mikey!" Mikey blinked away tears and turned to look at Leo, who was staring at him in horror. "Oh my gosh, Mikey are you okay?" Mikey sniffed, wiping off his mouth with the sleeve of his pajamas. He shook his head. He scooted back away from the toilet and buried his face in his arms. Someone knelt beside him, Leo most likely, and wrapped their arms around him. "Mikey, it's okay. I'm here."

"Leo…" Mikey whimpered softly, clamping his eyes shut. "I…"

"Shhh." Leo gently rubbed Mikey's back. "It's okay, Mikey."

"B-but-!"

"I know little brother, but it'll be okay," Leo said, obviously holding back tears. "It's okay."

"B-but he… he was gonna…" Mikey sobbed into his arms, hunching his shoulders slightly. Leo made a small keening noise as if he was trying to hold back the same kind of cries.

"I… I know Mike. but he didn't… we got there." Mikey nodded, shoulders shaking. "We'll always get there, okay little brother?"

"B-but what if…" Mikey shuddered as he remembered his dream. "What if you _don't_? What if...heck, what if…."

"Mikey, never." Leo tightened his hug and took a deep breath. "That will never happen. I promise I'll always be there for you."

"But you _weren't_!" Mikey regretted that as soon as he said it and started to sob harder. "N-no… no one…"

"Buddy, Raph was there for you," Leo said through tears. "And then we got there. Don't you worry."

"I…" Mikey finally returned Leo's hug, getting his pajama shirt wet with tears as he sobbed. "L-Leo…. He- he was gonna… he almost…. L-Leo…" Mikey clung to Leo tightly, sobbing uncontrollably. He could feel Leo's tears seeping into his own shoulder, but didn't care. It was about time Leo let these out. "A-and Raph- and I just-"

"Shh, Mikey." Leo rubbed Mikey's back gently. "It's okay little bro."

"I-I-I…" Mikey buried his face in Leos' chest, shaking his head. "It's not… it's not okay…."

* * *

Raphael backed into his room, eyes filled with tears. What was he supposed to do? Raph put his hand in his mouth and bit it so he didn't start crying out loud. This was all his fault, Mikey wouldn't be this upset if he wasn't here. None of them would be this upset, actually. Raphael clamped his eyes shut and pressed against the wall, choking back sobs. Mikey was right, Raph had been too terrified to do anything to help him. And now look at what happened, the poor kid was traumatized. Raphael hiccuped behind his hand.

He had to get out of here. He'd given it a chance, he'd stuck around for a while, and this was obviously not working out. Raphael took a deep breath and pulled his hand away, rubbing his eyes. The thought that he was leaving seemed to calm him down a lot. Raph crossed to the closet and pulled out the duffel bag he'd gotten from the hospital. He didn't have a lot from the Hamatos since they'd not gotten a chance to go shopping before he screwed this all up, but he needed to take something at least. Raph froze when he heard Mikey and Leo going past his closed door, into Mikey's bedroom. He was going to have to be really quiet if he didn't want everything to hit the fan.

He heard Leo start singing and bit his lip, but set the bag gently on his undisturbed bed. Then he crossed to the closet and grabbed a pair of jeans, then a red tank top and his leather jacket. It was terrifying how loud everything sounded, but Leo kept on singing and no one opened his door. Raph stuffed the clothing into the bag and glanced around. What else did he need? His eyes fell on the new book Donatello had gotten him when they moved in. It wasn't thick like the ones the others would read, and the slightly cartoonish cover made him think it was probably for kids, but Raph grabbed it anyway and glanced at the title. He paused, mouthing the sounds out to himself as he tried to figure out what it was called. Boxcar Children. What the heck was that supposed to be? Raph shrugged and put the book gently in the bottom of his bag.

"You okay now Mike?" Raph froze when Leo stopped signing and talked to Mikey.

"...I guess." Raphael felt like he'd been stabbed at the way Mikey sounded. He gasped and clamped his eyes shut, hugging himself.

"Okay, I'm gonna head to my room. You tell me if you need anything." Raph's eyes widened and he shoved the bag under the blanket on his bed, wrinkling the smooth surface. Then he lay on top of it, facing the wall. Sure enough, Leo's footsteps stopped just outside and the door slowly creaked open. He heard Leo sigh heavily. Raphael clamped his eyes shut as tears slipped out of them. He heard the door start to close again and couldn't stop himself from rolling over and meeting Leo's eyes. Leo halted.

"Hey," Raph whispered hoarsely.

"Did I wake you up?" Leo asked, wincing a bit. Raph shook his head. He sighed and sat up, making sure that Leo didn't see the bag underneath the blanket. Leo walked in and sat on the chair to Raph's desk, eyes searching. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Raph lied softly, staring at the floor.

"Were you sleeping at all?" Leo asked, Raph lifted his head and looked at Leo through his bangs. Then he shook his head.

"No." he whispered. "I didn't."

"You gonna?" Leo asked, eyebrows raised. Raph shrugged.

"Maybe," he said softly. Then he took a deep breath. "Mikey okay?"

"He will be," Leo said with an obviously forced smile. "You?"

"I'm fine," Raphael said, the lie he told every single day. Leo looked at him doubtfully and Raph lay back down. "Guess I better try to sleep huh?"

"Yeah," Leo said, standing up. "See you in the morning Raph."

"Yeah." another lie. Raph was really on a roll with the lies today. Geez. Leo walked out and closed the door behind him. Raph listened to his footsteps and then the snap of his bedroom door. He had to leave, tonight. Raph waited for a few minutes, then sat up and pulled his bag out. He made sure he had the clothes and the book, then glanced around again. He really didn't need anything else from here… Raph frowned. But maybe he should get some food. He grit his teeth and sighed softly.

Raph knew to steal was wrong, and he didn't want to hurt the Hamatos. But he'd already hurt them enough. He sighed and zipped up the bag, then slung the bag over his shoulder. Raph walked to the door and gripped the handle, listening intently. The house was creepily quiet, and Raph slowly pulled the door open. Raph glanced back once more at 'his' room. If things were different, he might stay. But he should have run when he had the chance, a long time ago.

Luckily, Raphael was very light on his feet. He had to be, living with Father all those years. So he made it downstairs to the kitchen with no problem. It was also lucky he'd gotten used to the dark because someone would notice if he turned on a light. Raph grabbed an apple and a banana from the fruit bowl and stuck them in the side pockets of the bag. He didn't want to take a lot, he didn't want to rob these guys. He'd done enough to them already. Raph slung the bag over his shoulder again and walked to the back door. He gripped that handle as well, feeling his eyes burn with tears. So this was it.

After everything that had happened, after all the times he'd considered running and convinced himself that things would be okay now, he was finally leaving. Raph felt like his chest was ripping itself in half, but he pulled the door open and darted into the backyard, closing it behind him softly. Then he tensed, waiting for some kind of alarm or screaming or light to turn on. It didn't. The yard stayed just as quiet, just as dark as before. Raph turned to the back fence, trying to remember which board was loose. He ran across the yard into the darkness, feeling like he left half of himself behind.

* * *

When Leo woke up, he instantly knew something was wrong. Leo rolled out of bed and stumbled to the door, pulling it open. Sunlight streamed through the windows right into Raph's open bedroom door. Leo sighed and rubbed his eyes. He'd probably just jolted himself awake, everything was fine. But he couldn't shake the terrified feeling in his gut. He walked past Raph's door and glanced in, smirking at the messed up bed covers. He wondered with a frown how much sleep Raph had actually gotten. Ah well, he'd just ask when he got downstairs.

No one was in the game room. Or the kitchen. Or the living room. Or the bathroom. Leo hurried through the house, looking in every single room. Something was wrong, he'd known it the moment he woke up. Raph was gone, he was gone! Leo sprinted up the stairs back to Raph's bedroom, not caring that he was probably waking his entire family up while he did so. A closer look at Raph's room told Leo what he already knew. The bed was messed up, but not enough to have been slept in. The book Donnie had given Raph was gone, and so were his shoes, clothes, and a duffel bag. Raph was gone.

"Leo, what are you doing in here?" Leo turned and looked at Donnie with wide eyes. His twin yawned tiredly, "it's like… six AM. Where's Raph?"

"He's gone." Leo felt his voice crack. "He ran away, Donnie he's gone!" Leo went running past Donnie, but the other boy grabbed him.

"What do you mean he's gone?" Donnie demanded. "Why would he run away, Leo?"

"I don't know!" Leo said loudly, "but he took his stuff, Donnie I thought he was past this!"

"Did he run away before or something?" Donnie asked.

"He wanted to." Leo yanked away from his brother and ran down the stairs, skipping them three at a time. Dad was stumbling from his bedroom, seeming confused.

"Leonardo- Leonardo!" he grabbed Leo and Leo looked up at him. "What is going on?"

"Raph's gone," Leo said, trying to get to the stairs again. "He's gone, Dad!" Dad stared at him for a moment, then let go of Leo's shoulders and followed him downstairs.

"Raphael!" Dad said loudly, cupping his hands around his mouth.

"His bag and his clothes are gone." Leo choked out, staring at Donnie numbly. Donnie stared back. "I can't believe he ran away." why would Raph leave now? After weeks, he thought Raph was over that.

"Where would he go?" Donnie asked, hugging himself. "Why would he leave?"

"Yoshi, what is going on?" Mom asked, coming down the stairs. Dad hugged her tightly, obviously upset.

"Raphael has run away," he said softly. Mom's eyes widened.

"Why would he leave?!" Donnie asked again, louder. Leo turned to his twin, shaking his head. Donnie seemed to be way more shocked than Leo was, then that's when Leo realized he was the only who'd known that Raph thought about running away often.

"We gotta find him." Leo choked out, putting a hand over his eyes. "He-he's gonna get himself hurt." or killed. Leo felt a chill. "His dad's looking for him… Dad, we gotta find Raph!"

"We will," Dad said, pulling out his phone. "Do not worry, my sons. We will find your brother." Leo clamped his eyes shut, shaking his head.

"We gotta tell Mikey," Donnie said, staring at the ceiling like it was his worst nightmare. "How are we supposed to tell Mikey?"

"Oh my gosh." Leo leaned against the wall. "Dad, what are we supposed to do?"

"We are going to find Raphael," Dad said, stepping into the kitchen as he lifted the phone to his ear. Leo took a shaky breath, holding his hand over his eyes.

"What's going on?" Leo's head snapped around to the stairs, where Mikey was standing in his pajamas. "Where's Raph?" no one answered and Leo could literally see as Mikey understood what had happened. "Mom. _where's Raph!_ "

"He…" Mom turned away, and Leo knew she was crying. "Raphael has run away."

"No, he didn't," Mikey said, retreating backward up the stairs. "You're lying."

"Mike, listen-" Leo stepped forward.

"Don't call me that!" Mikey said, voice growing louder. "No one called me that until we met Raph, only Raph can call me that!"

"Mikey!" but Mikey turned and ran up the stairs. Leo and Donnie sprinted after him. "Mikey, hold on a second!"

"Raph!" Mikey yelled, voice shrill in terror. "Raph where are you?"

"Mikey, wait!" Leo grabbed Mikey's shoulders and Mikey whimpered. Leo spun him around quickly, staring his brother in the eyes. "Just… calm down a second. _Please_."

"I don't believe you," Mikey said softly, eyes shining with tears. "Raph wouldn't leave me."

"We're gonna find him, Mikey," Donnie said, joining them. "We're gonna find Raph, and everything's gonna be okay."

"What if we don't?" Mikey asked, pulling away from Leo and backing toward the stairs to the bedrooms. "What if Saki finds him first? He'll kill Raph. _He'll kill him!"_

"Mikey, take deep breaths," Donnie said, reaching to grab Mikey's arm again. "We're gonna find him, I promise. We won't let anything happen to Raph."

"You're lying," Mikey said, lip trembling. "You _always_ lie to me! Stop LYING!"

"Mikey!" Mikey yanked away from both of them and ran up the stairs. Leo stared after him in dismay. What just happened?

"Mikey!" Donnie ran up the stairs after him, and Leo collapsed back onto the couch, tears pooling in his eyes. Everything was going wrong, everything. And there was nothing he could do about it.

* * *

 _ **Lolz please don't kill me! I have so much to live for! I still haven't met Dan and Phil! Or Thomas Sanders! Or been to the moon! Also, just wait until Friday! It's gonna be a doozy…. Mwahahahahaha. Thanks for reading and please review!**_

 _ **Until Friday,**_

 _ **-Jelly**_


	20. Family Reunion

_**So. A lot happens this chapter. It's basically the end, though there is a short prologue coming next week. In the midst of an anxiety attack, but I'm not skipping posting today. So that's all I have to say.**_

 _ **To Only Hope No Fear: I love you but this review was very triggering to me. I'm very glad you enjoyed the story but please try not to put things like that in reviews anymore.**_

 _ **To Skye7Diamond: lol are you in for a fun emotional ride this chapter. I think he gets the idea eventually.**_

 _ **To AkimiiTheWriter: I'll tell you that there is a death this chapter. And yeah, it does suck. But I can handle it…. Mostly. I can 'get better' but it's in my genetics, so I have the risk of being depressed my entire life. Lucky me!**_

 _ **To StoryAdict: awe *hug* I'm sure I'll start another fic soon… I may take a break, though, for mental health reasons. Glad you love it so much!**_

 _ **To Shaymandy: Someone dies. But there's a happy ending… and I may not be able to post on Christmas but we'll see.**_

 _ **WARNINGS: Violence, Guns, death threats, death, hospitals, ambulance, mentions of abuse, etc.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT**_

 _ **Here we go.**_

* * *

Raphael kept his eyes trained on the ground as he walked along the sidewalk, hands stuffed in his pockets. What was he doing? Where the heck was he supposed to go now? He could barely read, how was he supposed to live alone? Sure, alone was better than it was with Father, but Raph could have stayed with the Hamatos. Well, not really. He couldn't keep putting them in danger like that. Now, if Father wanted to find him, he wouldn't attack the Hamatos again. Probably. Raphael shuddered at the thought. Then he froze, eyes widening in surprise. Raph quickly knelt and scooped up the change into his hands, quickly trying to do the math. He had no idea how much money that was, but it might be enough for him to get on some bus. He could get farther away from the Hamatos faster if he did. Raphael glanced around and stuffed the change in his pocket. Now he just had to find a bus stop, and then he'd have to figure out where the heck he was going.

Raph tightened his hold on the bag and started walking again. He didn't really know where he was, but he knew that bus stops were usually somewhere there were restaurants and stuff. Or something. Raph groaned and ran a hand down his face. He was completely useless. He could literally do nothing without someone's help. Well, he'd just have to figure out how to, that's all.

"Are you lost?" Raphael's head jerked up and he stared uncertainly at the person in front of him.

"Uh…." he glanced around at the unfamiliar street. "Yes."

"Do you need help?" the man reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

"I uh…" Raph took a step back and they let go of his shoulder. "I'm… looking for the bus stop. I'm… meeting a friend…" He avoided their eyes, biting his lip. He was good at lying, but he wasn't expecting anyone to ask him questions after he left the Hamatos.

"Oh, that's easy. Turn left at the next corner and then cross the street," he said, pointing down behind them. Raph blinked and looked up at him. "The next bus comes in about ten minutes I think."

"Okay."

"Are you sure you're okay?" he asked as Raph walked past him. Raph hesitated and looked back at him. They seemed honestly concerned.

"I… I will be," he said with a small smile. "Thank you."

"No problem." with that, Raphael ran off in the directions they'd said. Sure enough, he found the blue and white sign across the street after he turned left. Raph sighed heavily and dropped the bag next to him on the bench, then sat down. Where was he supposed to go? He couldn't even read very well, how was he supposed to even know when he got to wherever he wanted to end up? And where did he want to end up? Raph groaned, burying his face in his hands. This sucked. He was such an idiot, but he had to stay away from the Hamatos. Otherwise, who knew what would happen?

Raphael gasped and his head shot up as a large familiar hand grabbed his shoulder. Oh no… how could he be this stupid? He knew the guy was looking for him! And even after everything, Raph still remembered what his father's touch felt like.

"And where's a boy like you running off to this fine morning?" Dad's voice asked, sinisterly calm. Raph felt his breathing start to speed up in panic but forced the panic away.

"I-" the hand tightened painfully and Raph whimpered.

"Did I give you permission to speak, boy?" Raph didn't say anything. "That's right. Now you will get up and do exactly as I tell you, and we can pretend none of this ever happened. Understand?" none of this. Raph closed his eyes. They'd never moved to New York, they'd never met Tang Shen, they'd never strayed from the norm. How could he live like that again, after finally getting used to things now? He nodded.

"Good. get up." Raph obeyed and Father steered him roughly away from the bench, leaving his bag behind. Well, at least now Raph didn't have to worry about Donnie's book again. The car they were heading towards was low and sleek, and black. It sent shivers down Raph's spine, and he wasn't sure why. As they got closer, Raph realized that everything he'd been working so hard to do was going down the drain.

All the trust he'd been building, the confidence, the love of being alive, gone. Just because he was such a stupid idiot. Raph took a shuddering breath knowing that as soon as they weren't in public he'd get the beating of a lifetime.

Right as they reached the car, a loud wailing siren sounded behind them. Raph nearly jumped out of his skin before he realized what it could mean for him. Father swore, gripping him tighter. Raph looked back toward the bus stop, his eyes widened when he saw the man who'd given him directions standing there before Father slammed his head against the car. Raph cried out in pain, thrashing against him.

"Let me go!" he screamed, Father growled and yanked open the car door.

Before Raph could understand what was happening he was shoved inside and Father followed, and the car sped off through the street. The siren was still wailing behind them, and Father was yelling something but Raph wasn't sure what it was. Everything was happening too fast for him to comprehend. Someone grabbed Raph's arms and his eyes widened as Takeshi shoved him to one side, pulling out a gun as he did so. Crap, crap CRAP! But the man barely even looked at him as Raph hyperventilated on the floor of the vehicle, instead he rolled down the window and leaned out, firing a shot behind them. Oh geez…

"What did you do!" Father yelled, grabbing Raph by the front of his shirt. Raph shook his head, trying to hide the tears in his eyes.

"I didn't-"

"What did you do!" he yelled again, shaking Raph. Raph grimaced, wiggling away from him as more shots fired outside the car.

"I didn't!" he said loudly, "I swear I didn't!"

"You filthy little liar." Father hissed, throwing him back down between the seats. "Do you want me to go to prison?" Well, when he phrased it like that… Raph clamped his eyes shut and forced himself not to say the sarcastic reply.

"Why are you doing this?" he finally whimpered, then grunted in pain as Father kicked him. Part of Raphael wanted to shrink back, let it all play out. But the other half knew doing that would only end badly. He opened his eyes. "I mean it, why?"

"Shut up, you useless piece of-" Father ducked as a bullet crashed through the back window. Raph gasped, getting closer to the floor.

"I could kill him now, Saki." Takeshi snarled angrily, glaring at Raph. Raph's eyes widened.

"Or you could… not," he suggested, terrified. Father glared at both of them.

"Takeshi, you know your role!" he yelled, reaching to grab Raph's arm. Raph struggled in his grip, but Father had always been stronger than him.

"Let go of me!" he growled, yanking away. Father glared and grabbed him with both hands, pulling him up onto the seat before pinning one arm across his neck.

"Stop this car at the next street." he snarled to whoever was driving. Who was driving anyway? Probably just some thug and it really wasn't what Raph should be worried about. The car suddenly stopped moving, and Father pushed the door open. He pulled Raph out and turned to face the police cars, there was now three. Raph gasped as Father pressed a gun against his temple.

"If you shoot, I'll kill this boy!" Father yelled at the cops, who had exited their vehicles. Raph grit his teeth, shoulders shaking. "This is none of your concern!"

"Oroku Saki, you are a wanted criminal!" one of the police officers called back. "Release the hostage and put your hands in the air before this gets out of hand!" before? Raph rolled his eyes. It seemed pretty out of hand to him. Father cursed under his breath, Raph heard him cock the gun.

"I will kill him!" he screamed, arm tightening against Raph's throat. "His blood will be on your hands!"

"Just wait, just calm down sir." one of them called. "There doesn't have to be any violence, we can settle this easily if you'd just calm down." Raph closed his eyes. He was going to die. Father was going to kill him, just like he'd always promised. If only Raph had just stayed at the house… what? Father might have come and killed the Hmatos just to get to him. Maybe this was better. He forced his eyes open. But that didn't mean he couldn't make it hard for the old man.

"Let me GO!" Raph screamed, smashing his head backward toward Fathers chin. Father grunted, his hold loosening just long enough for Raph to slip out. He scrambled away, screaming as he heard a gunshot ring out after him. The bullet whizzed by his shoulder and Raph stumbled in fear as Father cursed. Raph tripped and tumbled to the ground, scraping his hands and arms.

"Put your hands in the air!" someone was yelling as footsteps rushed past Raph, someone knelt next to him but he just closed his eyes. Everything was too loud, and too fast, he couldn't focus on anything.

"Kid, kid, look at me." someone was holding his head, and Raph blinked blurry eyes open. "Are you alright?" Their voice sounded drowned out like he was underwater. Which Raphael did have experience with, now that he thought about it. "Are you alright?"

"Who're you?" Raph mumbled, pushing them away and trying to sit up. He fell back down to his elbows though, grunting in pain. "Ahh… that hurts."

"Just hold on." the warped voice was saying as Raph heard more sirens, but no gunshots. "We're going to get you home. Just hang in there."

"...yeah…" Raph mumbled, black dots appearing in his vision. He was in shock, most likely. Not to mention he hadn't slept at all the night before... He was tired. "Just… gonna take a nap…" that seemed like a good idea.

"Wait- wait no-" Raph closed his eyes and let himself fall back onto the asphalt, dropping into the welcoming darkness.

* * *

Leo watched the casket get loaded onto the hearse, then rubbed his tired eyes. Well, today sucked. He looked over at Donatello next to him, who wasn't really looking at anything. Leo would have been surprised if his twins head was a busy as it usually was, he knew how much Donnie cared about Raph. Leo himself could barely think of anything, how could Donnie or Mikey be feeling? Leo turned away from the window entirely now, running a hand through his hair.

After Raphael had run away, everything went downhill really fast. With Mikey getting upset, and then them finding out what happened with Oroku Saki… it was a miracle none of them had had a heart attack yet. Then again, Leo glanced up at the door across the hall. That was still a possibility. No one would tell them what happened, and only three people were allowed in there at once. So, he and Donnie got the short end of the stick. Lucky them.

"If he wasn't dead, I'd kill him," Donnie muttered under his breath. Leo looked at him in surprise. He knew Don wasn't a fan of the guy, none of them were. But Donnie was also the least violent.

"Well, at least he beat you to it." Leo sighed. "You don't need that on your record." Donnie shrugged. Then punched the seat of the chair unhappily.

"Leo, are you kidding? How can you joke at a time like this?" he snapped. Leo winced. "You know what he did to Raph! And to Dad, it's not funny!"

"I know it's not funny," Leo muttered, looking away. "I'm just…" he sighed, burying his face in his hands. He finally looked back up at the door, just in time to see it fly open.

"Guys!" Mikey said, grinning widely. "Raph's waking up!" they were immediately on their feet.

"Is he okay?" Leo asked, peering in through the doorway.

"I think so, but me and Dad will trade you guys," Mikey said, skipping out into the hall. Dad followed, looking exhausted but happy. Leo and Donnie hurried in. Raph was on the bed, rubbing his eyes wearily.

"What hit me?"

"Raph!" Donnie said, face lit up happily. "We're so glad you're okay!"

"Yeah, me too," Raph mumbled, letting his hand drop as he looked at them, then glanced at Mom. He seemed upset, which was understandable… and ashamed. Leo clenched his fists unhappily at the thought. "Sorry I left."

"It's alright." Mom said softly. "You're safe now, Raphael." Raph smiled a bit, glancing at them.

"So… they got him?" he asked, sitting up with a wince. "They got… they got him?"

"You could… say that." Donnie trailed off, folding his arms. Raph frowned, eyes darting from side to side worriedly.

"...they didn't?"

"That's not what he meant," Leo said quickly, elbowing Donnie gently. Donnie sighed. "He meant that Saki won't be bothering anyone anymore." Raph frowned, then nodded and Leo saw the realization in his eyes.

"Oh… well alright then," he mumbled, brushing hair out of his eyes. "...anyone care to tell me why I'm back in the hospital? I wasn't very hurt." he frowned. "That I can remember."

"Well, we're not sure," Donnie said, tapping his chin. "The doctor said something about your heart, which is strange since you're so young. But then-"

"What." Raph shook his head. "Donnie, you do realize I barely know anything right? As far as I know, even young people have hearts." Donnie facepalmed and Leo laughed a bit.

"Just forget it." Donnie sighed. Raph nodded, looking around the room again. Then the door opened and the doctor walked in, reading over a paper on his clipboard. Then he looked up and smiled, going to stand near Raph who looked at him warily.

"Hello Raphael, I'm glad to see you're feeling well," he said.

"Hi…" Raph said softly, reverting into somewhat of a shell.

"Do you have any information?" Mom asked, eyes wide. The doctor nodded. He pulled a chair over to sit near Raph before speaking.

"I'm not sure how much you were told," he said, addressing Raph. "but the paramedics suspected you were having a heart attack after you escaped." Raph scowled, obviously not understanding. Leo bit his lip worriedly. "That's why you were admitted."

"A heart attack?" Raph wondered. "I thought only like… old people had those. Unless I'm thinking of something else…"

"Well," the Doctor held up a hand. "Usually yes, heart attacks occur in those with coronary disease and or old and weakened heart muscles."

"Okay…"

"However," the doctor said with a small smile. "I can assure with a hundred percent certainty that you didn't have a heart attack at all." Leo frowned, glancing at Donnie, who was wide-eyed in some realization.

"I'm really confused right now." Raph sighed, hanging his head.

"That's alright, it's not a very well known phenomenon." the doctor said. "You may have heard of "giving someone a heart attack"? Well, that's actually something we call broken heart syndrome or Stress cardiomyopathy."

"Ohhh." Donnie breathed softly, so only Leo could hear. Leo raised an eyebrow, but Donnie just shook his head.

"Basically, when you're overstressed and or have a spike in adrenaline, your heart panics." the doctor said simply. "And stops working very well."

"Will Raphael be alright?" Mom asked, eyes wide.

"Well, there's never really been someone as young or as small as he diagnosed with this," the doctor said with a small frown. "So we aren't sure. As far as we know, there are no lasting repercussions on the heart or body, and he should be alright to go home within a few days."

"Oh great," Raph said unenthusiastically. "I get to stay at the hospital again."

"But you're alright," Leo said, rubbing his head. He almost felt like crying in relief. "And it's going to be okay."

* * *

 _ **Did I trick any of you with that last time skip? I hope so. Please review, but try to keep death threats and… that… to a minimum. My mental health isn't great rn.**_

 _ **Until Next Time,**_

 _ **-Jelly**_


	21. Epilogue

_**This is really cheesy, but I don't really care. I've been in a pretty chipper mood all day, which has been nice because I found out that a person I have a pretty major crush on likes me back - which sounds like some fanfiction sh*t but it was honestly so cute how they told me. ANYWAY, I'm not here to talk about that, I'm here to give you the epilogue! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS IS OVER!**_

 _ **To Skye7Diamond: HAHA, I fooled you with that I see. I honestly considered just killing him, but I'm a sucker for happy endings! 3 Thanks for your consistent support friendo!**_

 _ **To Only Hope No Fear: hey, it's okay. I'm fine now, and you didn't mean to do it. We're all good :) Idk when my next fic will be, but I'm glad you're looking forward to it! 3**_

 _ **To AkimiiTheWriter: haha, yeah. Depression probably isn't something I'll 'get over' but I do have an appointment tomorrow to test me for ADHD, which could be contributing. Lol, and I wouldn't be surprised. I'm flattered that you really like me, though! Makes me excited for when I finally publish a real book! And lol, glad you liked the ending.**_

 _ **To Raigon: I didn't include a lot of that… sorry 0-0 maybe I can add a few bonus chapters in a while, with some more of Raph's recovery! 3**_

 _ **WARNINGS?: idk. Trees.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own TMNT**_

 _ **And now, the TINY epilogue I wrote!**_

* * *

Raphael dropped down onto the grass, grunting a bit on impact. He stood straight and turned to peer up through the branches, stuffing his hands in his pockets. It was strange, after everything that had happened this was what made him feel accomplished the most. Raph grinned.

"There you are!" Raph turned, smirking as Leo ran across the grass. "What are you doing over here?"

"I was…" Raph looked around the park, then shrugged. "Taking a walk." Leo raised his eyebrows, then shrugged.

"If you say so," he said. "Well, we've been looking for you."

"That much was obvious." Raphael grinned, walking with Leo back toward the house. "Why?"

"Oh, maybe because no one knew where you went." Leo rolled his eyes. Raph frowned in mock indignation.

"Leo, I haven't run away in months!" he said, putting a hand on his chest. "I've learned my lesson, honest."

"Yeah, we know," Leo said. Raph nodded.

"Yeah of course you know, you were just worried because I wanted to have some time to myself," he said, tapping his temple. "Got it."

"Okay, maybe I was a little worried," Leo confessed as they reached the street. "But still." Raph snorted, turning a bit to look at the tree, he grinned. "What were you even doing here?" Leo asked, oblivious.

"I told ya, I was taking a walk," he replied, still looking at the small flutter of scarlet he saw.

"Fine, be that way," Leo said, starting across the street. "I see how it is."

"I didn't think you could be sarcastic," Raph said in admiration. Leo laughed. "Do you really wanna know?"

"Yeah, I do," Leo said. Raph stopped walking and grabbed Leo's arm, then pointed at the top of the tree. For a moment, Leo was confused. Then his eyes widened a bit, impressed.

"I win," he said before taking off down the sidewalk.

"Hey!" Leo yelled, chasing after him. Raph laughed.

"See you at home, sucker!" he called. Leo made a small sound of indignation, but Raph ignored him as he got one last look at the ribbon. Maybe red wasn't such a bad color after all.

The End

* * *

 _ **That's it! That's the end! Oof. This was one of my favorite fics, honestly. Not sure when my next one is coming out, but if you like Thomas Sanders (Sanders Sides) or Dan and Phil from youtube, you can go to my Wattpad ( CobyJLine) To read my fanfictions about them. Not sure why I've separated them like this, but whatevs it's all good. Feel free to review this last chapter, but unless there's a bonus I won't be responding to them. :/ sorry.**_

 _ **Well, I'm about to fill out an ADHD survey, so that's all I have to say. Thank you guys so much for supporting me through this difficult time and liking my work! It really means a lot! 3 3 I love each and every one of you!**_

 _ **Until I post again,**_

 _ **-Jelly**_


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